Daily Archives: November 29, 2009

No Offense……

Puhleeze. When you preface any phrase with these two words it totally means “I am going to offend you but by saying no offense I am trying to blunt the edges”. Somehow my kids have learned this phrase and have started using it left right and centre. “Ima, no offense, but next time you make this could you put less salt / pepper / attitude?”. “Well kid, no offense, but how about next time you open you mouth you think before talking?”

In the same vein, when you vent, and then you add “I’m just saying” at the end – again it’s a tactic to minimize the bite, but I don’t think either of these tactics work. They are passive aggressive and are meant to absolve the talker of any responsibility for his/her words.

If you have something to say, say it nicely. Don’t think you can add a little phrase and it makes the pain of your words go away. Have the courage and belief in yourself that what you have to say has merit and just say what you need to say but in a polite and respectful way.

….just sayin’ …..

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How Many Candles?

How many Shabbat candles do you light? I light nine. When I was first married I only lit two, the minimum, in honour of Shabbat. As each child was born I added a candle as was the family custom. So by the time my first marriage ended I lit six candles every Friday night.

Soon after I was looking to do something symbolic to help me look to the future. I decided to start lighting three more candles every Friday night – one for Briut (health), one for Parnassah (livelihood) and another for Shalom (peace). I have a pretty candelabra with nine branches – and every time I light my Shabbat candles I am suffused with warmth and peace. When I light my candles I daven for people near and dear to me.

God works in mysterious ways. There are now nine people in our family. Me and the KoD, and our seven accumulated children. If all of these children had been born to me I would now be lighting nine candles.

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Boys and Their Toys

So, I am on the phone Saturday night with the KoD. We catch each other up on how our Shabbat was. He casually mentions “Oh, by the way, you now have your own GPS”. Sweeeeeet. “Did you get me the Pink Garmin one I wanted, honey?” I said, all excited. “Uh no, I got myself a new one, the one I told you about, so now you can have my old one.” (Black Friday sales are awesome!) Gee, so very nice of you, my dear. I get your old hand-me-downs of tech stuff. Apparently this is an unwritten male / female rule. Men get the new version of the toys, their wives get the older generation cast-offs. Not thrilled.

But here is the kicker. KoD added “Hmmm, perhaps you should really have the new one, it tells you when you are going over the speed limit.” Ouch, my dear, truly oucheriffic. Next time I see you I am gonna smack you upside the head with a wet fish, darling husband of mine. And you never go above the speed limit….no. Never.

So, people, does the tech rule exist in your house too?

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