So, as the newest recipient of the Strictest Mommy Award (all the other parents are so chilled out, Ima) I wanted to poll you, my readers, about curfews etc.
Does your teen have a curfew?
Does it change according to circumstance?
Are they allowed out on school nights?
Are curfews earlier during the school year?
If they have a summer job, do you enforce a curfew?
How do you calculate what curfew to give your teen?
Do you think it makes a difference if the teen is male or female?
Anything else you want to add?
Looking forward to reading your responses.
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I am a teen (18), so I figured I could help answer as well based on what my mother has put in place for me the past few years
Does your teen have a curfew? Sometimes.
Does it change according to circumstance? Yes. If I’m at an event that is bound to get out before I’d normally be home, such as a concert/school dance, my curfew will be extended. My curfew is also different during weekends, summer, and school breaks.
Are they allowed out on school nights? I am, but I usually don’t take advantage of that because in high school I’d have around 4-5 hours of homework every night. If I ever did go out on a school night, I’d be expected home before 11.
Are curfews earlier during the school year? Only on weekdays.
If they have a summer job, do you enforce a curfew? I work year round, and now that I am 18, my hours are more unpredictable because I am now legally allowed to open/close the store and work past midnight.
How do you calculate what curfew to give your teen? I think my mother mostly based if off safety and what was reasonable. If I’m going to a friend’s house 20 minutes away, I usually don’t have a curfew because I live in a safe area and I’m very close to home. If I’m going somewhere further away, I normally have a curfew because often I haven’t driven that route before and it’s probably far. This helps me be more responsible, because chances are if I’m far away it’s a big/important event, and I don’t want to get my privileges taken away to do fun things like that.
Do you think it makes a difference if the teen is male or female? My male cousins and friends have very strict curfews, and I’m not completely sure why. I think boys tend to be more reckless with driving so a curfew is great to keep them safe.
Anything else you want to add? When I was a new teen (13-14), my curfew was very, and I mean very strict. I wasn’t allowed out on school nights, and my curfew was 9:30 or 10 pm on the weekends/during the summer. I had to earn my mom’s trust and she would only extend it by half an hour at a time. Now that I am legally an adult and I am working (and also going to college where there is no enforced curfew), and my mom trusts me, my curfew is much more relaxed.
So I’m not a parent (yet) but my Mom was fairly strict when I was growing up. Here’s mostly what was in place in our house:
~Does your teen have a curfew? OH YES!
~Does it change according to circumstance? Yes, work always allowed me to be out later or have an extended curfew. Play practice and cast parties were also an acceptable reason to be out past the stated allowed time. Mostly it was dependent on me being in a specific place for a specific amount of time. I was always expected to let my Mom know if plans changed while we were out, too.
~Are they allowed out on school nights? Yes. Had to be home by 10:30 unless I was at work or practice.
~Are curfews earlier during the school year? Earlier on school nights, for sure. Weekend/summer curfew was about the same.
~If they have a summer job, do you enforce a curfew? I was responsible for making sure I got enough sleep and got up (or left) on time for work. So while there was a curfew I wasn’t held to it the same way as during the school year. Especially if I was off the next day.
~How do you calculate what curfew to give your teen? As I got older it got extended 10:30 as a freshman/sophomore, 11-12 as a junior and senior during the school year. Driving laws here (Michigan) don’t allow new drivers (under 17) to be on the road from Midnight to 5AM unless they’re going to and from work and have a note. Mostly that meant that all of my friends who could drive before that law went into effect were the ones who drove to parties and dances so we could stay out later. Senior year my weekend/summer curfew was that I had to be parked in my driveway by 1:30am so that I was off the road before the bars closed at 2am.
~Do you think it makes a difference if the teen is male or female? Absolutely not. Age and maturity are much bigger factors.
~Anything else you want to add? Be available! The 2 times I majorly missed curfew were for really good reasons 1- we’d been in an accident. and 2- There has been a lot of drinking at a particular party, I called my Mom to let her know and she gave me permission to drive all over g-d’s green earth to make sure my drunk friends got home safely. I kept in touch through the use of a friend’s cell phone so that she knew where I was the whole time, though.
Well, I don’t have teens yet, so what I will do might change in the future, but I expect to treat it similar to the way my parents were with me. I never had a fixed curfew. When I was going out, I told my parents where I was going and approximately what time I’d be home. If it was a school night, it would probably be about 10:00 pm, a weekend night might be later. Working, once I was 16, depended on what time I got off for that shift. My parents knew where I was supposed to be – I didn’t go somewhere and then leave there for somewhere else without reasonable approval.
I also don’t have teens yet, though I am close. When I was a teen, I was already in high school and lived in the dormitory while coming home for most shabbatot. I know we had a curfew in the dorm (that we regularly flouted), but I don’t recall a specific curfew at home. But it didn’t matter since I was a good kid and never stayed out late under dangerous or questionable circumstances anyway.
Ah, I remember curfew. I never kept them. My parents would fall asleep, i would sneak back in the house quietly, and well, i’m pretty (almost) sure they never knew the difference. I was never punished for missing curfew anyway.
Do i think teens should have them? Yes. I think it should depend whether it’s a school night and job. I’ve seen my teenage niece and nephews go to bed at all hours and wake up in the afternoon the next morning. B”H they didn’t have a job to go to! Should it be stricter for one gender? no. It should however be enforced (hence, why i kept pushing the limits).
Calculating curfew…hmmm…maybe there are some resources on the web that can suggest an appropriate curfew/age. I would think it would have something to do with the number of hours of sleep a teen needs (which is actually a fair bit) and what responsibilities/time they have the following morning (ie school, job, minyan…).