Kallah Klasses

So, being a religious Jewish woman about to be married, there are laws of Family Purity that I will have to follow. Read more about it hereI learned these laws 15 years ago when I first got married (yes I was 12 then…. 😉 ) and these laws do not change.


Apparently it is necessary for me to relearn / revisit them. Now, I don’t mind refreshing my memory and re reading The Book (Tehila Abramov’s The Secret of Jewish Femininity). So imagine my shock when I was told to expect to pay around three hundred dollars for this refresher course. I didn’t pay a penny the first time around, and I knew nothing! This time I know it all (a little rusty, but hey, its like riding a bike, right?) yet I should still expect to pay.


I have been blessed to find a teacher who is willing to teach me for nothing, just to know that she is doing some good in the world. But I feel that I need to present her with something at the end of the three or four classes we will have had together. Any ideas? (I think to give this Eishet Chayil money would be to insult her.)

13 responses to “Kallah Klasses

  1. Once again, mazel tov, and the chasunah should be “besha’a tovah umutzlachas!”

    My personal recommendation – do not use “The Secret of Jewish Femininity.” With all due respect to Rebbetzin Abramov, there are halachic issues that are unclear in her presentation. I can suggest better books… If you want to discuss this in more depth, perhaps private e-mail would be a more appropriate form of communication.

    My wife gave her kallah teacher a nice silver candy platter… I would suggest some gift for the house that is nice enough to make an impression, but not so expensive to break the bank.

    Full disclosure: I have a bit of an addition to shopping at Zone. You might find something there…

  2. I gave my Kallah teacher a check, with a nice thank you note. She did not charge anything but I wanted to give her some well needed $. In this economy, I don’t think anyone is going to be insulted! Personally, I hate shopping!

  3. Make a donation to tzedaka in her honor, like the local mikvah (i would suggest some hachnosas kallah, but i do not think that these charities are useful or important), or invite her to your wedding.

  4. “(I think to give this Eishet Chayil money would be to insult her.)”

    Give her an Eishet chayil or candle lighting frame then.

  5. A sterling silver frame…and btw kallah classes should NOT cost anything. I know chabad does not charge for any classes, 1st time around or not…

  6. “these laws do not change”

    of course they change. if they didn’t change (or grow, expand, diversify, adapt or whatever verb you prefer) you could learn the halakhot strait from the Rif rather than from “the secret”

    anyway, if she is in the habit of teaching people for free, why not give her a few copies of “the secret” to give to her students

    and i disagree with jacob’s suggestion (although i think i know exactly why he recommends it)

  7. how about a gift voucher for dinner for 2 at a local (nice) restaurant?

  8. I think it is disgraceful that you should have to pay money to be taught this. Once again, our wonderful religion is manipulated by the religious authorities at the expense (literally) of those who choose to keep it.

    If you have to give money, set up a fund that ensures others can have the lessons for free.

  9. Claude Wolf-
    You are mistaken. Most kallah teachers that I know do this for free. But if someone takes money for these classes, what is wrong with it. You would pay money for any hebrew or secular tutor, is this any less important?

  10. CLAUDE:

    “I think it is disgraceful that you should have to pay money to be taught this.”

    i understand your sentiment, but people also deserve (actually, usually need) to be compensated for their time.

    out of curiosity, how many hours day do you spend volunteering or otherwise working for free? (caring for kids/spouse/parents, housework and other domestic responsibilities don’t count)

    also, if you think a particular kalah really can’t afford it, then again i understand your sentiment even more. but then i must ask how much is the said kalah spending on the wedding itself?

  11. Lion of Judah,

    I’m a high school teacher, so I spend all my working hours (and more) teaching kids. If I charged the school for the additional hours I gave, they would probably fire me.

    I understand that people need to make a living, but surely, in my ideal world, some things should not be charged. Am I charged every time I go to shul and hear the Rabbi giving a drasha?

  12. CLAUDE,

    one of the rabbi’s congregational responsiblities is to deliver a drasha and this is part of what his salary pays for. so of course you are not charged to hear it.

    i’m not sure exactly what you mean by “additional hours,” but being a teacher generally involves some responsibilties beyond classroom time. so yes, you should be fired if you demand that you be paid on the clock.

    i’m not really sure what your point is with these examples.

  13. A nice piece of Judaica would be a good idea, like a miniature or a honey dish, or a serving platter, or utensils. Or a book, or tehillim, or a sefer? Think of something you think she’d use but would never get for herself. Perhaps a yom tov cookbook?

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