Bald-headedness

Today, on the blog, Tesyaa wrote this comment “Not jealous here, but pointing out that Hadassah would look hot bald.”

Tesyaa – you inspired me to share a story from when the kids were very young.

We had four young sons, and money was very tight. We invested in a home haircutting system (referred to in our house as the zhummer) in order to save a bit on haircuts. However, I had never used one of these things before and had no clue what I was doing. For some reason I didn’t read the instructions. (Maybe because the baby needed me, or the 6, 7 or 8 year olds were fighting with each other).

I sat Squiggy down on the stool, covered him with a sheet and went to work. I zhummed a big streak up the back of his head. A big less than #1 streak up the back of his head. I had forgotten to put the attachment on the zhummer, you know, the one that controls the length of the hair? D’Oh!

I had shaved a streak through the middle of his head. Shaven. It was a reverse Mohawk. There was nothing to do, but to even the rest out. I left him some payot, but he looked very Chassidic. Lenny was next, and he wanted what his younger brother had – a shaven head. I hadn’t wanted Squiggy to feel like he looked different, so I did the same to Lenny. By then HockeyFan was clamoring for the same look. What could I do? It was only hair, and it grows back, right? Soon enough I had 3 of them looking like little shaven headed hoodlums. They did look adorable.

Reality set in. Their father would come home and be most displeased. (To put it mildly – but who would blame him??). I didn’t want them to see the shock in his face upon seeing them, so I took some drastic measures. I shaved my own head. In front of the boys. Told them I wanted to look just like them. Then I called him at work and said we had an oopsie with the zhummer, and in solidarity with the boys I zhummed my own head. Better to prepare him. Yes indeed. Poor man!

He came in the house, tentatively. I had tied a bandanna around my cold bald head, and he asked to see what was under it. He was not impressed. But it softened the blow, I think, because he was able to joke around with the skinheaded boys when they were called to say hi to Abba (ie that it was safe LOL).

The boys had some ribbing the following day at school – but they bore it good-naturedly and within a week or two there was some new scandal that the kids in school were focusing on, and my boys’ shaven heads were all forgotten.

Eventually my shaven headed look grew on my ex – and he was able to look at me without cringing. I have a lovely shaped head, and the lack of hair made my eyes look huge. I have been growing it long ever since. Never again will I shave it.

Almost every time I give the boys haircuts, someone remembers the first time. I have become very adept with the zhummer, and even am able to accommodate finicky clients.

Memories…..

How are wigs ok?

The other day I received this email from Chaviva.

So, my mom has been emailing me … about you. She had questions about whether you’re observant (the wig confused her) and now she’s asking how it’s okay to wear a wig when you can easily look hotter than you might without it. I’m not sure how to answer her, as I’ve never really looked into the halakos of sheitels because up until recently I’d always been in the camp where I sort of get where she is coming from.

Thus, I thought I’d ask you, my yiddishe mama, for a good response to my mom on the whole being frum and sheitels and it being okay. In the process, it’ll be a learning experience for me, for my mom, and probably blog fodder for you

Chavi – I hope you direct your mom over here – I am going to try to explain…although this is an age old discussion….

This is an excellent question and raises an important discussion topic. I have often felt that some of the wigs worn nowadays (yes, mine included) defeat the whole purpose of tzniut (modesty) and kisui rosh (hair covering). I have, in the past, criticized those who wore awesome looking human hair wigs that totally looked unwiglike.

Then I bought myself one of them as I was so sick and tired of wearing synthetics that gave me constant headaches. Suddenly, covering my hair was a pleasure instead of a chore. Suddenly I wanted to cover my hair with my wig because I felt good in it.

In the community where I lived it was more common and accepted for married women to wear wigs. When I first joined that community, upon my first marriage, in order to fit in, I purchased my first wig. No one in my family had ever covered their hair before, let alone wore wigs. I desperately wanted to fit in to my new community. But I hated wearing it. I kept it for special occasions.

Over the years, whenever I got dressed up, I would wear a wig. I never felt, personally, that my outfit was complete if I was wearing just a hat or a headscarf. Now, when I hang out in my denim skirts and tees, I wear a bandanna or a mitpachat, or my braided tichels.

After my divorce, I uncovered my hair. It was something I did for myself. Read more about that here. I had many long talks with my Rebbetzin about hair covering and the whys and wherefores. She explained to me one time, that part of covering our hair when we are married is to remind US that we are married, not just to show everyone else that we are taken. When we have a hair covering on our head it makes us think twice before we do something we shouldn’t do.

The wigs that are worn these days by many of us, yes, they do kind of defeat the purpose. But nowhere does it say that we have to look ugly or less attractive just because we are married. I like to know I look pretty – not just for my husband, but for ME, for my own feelings of self worth. But I don’t know of one husband who wants to run his hands through his wife’s wig because it is so gorgeous. The real hair wins every time on that score. (My KoD says I look hotter without the sheitel, just FYI).

So to answer Mom’s question – is it ok? I don’t know. Is it done? Absolutely. Does that make it right? Hmmm.

If anyone else wants to chime in, go right ahead.