Daily Archives: October 27, 2008

Are men intimidated by women who have opinions and intelligence?

I recently tweeted this statement and it brought me a flurry of tweetbacks and emails, and I have been encouraged to expand on it. So I thusly do so.  While writing this article a friend Facebook Statused that she is giving up on men, that they make no sense. So maybe this article is timely for her too.


I have been on the dating scene long enough to be able to call myself a knowledgeable dater. It’s fair to say that I thought I understood what men wanted. But apparently it’s not me that most men want. See, I am somewhat of an intellectual, I am intelligent, I can really hold up my end of a conversation. I am also attractive, with a great figure too. A perfect package you say? Uh, no. From what I have begun to understand men want either looks or brains in their woman, not both. That would just be too much to handle and may make them feel inferior.


Maybe it’s societal? Traditionally men are brought up that the man is the breadwinner, and the woman stays home to keep house and wipe the messes that the kids leave behind. Even if the wife goes out to work, her job would be less “important” than his. A man needs to make more money that his wife, or his ego suffers. Or some such baloney.


Whatever happened to having an equal partnership? It’s not always 50/50, sometimes it is 70/30 or 25/75, but so long as it balances out eventually with everyone pulling their weight in the relationship – why can’t that work?


At lunch over Shabbat I thanked my hosts for facilitating a wonderfully stimulating conversation (that at times morphed into a heated debate), that I felt very comfortable partaking in. I have been in houses where it was apparent that the womenfolk were allowed to have an opinion, but not voice it in front of the men, for fear that the men would think us females were trying to be superior. Why is a man’s opinion more important than mine? It isn’t. Mine is just as important as his. Maybe he could be wrong and I could be right? Isn’t that possible? But admitting being wrong to a woman is tantamount to emasculation to some men.


Now I didn’t start out this blog post to bash men. Some of my best friends are male………… and it’s not about being better than men, or doing the same things as men. I want to find a man who understands that his wife is just as smart as he is, is just as entitled to her opinions and the expression of said opinions. I want a man to be proud to walk with me into a function, knowing that I am a knockout on the outside and on the inside just as I would be proud of him for the same reasons.


I do have to say that it is always surprising to me to watch people make snap judgements about me and realize how wrong they are. Let me give you a for instance. I was recently at a function, dressed to kill (I try) and the other women were giving me the jealous eye and the men were eyeing me up and down and being less than subtle about it.


I sat down at a table with my food and a friend and a couple of dudes came over to chat us up. Now neither of us gals are slouches in the looks department, or in the intelligence dept either. A little bit of superficial talk, and I segued into American politics. A little lightbulb went on over one of the guys and he totally got into the conversation with me, but the other guy looked at me as if I had totally misrepresented who I was by actually having something deep to talk about. He made some flimsy excuse and left.  Eventually the guy that stayed couldn’t hold back his comment any longer – he told me he had totally misjudged me, figured I would be an airhead because how could someone as gorgeous as me (his words) have brains too.  I guess on the day that G-d handed these guys brains, he didn’t teach them that a person with boobs can actually be smart.


Now I know there are some guys out there who have a deep and profound respect for intellectual ladies. But why oh why do they expect brainy women to have dowdy packaging? Glasses, librarian look…..guys, don’t you want it all in one lovely package? Let’s stop judging this book by its cover, and get to know the whole person, before you make a judgement. And if a lady is smarter than her man, he should be darn proud of her, because she chooses to be with him anyway.

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