Musings

You know how sometimes you look back at certain chapters in your life and wonder what the heck you had been thinking? This post is about that, but in a more positive way.

The KoD and I got married almost 5 months ago – and as regular readers know, we have been separated geographically for most of that time, with the occasional weekend that we have been able to spend together.

Various factors have conspired to keep us apart, and we do know that time will take care of all of them, and soon with G-d’s help (and the USCIS’s) we will all be living under the same roof.

I look back at the last few months which have been very tough in some ways, being married but not being together, being married but still living the life of a single mom. Going through major and minor issues knowing that the KoD is by my side as a strong support, but emotionally, not physically most of the time. Sometimes you just need that big warm hug to make all the stress disappear for a moment or two.

But how did I know that the KoD would be there for me 100%, how could I have possibly guessed that he would never waver, never run for the hills, even when the going has become tough? How did I know that his loyalty and belief in me was never even a question, that it was the answer every single time? I don’t think we could possibly have understood how difficult the last few months would be – yet it has made our bond that much stronger.

Every time we take our leave from each other it feels like there is another crack in my heart. My soul weeps. It hurts, it hurts so deeply. We knew we would have to do this, but putting it into practice has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.

The first time I took my leave was 9 days after we got married, and my SIL said to me that I was the bravest woman she knows. That she would never have been able to do it. I told her I had no choice. I am a mommy AND a wife and the kids have to come first. The kids even told KoD when we got engaged that he ought to know he is #5 on the list .It doesn’t mean I didn’t cry the whole 6 hour trip back home. I did. But it had to be done.

The KoD has proven to me time and time again how constant his love is for me, and for the boys. I know without even the shadow of a doubt that he would drop everything in a heartbeat to be by my side if I asked. He’s done it before. He would do it again. No questions asked. He knows I would do the same.

When I am stressed he is my first call. He listens. He never judges. He understands the subtext. He takes my anxiety and irons it out. He is my safe haven in the midst of a storm. He is the masseur on my knots of life. We have been through so much together – and he has been constant. If anything has changed, it is that we love each other more now that ever before. All this stress has made us stronger, a force to be reckoned with.

KoD – your QoH loves you more now than ever. Thank you for all you do, for what you say and what you don’t say, for the love that pours out of your eyes and caresses my soul. We have been truly blessed by G-d to have found each other.