Parents

Parents are not paper which you use and throw away.

Parents are not a cash point from which you take money and go.

Parents are not a rock which never cracks.

Parents are not only a family name or a sign on the door.

 

For parents are paper which absorbs everything.

And parents are like a bank which gives and gives.

But you have to enter, to sit down and to talk

And perhaps return at a later time.

 

Parents are soft chalk and fragile too.

Parents are a family name with a meaningful ancestry.

Parents are a large and complex family
On whose back there is a big and heavy rucksack.

 

Parents are people who make mistakes sometimes

But even with their mistakes, they love endlessly.

Parents will always remain parents

Whether their child is eight or fifty.

 

But parents are also made from expendable material.

They get tired, with the years

Therefore when there is an occasion

Preventive care of love and warm feelings

Could probably delay old age a little

And give a moment of honour, enjoyment and motivation

 

Source unknown.

 

(thank you to FS and HC for the translation from the Hebrew. I was shown this poem in its original Hebrew, and was so moved by it that i wanted to share it with all of you)

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The weekend

We drove down to Monsey this past Shabbat, me and the 4 princes, to spend time with our favourite KoD and his delightful court. I bought a great thingummajig for the car, to enable me to run my laptop from the cigarette lighter, so the princes could watch DVDs – I am such a smart Ima sometimes!!!!!!!! I surprise myself. It kept them so quiet but somehow didn’t subdue the urge to make several pit stops along the way. I thought us women were stereotyped as needing the facilities more often – we aint got nothing on these guys. (maybe it was the Slurpees, tho? Hmm).

 

We got to do more family blending – although which attachment to the mixmaster we were using at what time – I will leave those out. Sometimes dough needs a lot of kneading in order to rise and be tasty, sometimes it needs to just be left alone. Knowing which dough is which takes expertise.

 

I was honoured to be able to stay at Lady LockNLoad’s palace, where I was made very welcome and treated like the Queen that I pretend to be. Next time I come over, Lady LNL, maybe you will show me how to use that fancy shmancy treadmill thing – looks way too complicated for my simple tastes. The kids stayed at KoD’s – they didn’t need their mother that close I guess. (sometimes I wonder if being a male mother would help me see through their eyes better).

 

I got great hugs from the princes and princesses – it is awesome to realize that in a few short weeks we will officially all be related through marriage.

 

Leaving does not get any easier. One would think that by now, knowing that KoD and I are soon to be married, and will see each other even sooner – that leaving would be no big deal. It breaks my heart even more every time. Every time we are together I fall more and more in love with him, with the great person he is. Tearing myself away from him this afternoon was so very painful. The kids were awesome on the way home.  Except being their yummy understanding selves made me cry much harder. “Ima, why are you so sad?” – because I love him and miss being with him so much. “Ima, its ok, you will see him soon and before you know it we will be living here and not having to learn French” (it’s all about the French, you see). “Ima if you are so sad about leaving why don’t we all just stay?”, “Ima, we are sad too….we love him almost as much as we love you” – that last phrase was a statement that was repeated several times over the weekend – and it touched me so deeply. My boys have so bonded with the KoD. Its so precious to see them together. Especially Prince ChatterBox. I think the KoD is his new favourite person in the whole wide world.

 

Coming back into Canada we had the laxest security guard ever. Didn’t even look at our papers nor ask more than “where do you live?” – he just waved us through, without bothering to un-recline his chair. I was so surprised. On the way down, the USA people insisted on seeing my license, car registration and insurance as well as the passports.

 

Anyhow we are back home now, and its time for all the plans to take off – less than 3 weeks to go till the wedding. Less than 3 weeks till Happily Ever After.

 

Have an Awesome Day Folks.

For my KoD

listen to the words, i wish they were my own, but they say exactly what i would choose to say, now, three weeks before our wedding, on the threshold to the rest of our long and happy life together.

The Mominator strikes again!!

So Wednesdays I like to run errands because it’s the one day that I have help in the house. I know I am spoiled, but with working and 4 boys, I need it. I generally leave work, and run until around 8 pm. Today I was on schedule with all that I needed to do, when my cellphone rings. It’s the school. Craptastic! My sixth sense tells me its trouble.  Hi Mrs Sabo….Prince Nameless (you think I am gonna tell you which one? He will kill me!) is bleeding from the head….I automatically tell the secretary that I am on my way without hearing more. I turn around immediately and head for the car, and thence to school. I get there, kid is sitting in principal’s office, with evidence of blood having cascaded down his face. Hatzalah (first responders) had been called, but when I wanted to talk to the guy he was davening, so I had to wait.

 

Heads bleed an awful lot, did you know that? Upon first inspection it looked like half his head was cut, but on closer look it was a teeny tiny but very deep cut, that bled profusely. Apparently the child had no recollection of what happened. Mmhmm. He went out of class to use the facilities and all of a sudden was bleeding from the head, with half of a fluorescent light bulb (the long ones??) in his hand, with a jagged edge. No one saw nuffink. And no one else seems to have been involved. Hatzalah dude says it’s highly unlikely that he lost consciousness, but kid maintains he has absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of what happened. I told him he wouldn’t get into trouble, that I wouldn’t even tell the principal – but he maintained his muteness. From such a cut one doesn’t lose consciousness.

 

The thing is, it doesn’t really matter what happened because he already got hurt. So knowing how doesn’t change things. BUT one does wonder where on earth he got hold of the light bulb thingummajig. And where on earth was the school supervision? Oy, don’t get me started…….

 

So, I brought the poor bloody child home, sat him on a stool, affixed my nurse’s hat, donned the nurse’s uniform, and got to work. Hatzalah guy says he didn’t need glue or stitches, and I tended to agree with him. (I have 4 rambunctious boys, we have had many glue and stitches incidents, and many incidents of going to the ER to be glued, and the cut not warranting it.) I had the bloody child perch on a stool, tilt his head and I sponged off the red stuff. All that blood from an itsy bitsy teeny weeny cut. The way it looked, I was nervous about his hair growing into the booboo as it healed. Picture this…..Cute as a button male kid, sitting on stool with hang dog expression, the Mominator wielding pink razor to shave the afflicted portion of his head. One of the other princes was holding his hands so that he wouldn’t reach up and grab my hand. It really was a Kodak moment. I cleaned the wound, antisepticked it and steri-stripped it. Yes I happen to have steri-strips in my medicine cabinet, along with many other dressings and first aid paraphernalia. (I have boys, I like to be prepared).

 

Within ten minutes of coming home he was as right as rain, raring to go, as if nothing had happened. Ima, on the other hand, needed a stiff drink and a heavy dose of Valium. But hey, just another day in the majestic court of ours.

 

Another day another drama – ain’t that the way life goes?

and in other news, this morning Prince Chatterbox said to me as i was hurrying him to get ready for school “Ima, can i tell you something? I’m so lucky that you are my Ima” – i just melted right on the spot.

The simple things

Sometimes it’s the things we take for granted that mean the most. One of my kids had an appointment today, and instead of making him go back to school at 3 pm (until 6) I allowed him to play hookey with me. It’s not that we went to the movies or bowling or did anything unusual – it was just an awesome chance for the two of us to bond. It’s very rare for me to have a decent chunk of one on one time with each kid, so I jump at the chance when I get it. I shlepped him with me to the bank (he is a good secret keeper thank goodness lol), and to buy groceries, then we went for a car wash. I didn’t turn on the car radio once, we chattered all the time (well he talked nonstop, while licking his enormously huge jawbreaker that he got at the appointment). I so enjoyed this time with him. So much of our time at home is taken up with nagging them to get up, nagging them to go to sleep, reminding them about homework and toothbrushing, there isn’t much time for just sitting back and shooting the breeze.

 

My ImaMeter feels refreshed – the kid even let me kiss him IN PUBLIC!! He has been whistling all evening and is even being extra nice to his siblings. I like these days, days when being a mommy rocks.

Lonestar

heard this song on the radio today, and it made me cry so hard i had to pull over, thinking about my KoD, how I miss him when we are not together. I miss him in every breath I take – I cannot wait to be with him forever.

Reasons to move

Gonna start a new theme – reasons to move to NY. It seems everyday KoD and I, or the kids, come up with another darn good reason to move in the southward direction. The mental list runs to about 532 right now, but I will be darned if I can remember any of them. Pass the Geritol – my mind is going…..

 

So today’s R2M2NY is that in NY it very rarely gets down to minus 25 which with the wind chill factored in means that it feels like minus 32. It is supposed to get colder here tomorrow. I had to run about a bit doing errands today – even 4 minutes in the cold was enough to freeze my eyeballs. I have been home for 2 hours and my feet are just now starting to thaw. You can’t wear your glasses in this weather because they steam up and freeze when going in from the cold, or out from the warmth, and its even worse if you put your scarf over your mouth which you need to do in this crazy frigid weather, or you feel every drop of moisture immediately freeze. Try sneezing outside in minus 30. Frozen snot. Lovely jubbly! We have gotten to the point that we don’t care what we look like, so long as we are warm. You see people bustling about with absolutely no facial skin showing. I looked like a total dork today – but I was warmer than I would have been had I cared about looking chic.

 

Yesterdays R2M2NY was that they have free medication delivery in NY. I had to take Prince HockeyFan to the pediatrician – whose office is oh so conveniently located on a steep incline of a hill. On the way back to the car, prescription in hand, I slipped on the rapidly fallen snow and fell and kinda shot a few feet down the hill. (I’m ok, just extremely sore in various body locations, the worse of which luckily is well padded. Cue music “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”). I got home, cranky and achy and with a bump on my noggin, threw supper together, fed the kids, and instead of climbing into a much needed soothing bubble bath I had to schlep out to Pharmaprix (please pronounce it right, its pronounced farma-pree) to fill my sons prescription. Woulda been nice for Mr PharmaPrix himself to deliver it. (my 6 year old thought the store was owned by a farmer called Pree…)

 

Last weeks major R2M2NY was that the healthcare system is apparently better. I would not have had to wait 3 hours to see a doctor when I was sick. I cannot go so far as to say that the doc would have given me the antibiotics the docs here didn’t want to prescribe – but I wonder if they would have.

 

But as you all know, (get the barf bags ready folks), the main reason to move to NY is….drum roll………WOODBURY COMMON SHOPPING OUTLETS…..what, you thought I was gonna say the KoD? Duh, that is such a given already!!  I wanted to tell you something you didn’t know.

How will they think of me?

I was recently at a funeral, for the father of one of my friends. He had lived a long and productive life, was a vibrant charismatic soul, and his loss will be sorely felt by many. He had such a positive impact on so many lives. I sat there listening to eulogy after eulogy. I have been to many funerals, it’s an unfortunate part of life. At many of those funerals the eulogies were puffed up – the deceased was made out to be a better person in death than they had been in life. Not this funeral. Every wonderful thing they said about this man was true. He lived his life to the full and enjoyed every minute. He knew his purpose in the world, he served G-d with every fibre of his being. He was truly a tzaddik.

 

I am sure I am not the only one who walks away after a funeral thinking what they will say about me when I am 120 and have passed on. Will there be lies, or half truths about my nature, or will the truth be as it was for my friend’s Dad? Will there be happy laughter as my life is celebrated? Will there be people whose lives will have been changed for the better by something I did or said? Have I had an impact on this world? Or will my passing at 120 be just a minor footnote in the annals of history?

 

I guess the lesson is to take every day and live it to the full, be a good person – do unto others as you would have done unto you, don’t talk badly about people, and do go out of your way to be kind and gracious. Don’t bear grudges – life is too short. Try to see the best in everyone and everything – it’s so hard, sometimes I am good at that, and other times, well, those times remind me that I am not perfect.

 

May we all merit a long, happy and productive life. Amen.

interview

i was recently interviewed for a mommy bloggers website. Enjoy!

How to be a good ex spouse / co-parent…

(Part one of a series)

I have often been asked how come I write nothing about the other parent in my children’s lives, how come I don’t blog about him and the divorce and the whole nine yards. I have to admit there are times when it is extremely tempting to do so, but I am not perfect either and I would hate for him to take to a public forum to discuss me and my faults. Even when a couple is happily married there are disagreements – they don’t need to become fodder for the masses. I figured I would share what works for me, and maybe someone somewhere will learn something.

My first tip is to be respectful of the other parent’s role in your child’s life. Just because you guys got divorced from each other, doesn’t mean that you divorced the kids, or the non-custodial parent did. Don’t bash the other parent in front of the children, and don’t yell at the other parent when the kids can hear. What is between the two parents has to stay that way. You are ticked off at the ex because of a perceived slight? Deal with it away from the kids. But deal with it in a respectful manner. You guys are allies, you are co parenting these precious souls. Belittling the other parent, calling names, and making threats – it’s so unhelpful, and emotionally so unhealthy. Make your point politely and move on. I find that it’s helpful to use email – although the tone doesn’t always come thru, which can be a blessing and a curse. But people, one email to say what you need to say is sufficient. You don’t need to send 10 emails to make the same point. That borders on harassment.

Let’s have an example. You believe that your ex needs to stop yelling so much at the kids because they have complained to you that it bothers them. You have a few choices here, ok? You can email ex and say “I hate you, you piece of poop, you made my kid cry, I won’t ever let you see them again”, you could even call to give the same message. Or you could email “the children have mentioned to me that it upsets them when you raise your voice, I just wanted to make you aware of this”. The first two scenarios guarantee a scene and a full scale yelling war. The third option, while seemingly mild, gets the point across that there is a problem, it needs to be addressed, but that there is no anger and resentment boiling. That you trust the other parent will deal with the issue in a timely fashion.

Of course, this only works if you are both committed to behaving civilly toward each other. I think it is helpful to remember that you once loved this person, you had kids with him/her – do not disrespect your own past by perpetuating the anger cycle. It helps no one.

More to come – if you have any tips, please email me at hadassahsabo at gmail dot com.