To me summer means bare legs and sandals showing off my pretty pedicure. Hot weather means long flowing skirts, bare feet running through the grass, no clothes sticking to me. Summer means no dratted panty hose, stockings, pop socks, thigh highs, knee highs, tights – whatever you want to call them. I refuse. No way no how. If I want to be uncomfortable I know where I can borrow a straitjacket.
Now I am not disrespectful. If I am going to be in an extremely religious environment I won’t wear the open toed shoes and my clothes will be a little more modest. I will even cover my “nees” [sic]. We had a graduation at the local school this week, but they have no air conditioning there and there was no way I was going to wear panty hose. It was for everyone else’s safety and comfort that I eschewed them. (I am sure the rabbis would not have wanted me to rip em off in front of all assembled because I felt I was going to explode from heat).
We have a wedding to attend tonight, and after polling some of my girls who are going to be there, the consensus is that panty hose must be worn. It’s an extremely religious affair, separate seating, lots of people, mainly black hat wearers and their expensive sheitel wearing spouses. (The wigs are expensive, not the spouses).
Here’s the thing – if it is separate seating, then the men are not going to be around to look at my legs, silk clad or not, right? Oh right, wearing panty hose is for me, so that I should know that I am tzanua. Right. But it was pointed out that it doesn’t matter, I need to dress the part out of respect for the Baalei Simcha, the people making the wedding. But I will be dressed modestly (gorgeously…and the shoes, to die for) – I just want to forego that panty hose. Is it so darn heinous? Will I really be excommunicated?
Come on ladies, let me know what you think?
Edited to Add a photo of how well i dressed for this wedding, panty hose and all.
20 responses so far ↓
batya // June 25, 2009 at 9:03 am |
i am always happy to show off my pedicures & wear open toe shoes sans panythose. however, i do agree that out of respect to the ba’alei simcha since they are very yeshivish, i do think you should suck it up & wear ‘em especially since they will probably have air conditioning & you won’t be dying from the heat anyhow. besides, i’m sure you’ll be way more comfortable in the pantyhose than gilad is where ever he may be-i just had to add that since it is in line with all your other updates from today!
hadassahsabo // June 25, 2009 at 9:07 am |
batya – you are right, but i am so against doing things just for other people to be comfortable. i know pantyhose is not the biggest issue facing us today, but i am trying to teach my kids to be true to themselves and not let society dictate how they think and act and dress. (so long as the kids conform to main societal standards, no murdering, raping and pillaging etc)
i will have no cleavage showing, my hair will be covered, knees and elbows too – my skirt is mid calf – is it really necessary?
(and yes i will be enjoying a slap up dinner and rocking affair while Gilad sits alone in a cell….where is the justice in that?)
abandoning eden // June 25, 2009 at 9:25 am |
can you wear a long skirt so your legs don’t show at all?
i’ve been to black hat weddings with a mid calf skirt and no stockings, but I also have a non-jewish husband, so maybe my opinion isn’t the greatest to go on
But honestly I’ve seen people at black hat weddings not even wearing a kippa or wearing totally inappropriate very low cut dresses and stuff (usually distant non-religious cousins) so I don’t know.
The Birth Whisperer // June 25, 2009 at 9:34 am |
There are certain places where I always wear the hose – regardless of the weather. Weddings are one of them. Bar Mitzvahs. And I never go to Shul without them.
hadassahsabo // June 25, 2009 at 9:36 am |
Eden – if i didnt know better i could get away with not wearing it to this affair, but the thing is i do know better, i just don’t happen to care. but a wedding isnt really the place to make a protest.
BW – for me it depends which shul i go to. if its a more modern place, i dont bother with panty hose. i feel G-d wants me to daven no matter what i am wearing…besides, they didnt have panty hose in the time of the Torah, did they?
G6 // June 25, 2009 at 9:37 am |
As person who is “with you” on the issue of summer hose (and also with you on the being true to yourself issue), I will tell you that I think you should put them on for the evening.
Consider it a bonus “wedding present” to the baalei simcha.
Rina // June 25, 2009 at 10:19 am |
I think that conforming out of respect is not being untrue to yourself. You know what your standards are, and they are perfectly acceptable – there are definitely halachic opinions that allow no pantyhose – but out of respect for others’ sensitivities, you do them the courtesy of not standing out and possibly offending them when on THEIR turf. If they visit you, that’s a different matter. (Although I would still go for respecting them. You are not being untrue to yourself, you are being magnanimous and sensitive.)
Maybe you resist “conforming” because you see it as caving in to pressure, perhaps you feel threatened, that they are accusing you of being wrong. Then your defenses would go up. But if you see it as just being magnanimous, then why not?
People who have higher standards do get uncomfortable around lower standards – is that parochial and ignorant? Yes. But let’s not be the same by insisting on our own rights. Prove that you are open-minded and tolerant by honoring their standards.
(exit psychologist)
Gavi // June 25, 2009 at 11:30 am |
While, given my gender, I have never had to wear pantyhose, I can still empathize: my wife hates them, and will never wear them unless it is absolutely necessary.
[For the record I think she will put on for the chasuna tonight.]
Z! // June 25, 2009 at 11:41 am |
On a daily basis I do NOT wear the hose, much to my MIN’s chagrin. My husband could not care less.
Out of respect, I do occasionally. Depending on the crowd. Let’s say my MIN’s really frum MIR yeshivah friends. I want to be a good reflection on her.
HOW you may ask? By making it a little bit of FUN! I wear a garter with stockings. This way, it is still FUN for me, and no one has to know….he he he.
BTW, please wish the Balei Simchas a huge mazel tov from me!! Have a wonderful time! Will you be at the NY leg of their festivities?
ladylockandload // June 25, 2009 at 11:46 am |
I learned that if you live in a community that wears stockings (the women) then you are supposed to wear stocking. I believe Rav Moshe Feinstien said this. I have no problem with the stockings, so used to it after thirty years.But
I find wearing long sleeves and head coverings and shaitel makes me hot, and I am glad that we don’t have to wear tzitzis underneath, yeash! And look what the chassidic men and women wear, they must be shmoiling, but kol hakavod.
By the way, I love every Jew, no matter how they dress. stockings, no stockings, what does it matter?
hadassahsabo // June 25, 2009 at 12:11 pm |
ok ok ok
i will wear panty hose tonight
Z! I like your suggestion – maybe I will go the sexy route, just for me to know…
No I am not doing the NY leg – are you? we are planning to be in Monsey for next shabbat tho..with the kidlets…
i think the rabbeim should be made to wear panty hose on the hottest day of the year and then pasken on them…..
ladylockandload // June 25, 2009 at 12:17 pm |
The poskim are hot enough with the woolen tzitzis they wear. Get used to the heat, hadassah, NY is boiling in the summer. and sticky humid. Not my favorate season.
hadassahsabo // June 25, 2009 at 12:19 pm |
so dear lady, whats the minhag hamakom of the Barnacle B!tches, I mean Babes, when it comes to pantyhose on a regular summer day doing errands to wesley kosher?
ladylockandload // June 25, 2009 at 12:45 pm |
Hmmmm, I will have to e-mail everyone a survey…do you wear pantyhose to wesley? Do you wear slits? Manicure pedicure in hot flashy colors? Do you show “nees”? Sleeves above or below elbow, and Do you think KoD is great
Just kidding…but I think it’s half and half with the bareleg open toe look. what do you say birth whisperer?
Chanief // June 25, 2009 at 4:53 pm |
I abhor stockings, they are just sooo uncomfortable in the heat. However, I think that if it is the standard of the event you should comply. I don’t think anyone would describe me as conformist, but everything does have it’s place (even uncomfortable and annoying stockings.)
Baila // June 25, 2009 at 5:03 pm |
I’m late in on the discussion, but I would wear a longer skirt and eschew the hose.
hadassahsabo // June 25, 2009 at 5:03 pm |
ok i am dressed for the wedding, my dress covers my nees [sic] my collarbone is covered, as are my elbows and my hair, and i am wearing the dratted panty hose. i will no doubt be tweeting all night long about how i wish to removed them and use them to throttle the nosy yenta that keeps asking personal questions in between courses.
ladylockandload // June 26, 2009 at 6:24 am |
Huh??? I wasn’t even at that wedding, and I am not a yenta! LOL. Shabbat Shalom Hadassah and KoD.
hadassahsabo // June 26, 2009 at 6:26 am |
i almost told someone to shove it where the sun dont shine. almost….whats with people and their nosy questions?
Shabbat SHalom dear lady – IY’H see you next Friday….
Kevin L. // October 1, 2009 at 4:25 pm |
hadassahsabo, I just happened to trip over this website and the photo caught my eye enough to read your situation. After a thorough review of the posted photo I must give you the following comments. No doubt that nylons are wedding criteria. No doubt that nylons are the equivlent of leg jewelry. Make no mistake that you looked like a million dollars from EVERY perspective. But as a leg man you are obviously cheating yourself of male and female admiration by covering your full thighs and knees. If you got hot legs.. show them. Being a guy… the highlight of every wedding is seeing the ladies dressed up and showing as much leg as possible. Crank that hem line up about 6-8″ for all of us who admire great legs.