Daily Archives: June 2, 2009

dear heart, fruit of my loins

I know you think you are a man and as such my rules dont apply to you. This morning’s events should show you how much you have to learn.

When I said you do not EVER touch my brand spanking new espresso machine EVER EVER, that is exactly what I meant.

 

I know you guys love the idea of having hot frothy milk with your hot cocoa, and I love to make it for you, MYSELF, as I know how to use the machine in the right way.

 

Your excuse that you didn’t wish to wake me doesn’t wash as you know I was already up. Your brother even told you what you were doing was wrong, but he’s only 9 so what does he know? Apparently a lot more that a boy on the cusp of teenagerhood.

 

See, in no espresso machine that I have seen does the milk go through the percolator. Every single time the milk is poured into the jug or cup and then frothed or steamed. You would know that if you ever bothered to be aware of your surroundings, instead of being constantly plugged in to your mp3 at ear splitting volume,

 

When you came to me in a panic, you made a good decision. Own up to what you did, and get it fixed. See the thing is it’s going to take me a good long time to get the burned milk out of the pipes in the espresso machine, a lot of time running boiling water through it, which also means I don’t get my coffee until I have fixed the machine.

 

Me, not getting my coffee – who suffers? Yes, surely I do, but I guess in a bigger way you suffer too. WHY? Am I a little crabby without my coffee in the mornings? Add to that the fiasco with my brand spanking new espresso machine and I am not a nice person to be around right now.

 

Dear heart, I love you but right now I want to boil your head, in my espresso machine, with coffee grounds shoved down your throat. That would do for starters. But because I am a good mother, I will just ignore you until I am caffeinated and then decide on a suitable consequence that sadly for me, will not include bodily harm.

 

Dear son, first-fruit of my loins, maybe one day you will realize that your old mother has a reason for saying what she does, and maybe you will realize that she is wise as well as beautiful. Oh and by the way telling me I look so pretty when you have just buggered up my espresso machine is a cheap shot and totally pissed me off. How the heck can I look pretty with yesterday’s mascara smudged over my under eyes, my hair a birds nest, my glasses half way down my nose, and a thunder cloud hovering over my head???? Flattery will not get you anywhere with me. No today anyway.

 

Now get thee to your room and start organizing and tidying and cleaning and no mp3 for you right now, and even worse, NO MORE BATTERIES for anything.

 

Signed

 

Your loving mother who remembers every minute of her long labour with you, every second of the two hours she spent pushing your big oversized head through her body, every freaking stitch they sewed me up with, every second of discomfort after birthing you. And yes it is my job to make you feel guilty over that, especially at times like this. This episode adds a couple of hours to the story of your birth, I think at this point I was in labour with you for 7 years………

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Tears of a Woman

 

Just received this in an email, it is one of my all time favourites so I wanted to share it with all of you. 

 
“Why are you crying?” he asked his mom. 
“Because I’m a woman” she told him. 
“I don’t understand,” he said. 
His mom just hugged him and said, “and you never 
will”……….

Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does 
mother seem to cry for no reason?”

“All women cry for no reason,” was all 
his dad could say……..

The little boy grew up and became a man, 
still wondering why women cry…

Finally he put in a call to GOD; when GOD got on the 
phone the man said, “GOD, why do women cry so 
easily?”

GOD said……. 
When I made women she had to be special. I made her 
shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the 
world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort….

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and 
the rejection that many times comes from her 
children……

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going 
when everyone else gives up and take care of her 
family through sickness and fatigue without 
complaining……

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under 
any and all circumstances, even when her child has 
hurt them very badly…

This same sensitivity helps her to make a child’s 
boo-boo feel better and shares in their teenagers 
anxieties and fears…….

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his 
faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his 
heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never 
hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and 
her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

I gave her a tear to shed, It’s hers exclusively to 
use whenever it is needed. It’s her only 
weakness….It’s a tear for mankind…….

  ~ Author Unknown

Immunity Boost

 

I am getting colds and coughs way too often – what can I do to boost my immunity? Thanks.

Little Dictator

 

“Ima, you have a fever. Did you take Advil? You need to be in bed. Will you please go to bed? I’ll take ChatterBox to school”.

 

I must listen to my 12 year old. He is right. I should be in bed. I am sick and cranky and just plain icky. My throat is scratchy, my nose is running and I am freezing cold. My head is pounding and my eyes are dry. I couldn’t even face a second cup of coffee this morning. Something’s not right here.

 

So I am diving under my covers, taking a sick day, leaving the ansaphone on – and probably watching crappy day time TV. You all behave, k?