let me start by telling you a story. there was once an Ima who loved her boys very very much and when it was their birthdays she liked to spoil them a little bit. When Prince Squiggy turned 10, it was the end of the first summer that the Ima and her boys were on their own, and she wanted to give her son a gift that would lift his spirits big time. This special Ima decided to buy Prince Squiggy a pair of Heely’s, those sneakers that have wheels on. Prince Squiggy beamed, and took flight and had two and a half wonderful years of wearing and enjoying them. he followed the rules, more or less, of no wheeling at school or inside the house, or anywhere else Ima said not to wheel.
Monday happened. Phone call to this Ima from the principal. Hi, Mrs Sabo? Prince Squiggy got hurt, he was WHEELING in the gym (totally against school rules and Ima’s rules) and had a collision with a wall. Major freak out……run to car, drive drive drive get out of my way you stupid slow driver cant you see i have to get to school to rescue my baby??? honk honk…..park, run up three flights of stairs – emergency hatzolah personnel bending over my baby. Leg in splint, kids gawking….. they ask me if i can shlepp him to the hospital myself (means carrying him, or having him lean against me – sore ribs, remember? weighs as much as me? kid in abject misery, not gonna be driving listening to him cry and be unable to help him) or should they call ambulance. One hatzolah guy says should do ambulance anyway because leg needs total immobilization.
ambulance took almost 80 minutes to arrive. 80 minutes of poor Squiggs writhing in agony, of Ima feeling useless and inept at being unable to do anything to assuage her sons pain. it finally showed up. nice one. guys loaded Squiggy onto a wheelchair thingie in order to shlepp him down 3 flights of stairs – yes, no elevator in this school. (very heavy sigh). Ambulance rushes us to the hospital, down the steepest scariest hill. we get there, triaged etc, only to be told there was a NINE hour wait for non-urgent cases. NINE HOURS??? The Prince heard this announcement over loudspeaker and flipped out. My usually stoic and staid little boy was in tremendous agony – and he refused to calm down. (not such a bad tactic tho, should use it yourselves if G-d forbid you ever find yourself in this or similar situations). I left him with his father and cajoled a nurse into re-assessing him. we skipped the line up – but the kid was howling in pain. Doogie Howsers youngest cousin who just graduated from Kindergarten was our doc (don’t you have to be at least 16 to be a med student??) and was really sweet at helping our kid straightaway.
we were xrayed in record time, but it took forever to get a straight answer from Doogie and his senior resident. Turns out the kid had a spiral fracture near the ankle, very near the growth plate, but because of the way it spirals it was difficult to see how far up said fracture went. so lucky Prince Squiggy came home with an over the knee cast that weighs more than he does, and a cool pair of crutches. and the new pair of pants that he put on this morning – souvenir pants, because they got cut open. best 30 bucks i ever spent!! Not!
so its 12 days to the wedding, Ima has sore ribs, Prince Squiglets has a broken ankle, but BH the plans are going full steam ahead, because, gosh darn it, there will be a wedding and we will all be there with bells on, even if we are medicated up the freaking wazoo!!!!!!!! The Queen hath thpoken!!
(say a prayer for us please, i am so hyper right now – i would hate to be me in the morning………)