Frumster Files

One feature on Frumster is the ability to see which people checked out your profile. You can then check them out, IM them, or email them or what have you.


My profile is very clear that I am in my mid-thirties, and have a few children, and am looking for long term commitment, not short term games. If I was looking for fun I would go elsewhere.


So then why, pray tell, are these 20 something year olds checking out my profile, IMing me and emailing me, offering me their “temporary friendship” when they are next in town? What business does  a 24 year old “Yeshivish Black Hat” bochur have emailing me? It isn’t “Tefillin Dates R Us”, its Frumster – dating for MARRIAGE.


I had this inane series of conversations with a NBM (never been married), he was 27, a doctor in an emergency room in a large city. He tried very hard to convince me that he wanted to marry a woman with experience in many spheres. Maybe he was looking for a cougar (or a JEWgar as my girlfriend coined the term) as he was too socially inept to find a girl in his own age bracket? He ended up emailing me 124 times in the space of 3 days…..and each email got more and more graphic, even asking me questions about the physical side of marriage because he was “curious” – I finally blocked him because it was getting ridiculous.


I don’t give out my name or my number until I am sure that it is safe to do so. Of course there are no guarantees and there have been one or two situations that I would have preferred not to find myself in…


I just cannot get over these young little whippersnappers believing that they have what it takes to tempt a mature divorcee. I have been told by one of them, that all divorcees don’t really want marriage, they just have an itch to scratch. I wonder who gave us this bad reputation. Not every divorcee is gagging for it. In fact I would venture a guess as to say most of us are not.


Yes, not every divorcee wants to remarry.  Second time around, marriage seems that much scarier, and some decide to remain alone. That’s fine for them, and however they choose to live their life is their own business. But we are all different. What might be acceptable for one person, is not acceptable for the next.


I want to find my knight in shining armour, but  it certainly wont be a sniveling 20 year old kid who is still wet behind the ears and has yet to learn to shave.

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8 responses to “Frumster Files

  1. Well, I also met a few men (including chareidi) who were not really into serious shidduch but into the “itch to scratch” business…
    They think they send the woman to mikve and everything is fine…

    I was very disappointed when I first discovered this…

  2. This 27 year-old doctor (if he was really one) was a nutcase.
    I am afraid what these young men expect from the divorcees is not something they would find acceptable for their unmarried sisters.

  3. Oy. I’m a divorced 30-something mother too. I’ve been toying around with the idea of giving Frumster a shot. But this scares me.

  4. Late 20’s male divorcee on this side. Interesting to hear how Frumster looks from your side. I seem to have the opposite problem – girls barely even write back. And I take time to write at least a paragraph or two and note why I’m interested. But I have met a couple interesting people there, which is about all I really expected anyway.

    Do women write men first if they’re interested? I don’t usually take a “profile look” too seriously.

    Good luck —

  5. It’s not easy to find someone, trust me I know, but remember you cant always just someone solely on their Frumster Profile

  6. Don’t give up! I met my wife on Frumster (back when it was a much smaller operation). If that many 20-somethings are interested, you should be flattered (although I agree you shouldn’t waste your time on them). Mr. Right will turn up!

  7. I met my ex fiance on frumster- but in all seriousness do you know what the difference between Jdate and Frumster is?

  8. 124 times in the space of 3 days??? That qualifies as certifiably insane. Frumster is just a tool, and I don’t think it has more psychos than you’d come across in real life. Best of luck to you in your search and don’t give up! 🙂

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