Daily Archives: May 21, 2009

Commandments of a newlywed wife in Frum world


  1. Thou shalt not wear loose clothing
  2. Thou shalt not ever complain of nausea
  3. Nor shalt thou complain that your head / back / little toe hurts
  4. Thou shalt not be tired
  5. Or sleep too much
  6. Thou shalt never be seen to put thine hand on thine stomach or thine back
  7. Thou shalt not overeat in public
  8. Thou shalt not undereat either
  9. Thou shalt not refuse wine at the Shabbat table
  10. Thou shalt not complain of thirst or hunger
  11. Thou shalt not grow thy nails long or heaven forfend polish them.
  12. Thou shalt not exit thine house without makeup on
  13. Thou shalt not wear a tichel and no makeup
  14. Thou shalt never touch thy husband in public in an affectionate manner


Failure to keep these commandments result in the spreading of rumours of an increase in number of family members within nine months.

Invasion of Privacy


As a parent I do a lot of things for my kids. Laundry is one of them. We have all found money, legos and lollipop sticks, tissues etc that all have somehow made it through the washer and drier intact. (well not the tissues – that’s just a huge mess). An acquaintance of mine once washed his passport by mistake!!


I don’t always remember to check pockets in the 20 pairs of pants I get to wash each week, but have told the kids it’s their responsibility to make sure their junk is out of the trousers before they get put in the hamper (it does happen occasionally). Once the clothes are in the hamper, they are fair game, right? So if I find a note in the pocket – I can read it, right, because there is no expectation of privacy. Or not?


My boys are growing up and need more privacy and want me to respect boundaries, as they respect mine. I want to. But….what if I am cleaning up the room and find pants on the floor that need washing. I pick them up to put them in the hamper and come across a bulge in a pocket. Am I invading his privacy by investigating or just doing my mommy jobby? What if, and thank G-d this hasn’t happened, I came across an illegal substance, or even cigarettes, in the pocket? Once you know something you can’t unknow it, but does the child have a right to keep secrets in his pockets until those pockets and their legs need to be washed?


What do you think?



“It is with deep regret that I inform you that at 8 o’clock this morning passed away my trusty old friend, Mrs MicroWave. She helped our family out for 14 long years and will be sorely missed.”


OK, I know it sounds silly, but we became very dependent on our microwave. I grew up never having one and not knowing what to use it for. When I was a newlywed first time around I had to be shown what a microwave was for. Now, my microwave died and I felt major panic. How would I make the couscous for dinner tonight? How would I defrost my bagel for my lunch? How would I warm up yesterday’s mac’n’cheese? What about popcorn? How on earth would I cope?


There was but one choice. Replace her. Now. Today. Before her loss sinks in too much and I have to learn to live without her. Just so happens that I have a big strapping lad around this morning so I yanked his sleepyhead out of bed to come and shlepp for me. We trekked to Walmart – sadly not within walking distance if you have to factor in a microwave to be shlepped, and deliberated for a while in front of their selection of “micro-ondes”. We picked a great replacement, paid for it (how did they get to be so expensive?) and now it resides safe and sound in my kitchen.


Ah, what a relief. My mental equilibrium is restored and I can rest easy knowing that my microwave is young and healthy and will help us out for many years to come.  


(and it’s only 9h30!)

Dress Dilemma

Perhaps you can help me with my dilemma. As you readers are aware I am a religious Jewess. I cover my hair and dress in a somewhat modest manner. I am not going to pretend I dress totally tzanuah coz we all know I don’t. My skirts tend to be a little on the short side (the good L-rd blessed me with great legs, I cannot hide them every day) and my clothes show off my youthful figure (I can say that, right?)


However, I do not wear pants outside the house nor do I wear cleavage baring tops. If I wear short sleeves they are usually not that much shorter than the elbow.


I have now started running and walking – outside the house. If you have ever tried exercising in a skirt you know how uncomfortable it is. Right now the mornings are not so warm so running in leggings and a shorter cotton skirt doesn’t over heat me, rather it insulates. But soon enough the weather will be blistering hot and I won’t want to be so covered. Those of you religious women – do you find it to be acceptable to your spouses and community if you were to exercise outside the home in loose sweatpants? What if you go to the gym and it’s a mixed gym – what do you wear?


I used to go to a ladies only gym and wear spandex and lycra, but there is no way I would do that now to run in the street. I want to be comfortable, modest and efficient. Is there a way to do this and not overheat?

Exercise Update

Well, I am really getting into this workout thing. I am enjoying it. I am trying to walk places instead of driving. Yesterday I took 25,000 steps! (so much for Trep’s 10K challenge lol). I have also made a commitment to eat better and to eat regularly. I am a skinny little thing and really not so into food, but with all this burning calories I have to feed the fire.


There are some awesome websites out there that help you keep track of what you eat and how much you exercise and how many calories you consume and burn. The one I have started to use is LiveStrong.Com . If you click on “The Daily Plate” that’s where you can monitor everything. If you have a weight goal it helps you keep track of your progress. It’s really very cool.


I just need a web application that gives me a kick in the patootie at 5 am – it’s very hard getting up when everyone else is sleeping, but I am motivated.


I even made the kids walk more yesterday. We had an appointment and we usually drive there. We walked, they complained bitterly, it took 15 minutes, and then they said it really wasn’t so bad after all. Once they get used to the idea they won’t even notice how much they walk. Kids these days are way too sedentary.


Within the next couple of weeks I am going to start stomach crunches – I don’t want a six pack, I think that looks ugly on women, but after 4 babies my stomach can use some toning. But I am not sure I can do crunches – any tips for the best way to do it without straining one’s back?


I am really feeling good about myself these days, I am more patient with the boys, I have more energy, and I am finally sleeping better. I want to stay with these positive feelings forever, so I will stick to my new routine.