Comments on: Secrets and Lies

By: Pure Evyl

Pure Evyl — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 20:17:45 +0000

Never lie about baggage. Sooner or later it gets kicked out from behind the couch and if you lied about it then you are sunk.

By: jewinthesuburbs

jewinthesuburbs — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:49:45 +0000

and I am an honest peron who feels time should not be wasted.

By: jewinthesuburbs

jewinthesuburbs — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:33:02 +0000

It is nice to go slowly but in my case a precept must know about a disabillity which is not one that can be passed down, but it still needs to be known.

By: Me

Me — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:45:16 +0000

It has to be taken completely a case by case basis. I have met men where it came out slowly, if at all, and men where I just took the attitude “screw it, I am laying it out there and either he can deal or he can’t.” The latter approach is what I did the last time and, WOW, it worked. Turns out his luggage matched mine better than I could ever have dreamed. I think the bottom line is that the right person is going to be the right person no matter what.

By: shoshi

shoshi — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:01:34 +0000

And I don’t like the idea of urgency in Shidduch either.

I think urgency spoils shidduchim…

By: shoshi

shoshi — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 13:59:54 +0000

I don’t like the concept of marrying the deaf to the blind. I find it callous.

By: Z!

Z! — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:30:46 +0000

Understanding that you travel for dates, and that your time on these dates can be limited, and since you are travelling, do not want to “waste anyone’s time”, you want to know as quickly as possible if “this is gonna work out or not”. There is an urgency.
Most of the larger pieces of baggage need to be delivered in person.
If there is a range of baggage to deliver, then giving it over in small installments seems like the nicest and easiest way to digest it, but the reality is that because of the distance you need to figure out pretty fast where the other stands, and how much luggage you have together and if it all fits in the boat.

That being said- I truly have NO IDEA how to deliver your baggage, I will continue to ruminate on it and try to get back to you.

By: rena

rena — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:36:33 +0000

I too had the “what to tell and when” dilemma once I started dating after my divorce. I agonized over it way too much. In the end, it depended on the guy I was dating and how open he was with me and how comfortable I felt. Most guys never ended up privy to my secrets, but a couple did. Both appreciated my honesty and shared their secrets as well. In fact I spilled my guts to my now boyfriend on our very first date. I felt very comfortable with him right from the start and was happy to get it out of the way and over with. Also I felt that if he couldn’t deal with my baggage, I wanted to know right away so I wouldn’t get hurt later on when it would inevitably come out.

By: Jacob da Jew

Jacob da Jew — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:34:05 +0000

Slowly yet surely. Don’t drop mad bombs in one shot.

By: Leora

Leora — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 01:53:51 +0000

Dating seems so long ago (another thing I would love to blank out), but I will say it helps if your baggage matches your spouses baggage. For example, if one is in a wheelchair and the other is deaf, that might be a good match. I’m using that as a safe example. But really the key is trust and intimacy. You really have to trust the other person to be intimate. So you’re going to have to open up in one fashion or another. I would prefer to take my time doing so.