Motzei Shabbat Musings

Shabbat gives us a wonderful opportunity for reflection. Add to that the fact that we are in the month of Elul, introspection is the way to go.

 

I make no secret of the fact that I would love to find a soulmate. I don’t believe I was destined to spend the rest of my life without a partner. When I am in Israel I will be praying at Amukah, traditionally a place that brings the segulah of finding ones beshert within 12 months. I am eternally optimistic.

 

I have had some very “interesting” dating experiences in the years since my divorce. Those of you who are regular readers will know that lately they have been doozies! Yet even with all the heartache, pain and aggravation I remain hopeful.

 

See, I have something that many people don’t have. I have faith. I have faith that my life will continue to improve the way it has done in the last few years. I have faith that G-d has His plan for me, and whatever He throws my way is in my best interest. These guys that I have dated that haven’t worked out, well, they bring me one closer to the right one. It is very tempting to sit back and say that “men suck” and that it’s just not worth the time and effort. I think at one point in the not too distant past I even said that I was going to become a lesbian, because I understand women better than men. (Don’t worry guys, that was just bluster to cover up a wounded heart.)

 

I feel complete within myself. I mean, there is always work to do to improve oneself, but I don’t feel a big gaping hole in my life. Now, Saturday night, September 6 2008, my life is great. I am happy. I have the four most wonderful children in the world, they are healthy and happy and well adjusted, and remind me daily of the wonder of the world and of the goodness of G-d. Being their mom has defined me in so many ways, however I have learned that I am more than just a mother. I am a woman, I am a daughter, sister and friend. I am surrounded by a community who show me an abundance of love, who accept me for who I am and encourage me on my way to make my mark in this world. I have friends of the heart whose love, honour, and respect I cherish and will carry in my heart forever. I do not need a man to complete me. I do not need a man to make me happy. I can do that myself. I find personal joy and happiness in so many things. I have learned that looking to someone else to validate my emotions, or even create such emotions, can only lead to disappointment.

 

As a woman I have a lot to give. My heart overflows with love. I love my kids, my family, my friends, my community, my life. I have come too far, grown too much personally, to hang it all on the thread of whether I have a man or not. I don’t need a life partner. I want one. And there is a huge difference. Having a man in my life as a husband is the icing on the cake. But the cake is delicious enough without it. However looking for the right flavour icing can be fun, so long as it has the right ingredients.

 

To those who say I am bitter – I am not. I will not be beaten by bad experiences. I will learn from them, I will take those life lessons and build on them to become a better person. And I will overcome all the negativity.

 

Don’t you know? I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!

 

Shavuah Tov Y’all!!

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5 responses to “Motzei Shabbat Musings

  1. You are AMAZING!!!!! A real inspiration for all of us!!!

  2. I hope you never lose that faith. I remember being in the same “place” as you are. I went to talk to my Rabbi about it and basically cried to him that I was afraid I would always be alone. He told me to pray for what I wanted. And then he told me that when the time was right we could always go to Amukah. Not long after that conversation, I met the man I am marrying next Sunday! It happens. Keep the faith 🙂

  3. orieyenta – thank you for sharing your story – i remain ever hopeful.

    juliette – thanks for your kind words.

  4. ‘memember when I said not to pray for a guy for me? pray, please!!

  5. Robyn – careful what you wish for, you might just get it 😉

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