And these things have SO happened to me, and people that I know. Thanks to all my buddies who emailed me their horror stories.This was fun compiling, and boy am i glad that i didn’t suffer through the indignities of some of these “interesting” dates.
Show up with tefillin bag under arm – um, presumptuous much??!!
Pick your nose – gross, date or not.
Pick your underwear out of its wedgie – euw!
Discuss said wedgie in details – double euw!
(For men) – check that the crown jewels are still in place. They generally don’t fall off if you haven’t checked in a while, trust me on that one. With 4 sons I would know if this happened, and if scotch tape actually worked well. (it doesn’t)
(For girls) – check that the ladies are still front and center. Again, they don’t fall off either. Unless they are fake – that’s a whole other post….
Blow nose noisily into tissue and inspect the contents after – no manners.
Take cellphone call unless it’s from the kids and/or an emergency. This is just common decency.
Text / email anyone – bored much?
Make burp or fart noises (even as a joke) – if you are out on a date one hopes that you have grown up a little since grade school.
After going to the bathroom return to that table and explain in detail what happened in there. Trust me, not very romantic.
Reapply lipstick or mascara at the table – it takes away the mystery, ladies!
Eat with your hands – no manners.
Chew with mouth open – euw disgusterating!
Talk with mouth full of food – double gross.
Stick your chopstix up your nose – could be funny, but oh so immature.
Complain about prices at the restaurant where you are eating – don’t be a cheapskate, or a snob. Doesn’t sit well with the opposite sex.
Bring a friend along with you. Allow said friend to flirt with your date. I think this one is pretty much self explanatory.
Take date on mundane errands – take your shirts / skirts to the cleaner before the date – concentrate on her / him. Sheesh.
Spray inside of car liberally with pine scented air freshener to get rid of the smelly socks aroma. Now that’s just plain nasty. (its nasty too if your car has the smelly socks aroma – what is with that??)
Forget to clean off the front seat of your vehicle so your date can sit comfortably – that makes you look like a slob.
Try to convince your date that s/he should date your best friend instead. There’s names for people like that.
Admit at the end of the date that you are really not interested in the opposite sex, you are just doing what is expected of you. – it happened, truly. Sigh, society….
Check out the hot chick / cute guy that just walked into the restaurant in an obvious manner (yes, that includes letting your tongue hang out of your mouth with drool puddling at your feet).
Expect your female date to cover her half of the bill. A lady can offer to pay – but if he says no don’t argue. Chivalry is not dead. It shouldn’t be anyway.
Forget to introduce your date to the person you have been chatting with for 5 minutes. Lack of manners, again.
Distance yourself from your date to pretend you are not together while chatting to a person for 5 minutes. Whoa this is a doozie, not wanting to be seen together with your date.
Laugh maniacally at everything your date says. Call the men in white jackets, they can help you.
Roll your eyes with every comment. Ditto white jackets.
Discuss in detail every other person you dated and why they were wrong for you.
And the most heinous of all – DON’T
Check the time repeatedly. Nothing says I am so bored like repeatedly watching the time.
Any that you care to share?