Boys and Their Toys

So, I am on the phone Saturday night with the KoD. We catch each other up on how our Shabbat was. He casually mentions “Oh, by the way, you now have your own GPS”. Sweeeeeet. “Did you get me the Pink Garmin one I wanted, honey?” I said, all excited. “Uh no, I got myself a new one, the one I told you about, so now you can have my old one.” (Black Friday sales are awesome!) Gee, so very nice of you, my dear. I get your old hand-me-downs of tech stuff. Apparently this is an unwritten male / female rule. Men get the new version of the toys, their wives get the older generation cast-offs. Not thrilled.

But here is the kicker. KoD added “Hmmm, perhaps you should really have the new one, it tells you when you are going over the speed limit.” Ouch, my dear, truly oucheriffic. Next time I see you I am gonna smack you upside the head with a wet fish, darling husband of mine. And you never go above the speed limit….no. Never.

So, people, does the tech rule exist in your house too?

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107 responses to “Boys and Their Toys

  1. Absolutely, that is the rule in our house and trust me we have a LOT of technology floating around. Though I’m happy to say that I got the white iPhone when we both went in for our 3Gs’. A notable exception to the pile of older generation gear I have In my possesion. And yes, I have the older GPS. Haha

  2. I have the newer GPS, but his is a nav system built in to the car. I have the newer laptop. I think we have the opposite rule about tech stuff. We’re both techy geeks, so while he has an iPhone and I have a G1, the only e-book reader in the house is my kindle, which was a hannukah gift. We gift each other techy presents because it’s difficult to buy gifts that we don’t already have. I have to say even with my friends, the newer tech presents shift back and forth and right now my girlfriends have the newer stuff. It’ll cycle back and the guys will get the newer toys next year.

  3. The rule holds true in this house also.

    However, weren’t you just saying how you don’t have the money to tip rabbis, but you have money for GPS and blackberries and such? Seems kinda like a double standard to me, but I have a different perspective on “necessities” since living in Israel.

    • Rebbetzin, your comment is a little snarky. First of all, Hadassah didn’t say that she “[doesn’t] have the money to tip Rabbis”, it was a discussion about whether or not it is a proper thing for schools to request. Second of all, for someone who drives 333 miles, each way to see her husband, perhaps a GPS device is useful, especially when roads are closed due to accidents. Third of all, navigation devices and blackberries (smart phones) are remarkably popular in Israel too, so what does your comment about “living in Israel” have to do with anything? Finally, what business of yours is it how others choose to spend their money and do you know what “double standard” means anyway?

      • Mark, I didn’t intend for it to sound snarky, judgmental, or in other ways inflammatory. I was just thinking that Hadassah often complains about not having money for certain luxuries (household help is a good example) but expects spending on certain other things (she HAS a GPS, and I bet her blackberry also does GPS, she WANTS a newer, pink one).
        FTR, I don’t think is it proper to request “tips” for Rabbis, but I do think it is good to show your gratitude to people who give many many unpaid hours (in addition to their paid time) to the guidance of their students. the problem becomes that people are not thankful for these rabbis and their work, or if they are, they don’t know how to properly express it, therefore schools send out notices, which are taken the wrong way, etc. Giving benefit of the doubt all the way around, I understand that not all these notices are suggestions. But, I know that for many, a definitive guideline, rather than rumors of dollar amounts are helpful.

        • “expects spending on certain other things (she HAS a GPS, and I bet her blackberry also does GPS, she WANTS a newer, pink one).”

          I WANT many things – don’t you? I WANT a visa so I can live with my husband….

          Just because I want something does not mean I expect it. I do not. I live a frugal life – and I expect nothing!!

        • While I understand your point Rabbi’s Wife, I am siding with Hadassah here. Setting aside whether it is appropriate for the Princes’ yeshiva to advocate that parent’s tip the teachers and rabbyim, the responsibility for doing so lies with Hadassah and the Princes’ father. If Hadassah’s husband chooses to do so, that’s wonderful, but at the end of the day, how the KoD spends his discretionary income is not a reflection on Hadassah.

          Although I will add that a pink GPS unit does not work any better or worse than a black one.

        • Rabbi’s Wife – FTR, I don’t think is it proper to request “tips” for Rabbis, but I do think it is good to show your gratitude to people who give many many unpaid hours (in addition to their paid time)

          I think you misunderstand how Rebbes are paid, they are NOT hourly workers paid for a set number of hours, but rather are paid for the job in its entirety (often called “globali” in Israel).

          I agree that requesting tips is almost never acceptable, even for traditionally tipped positions. As an aside, I also think that tipping Rebbes could potentially be VERY harmful to the students, Rebbes are human too, and humans show preference even when they mean not to, it’s often an unconscious thing.

      • Mark – your support, as always, means a lot to me. thank you!

    • Rabbi’s wife:
      I’m sure it wasn’t intentional but your comments sounded very condescending. Isn’t it a double standard to post something here which could cause H to be embarrassed (not that she was) while suggesting that YOU have a different perspective because YOU live in Israel? Does that make your standard better??
      This is a just a blog, not a confessional. And as a rabbi’s wife, your comments seem a little self-serving. The idea of tipping rabbis is abhorrent to me. I don’t tip my doctor either. Professionals don’t take tips. It could affect how they decide to spend their time on various people. Some ppl can’t afford to buy their rabbi’s time and attention and shouldn’t have to compete with someone of means. Just sayin

  4. While I agree that people should not judge how other people spend their money, I do often find it odd that people spend their hard-earned money on new gadgets when there is absolutely no need for them – they get a new itouch and give their cast off to their 11-year old. or they get an iphone when they already have a phone and an ipod. They really are just toys, and yet people don’t seem to feel the need to justify purchasing them to themselves. In this climate when many people are rather strapped for cash I’m always surprised when these same people spend any money at all on pointless gadgets. I can see that a GPS is handy, but all this other stuff seems to be getting out of control. Neither myself nor my husband have fancy phones and we just got our first ipod as I thought it might inspire me to exercise more (running etc). Why anyone would then ditch the ipod just because something better came out is beyond me. Especially if they had money trouble. Maybe I’m just a techno-phobe or techno-neutral but I just don’t get it. These things are toys and toys are for kids. Aren’t grown-ups past this stage?

  5. @NEWBIE:

    Well, those who are stupid enough to buy overpriced technology gadgets while they are brandnew are really those who drive technological progress.

    The rest of us, who wait until the price went down really sit on the bandwagon.

    It’s the same for people who are stupid enough to buy first-class tickets in transport systems: they really subsides the second-class passengers. (Can you count it as Tzdakah?)

  6. I’ve really been thinking about this whole thing – also regarding your comments in a previous post about how you can’t afford a cleaner. It seems to me that people set their own priorities about how to spend their money, which is completely fine and as it should be. But then it irks me when someone complains that they have to clean the toilets themselves, and yet is happy to spend their money on what I would call luxuries such as loads of shoes, manicures, massages, accessories etc. Most people have to choose. I choose to have a cleaner once a week and am perfectly happy not to get my hair/nails etc done or spend much other money on myself. But I would never think to complain that I can’t afford to do that. It’s my choice. If a person prefers to allocate their resources to buying new shoes/clothes/etc and then clean their own toilets, that’s 100% their prerogative-but don’t complain. It’s a matter of choices and priorities. MOst people have to choose and if someone’s not happy with the outcome then they could try rearranging their priorities. I know this sounds very harsh and unsympathetic – I just prioritize “easy life” (ie less toilet-cleaning) over material stuff. Perhaps it’s just hard for me to get my head round those that don’t.

  7. I didn’t mean to imply that Hadassah spends all her money on “loads of shoes,manicures, massages, accessories etc” – clearly she doesn’t. But she, and obviously many other, clearly do prioritize some of these things to a degree over other “luxuries” such as cleaning help.

  8. I am extremely careful with how I spend what little money I have – being a single mother for a few years has made me appreciate every little thing I am able to spend my money on.

    Right now my biggest splurge is on gas driving hundreds of miles to spend time with my new husband. A GPS unit is extremely helpful for me – driving in NY is still unfamiliar and I still get lost. GPS is available on my BlackBerry – but it is unsafe to use while driving, and holding a PDA while driving is against the law.

    Yes we have blackberries. When we got them it was a ridiculous sale at the phone company – otherwise I would have a boring plain jane cellphone.

    I think perhaps you all missed the part where I said it was a Black Friday Sale, and you all assumed it was an impulse buy. None of you even considered that it could possibly be a business expense and a necessary one for a husband who is on the road for his work a few days a week!! you were all quick to judge me / us as shallow.

    Dan LeChaf Zechut anyone?

  9. Lady Lock and Load

    How you spend your money is noone’s business. period. P.S. enjoy the new GPS. I don’t think that KoD means that you speed, chas v’shalom. Just that you do so much high way driving and sometimes it’s easy to go over the speed limit and it changes as you go on different streets. College Road has a 35 mile speed limit and the cops ticket people all the time, grrr! KoD wants only good for you (look, he wants to give YOU the new one!) Have a wonderful day!

    • i always drive slow on college rd and people speed past me. let them be the ones to be stopped by the cops. i don’t want another ticket.

    • Right, but when she writes it in a public blog, it actually becomes everyone’s business.

      I don’t get people who have public blogs and then wonder why a whole bunch of people comment on their private lives.

      This isn’t sixth grade. I’m sure Hadassah can speak for herself.

      • Abbi, you know we almost always agree, but I learned my lesson when I posted negatively on onetiredema. If you don’t agree, it doesn’t hurt to leave it alone. And in this case, I think Hadassah was just kvetching a little about having to clean the toilets after a late night at a simcha! Cleaning help was certainly not the focal point of the Panic Mode post.

        • tesyaa – thanks for defending me, not that i need to be defended. Abbi is entitled to her opinion as is every reader who comes here.

          Abbi – you said what you needed to say, no need to repeat it…

  10. Hey Newbie and Rabbi’s Wife,

    Lay off of Hadassah please. She deserves every little luxury that comes her way. I’ve known her for many a moon and the occasional splurge is more than justified, I wish she could have a lot more. Luv you Hadassah!

  11. We have a similar rule in our house when it comes to cars. Both of our cars are 4 year leases. My lease us up next month and Tzvi’s is up in two years. So, in January, I will get Tzvi’s car, Tzvi will get a new car and then in two years when Tzvi’s lease is up, I will get the car he gets now and he will get a new car again. Basically we each get a new car every two years. Fair? Maybe not, but I won’t say a word about it. What I will say is “Tzviki, Delmar Jewellers is having their annual 90% off blowout sale today AND you’re getting a new car AND you’re going to Vegas next week with your buddies…”

  12. @newbie: are you my twin???? @Hadassah. I love you and respect you, but why OH why can’t you just appreciate the fact that you can shop for food in your new town and country when you are in NY?? You have neighbours etc bending over backwards for you. Just appreciate it. You are a lucky girl. Why is it so important to have all this technology anyway?

  13. I’m really not trying to have a go at Hadassah – I realise she’s been through a rough time etc etc – and of course she ‘deserves’ every luxury she gets. Good for her. Great! If she gets cleaning help AND funky shoes/a new dress etc then great – if I had to choose between the two I’d get the help but that would be my choice and I wouldn’t complain about not getting the funky shoes I had my eye on. If I couldn’t afford either…well that’s a slightly different story – then I would expect some kind of sympathy (unless of course I was splurging on manicures/expensive hair treatments/ other “luxuries”). I am not a single mother. I can’t relate to her situation. But I also can’t quite relate to her priorities. I’m not talking about cheap phones (phone these days are a necessity) – I’m talking about the girly stuff – jewellery, shoes etc etc. As I said, I prioritise easy life over material stuff – she obviously doesn’t, which is totally fine and is her right. But then why complain when your lower priority wish doesn’t get fulfilled? Just push it up higher on the priorities.

  14. Hasassah Strauss

    Getting lost on the way to/from Monsey is a frequent occurrence for me, so I think a GPS is more than justified. Enjoy your new (to you) GPS! 🙂

  15. to answer the original question. in this house we pretty much share. (also, i have taken over the lap top anyway).

    As for spending specifically on a GPS, having owned one for a couple of years, i see it less luxury and really a lot more a requirement.

    As for what we each decide to spend on and on whom, that is between each of us, our families and G-d. No one hear has any right to decide or judge what is luxury and what is not. The same way that someone’s junk might be another’s treasure, one person’s luxury might be another’s necessity.

    Having met Hadassah personally, she is an awesome positive person.

  16. During a discussion, I said could not believe that H did not have a GPS and told the KoD same. I guess I am to blame for this “splurging” on “luxury” items.

    Now for the critics…

    @Rabbi’s Wife: For all those in Israel where there are 1.3 mobile phones per person, do I ask that those who come knocking on my door for handouts cancel their mobile phone? It is a basic necessity today, right?

    @ Newbie: There is a line about “walking a mile in someones shoes”. Perhaps you should drive a few thousand in H’s heels (:-)) before judging her. The Northway is one of the most lonely raods in the world and I sure would want to provide Long/Lat information to the AAA when my car fails. Frankly, given the spotty cell coverage there, I would prefer that H had a Sat Phone. I’m sure you heard about the person that died on the Northway last year because the cell coverage was lousy and his wife could not tell the emergency personnel where they were when they drve off the road at night.

    @Tila: This is not about shopping, it is about being able to manage in a new place. We’ve all offered to help H out but I’m sure that she’ like her independence. We had build in GPS (bigge splurge) so Shulamis could quickly learn her way around. It was very helpful.

    So, IMHO, in our busy, always on the go life, a GPS is closer to a necessity than not, but is not a matter of life an death. I’d rather clean my own bathrooms and have a GPS. Using the one on your cellphone is seriously dangerous. I have an iPhone which has a significantly bigger screen and is easier to use than the bby and I still own a Garmin (and a Magellan 😦 ).

    Getting back to the original question: Yes the Boys get the new toys and the girls get the hand me downs. It is a rule of life. We get the Gizmos you get the shoes and red convertibles. It just works that way.

    • Duvii – you are NOT to blame, lol! KoD has been talking about getting a new one for almost as long as I have known him, he was just waiting for it to come down in price.

      what the heck is a satellite phone??!!

      so Duvii, when do I get a red convertible 😉

      • You could ask Shulamis to explain to KoD how one absolutely cannot live without one. I am not sure that I understand the “can’t live” part so I am not the best one to take up your case.

        GPS – Can’t live without
        Red Convertible – need
        Food – Want

  17. Woah – a bit judgmental here, no?
    I’m not married, but works the same way with my brother. Until recently he would gets a new phone and he’ll pass on the old one to next in line (me) and mine on to next in line.

    The weekly cost of cleaning helping could be say $300, a (1 time) Black Friday GPS purchase can’t be more the $200, not to mention, splurging for clothes even once a month wouldn’t add up to the cost of cleaning help in that same month. For those who are equating the two, they’re not equal.

    • esoteric esther, where in the world does cleaning help cost $300? maybe in buckingham palace but NOT in the real world…

      • @Batya –

        $10 per hour
        6 hours/day
        5 days/week
        $300

        Not me, never had cleaning help, used to mop the floors while I was on conf calls :-).

        • $10 an hour is a steal. But, even if it were less than $300 a week, in a month it still adds up if it’s consistent help. A one time splurge on something electronic or not is still not comparable.

        • duvii, i was replying to esther’s comment above that 1 x cleaning help was $300. i think not. with regards to $300 weekly cleaning help, ppl. will generally have cleaning help 1-2X week not 5x/wk. personally, i’m a big believer in cleaning help & very thankful to G-d that i have it. for me, it is much more important than the latest gadgets, convertables, clothing & jewelery. everyone has their priorities & they are not all the same.

          • i should add that although i am not especially into the latest gadgets (eg, no blackberry, ipod, etc) i do think the GPS is worthwhile for hadassah to buy. i convinced my husband to a refurbished one last year (at a really good price) & we did. as it turns out, he hates it b/c he would much rather rely on his own map & directional skills & i thought i would use it to venture out on the highways (b/c i shy away from highway driving). in reality, i haven’t been venturing out on the highways & i don’t need it for the local roads that i drive & am familiar with, so it kinda hangs around & we use it once in a blue moon. however, i am sure that it will be a worthwhile investment for hadassah with all the driving she does. i agree though with Dovii that the black one probably works just as well as the pink one…anyhow, enjoy your new GPS regardless of whether it’s the brand new one or the new-to-you one!

          • I didn’t mean to insult Hadassah or anyone else. I can’t imagine how hard life must be/have been for her, judging by the posts I’ve read. I wish her all the best and that she should get everything she hopes and wishes for. Luxury or not! It must be hard writing a blog – it’s so public. People feel they have a right to judge. Sorry.

          • batya, you haven’t met my ex :-(.

        • OMG, when we talk cleaning help, we mean once a week for a few hours, not 30 hours a week!!!! Wow, a house with someone cleaning 30 hours a week must be constantly spotless!

          In our house, we have messing-up help for 30 hours a week,maybe more 🙂

      • My cleaning help costs at least $100 a week. My GPS cost less than $200.

  18. wow!
    this is ridiculous!
    one little, excuse me two little paragraphs with typical girlie unloading and there’s sooo much feedback. it’s HER life what’s with all the commentary.
    let’s all respect each others priorities and leave it at that

  19. I am horrified by the number of holier-than-thou comments here. Also uplifted by the support Hadassah receives from her friends.
    In answer to the posts question:
    Growing up, we and my Mom sometimes got the hand me downs. I will never forget the bday when my Dad handed me his camera and then made a HUGE deal about the brandy new camera he had purchased for himself. OUCH! My Mom often got Dad’s cars (this despite the fact the she earned more than he).
    My ex and myself did not do things this way, nor does my fiance and I. I find it condescending.

    P.S. Hadassah, if i had the means, I would send you “tips” so that you could afford the housecleaning help that you need and deserve! In the meantime, continue to encourage your princes to give you a helping hand.

  20. Lady Lock and Load

    I just told my hubby to please remind me to never write a blog…I could not handle all the critical comments out there!
    As for the cleaning help, I pay my lady ten an hour and five for car service. People split a cleaning lady for the day, meaning one family has four hours and the other has four hours. So it adds up to forty five a week. Something to keep in mind when you move here, unless your men won’t mind helping with the housework.

  21. @newbie:
    A household help tends to be more expensive than these kinds of gadgets, because it is a recurrent expense. The gadget, you buy it once…

    • I will express NO opinion on how to spend money, but just wondering … don’t the gadgets have monthly fees? I guess it depends on the gadget. My phone, and my husband’s and daughters, are prepaids and cost about $100 each per YEAR. Of course, my husband and I both work at desk jobs where a work phone is available when needed.

    • wasn’t so much talking about the gadgets – more the clothes/shoes/pampering etc. It all adds up, and while each one is a one-off, together they’re a whole large item of expenditure.

  22. Even a cleaning lady once a week is more than $3,000 per year. Yes, that’s money.

    • Ours is $50 a week, or about $2500 a year. Wow! That’s a very big expense. I never much thought about it in annual terms!

    • so thats how much i am saving…wow. but if i had the available funds, would it be worth it?? with a bunch of kids in the house, all the effect of one day’s cleaning would be undone in .5 seconds….Just because the toilets got cleaned yesterday doesn’t mean they don’t need it today.

      • Yes, our house becomes a complete mess even before Shabbos. The lady who helps us clean comes on Thursday morning, and even if we can keep the kids at bay Thursday after school and night, by Friday afternoon they are going nuts already and helping us mess up the house (my wife and I aren’t very tidy to begin with). And our bathroom floor has toothpaste all over it right now, and it’s only Sunday!!!! 🙂

        • hey mark, did you ever consider switching your help to friday? i find that it makes a big difference in how clean the house stays for shabbos (or at least till shabbos starts-lol) when you have friday help. in the past, i’ve tried thursday help but hated it precisely for the reason you described. friday help is so much more beneficial to me at least…

          • Lady Lock and Load

            I like having help on thursday. If I have help on friday and then they last minute have to cancel I would get really stressed out. If I have help on a thursday and she has to cancel then at least i have thursday and friday to clean myself (or better yet try to get someone else!)
            I like having cleaning help, it frees up my time to do other things I enjoy. Yes, the cleaning help costs money but I am worth it!

            • Sound bizarre but I have it on Sunday (I live in Israel so Sunday is a normal day). It’s brilliant – my house is defnitely at its worst at the end of shabbat – my cleaner comes and does the main stuff on Sunday. It stays pretty good til about Wednesday. I do superficial stuff to make it look good enough for shabbat. Not ideal (I like the sound of 30 hours a week!!!) but good enough for me and well worth the 200 shekels! Sounds a bit “out-there” but it really works for me!

          • Oh, we’ve thought about it and considered it, but Friday cleaning help is “premium” and usually goes to the people that take more hours a week than we do. Friday would be MUCH better for us!

        • this sounds like our house

          • I don’t like the cleaning help on Friday. I get too stressed out with the bathroom not being cleaned yet and I need to use it, or the kitcehn not being ready when I need it etc. It is so much easier when I am out of the house and it is done in my absence.

  23. Sorry – I realise you probably hate me by now but I just thought I’d an idea that you MIGHT find helpful. I have a friend who is extremely strapped for cash and she actually has a cleaner once every two weeks. She cannot afford any more than this and it is her big luxury. Obviously she does all the rest of the cleaning but she LOVES her fortnightly reprieve. Maybe this is a good compromise for you Hadassah. I’m really not trying to be facetious here – I just think that this may help you.

    • I don’t hate you – how could I hate (or love) someone that I don’t know?!

      i did splurge on a cleaner a few weeks ago after the kids had all had the swine flu at the same time and were home for over a week. It was necessary for my mental health. However much i would enjoy cleaning help, I am BH able bodied and there is no reason to spend that kind of money on something i can do myself.

  24. I just got a GPS for my husband because he is from Los Angeles and he keeps getting lost in NY and wasting enormous amounts of gas that we can’t afford.

    I didn’t realize I was living the high live…we have a GPS AND a cleaning lady–wow! (Neither of which we can afford!) I have friends who are very snotty about the fact that we have a cleaning lady who comes in 10 hours a week. If my husband and I, both who have extraordinary dust allergies and in my case also a disability, could clean ourselves we wouldn’t go for the expense.

    I also don’t get my nails done or get things waxed on a regular basis or get new shoes ever. I think we all make choices and what we ‘need’ and ‘want’ differs from person to person. I could argue that my friend doesn’t need to get her eyebrows or her hair done as much as she does but since I never ‘want’ or ‘need’ to do either of those things, I’d really have no idea what I’m talking about.

    As for who gets the new gadgets, it’s usually me. I’m the one who likes gadgets that make my life easier. I give my husband the old ones. My current favorite Gadget is the Kindle because it makes reading much easier for me with my arthritic hands. Barnes & Nobles just came out with its own e-book reader and I gave a look at my husband and he said, “NO! NO! NO!” Oh well.

  25. FWIW, I have an irrational pet peeve about cleaning help. My ex-wife insisted on having a maid biweekly once our first child was born. Apparently, it was too much for her as a stay at home mom to vacuum the rug biweekly in our small house.

    Or clean the bathroom.

    Or wash the kitchen floor.

    Or even have the service come on Friday, before Shabbat came in, instead of Tuesday, because that’s when it was convenient for the service.

    • My friend just had a baby and her husband ALSO has the same irrational pet peeve. He also expects her to do ALL the cleaning and ALL the cooking and work full-time. Um, hell no!

      As for what stay-at-home moms do and do not have time to do…well, David, why didn’t you try staying home for a day and see what you could get done while running after the kids all day while sleep deprived? Perhaps, you could have made cleaning the toilet an age appropriate activity for ages 2-7 followed by a nursing while cooking and washing the kitchen floor…? I’m “just sayin’.”

      • Had my (now ex) wife had a part time or full time job in addition to taking care of a single child, I might have been more sympathetic. As it stands, the times I stayed at home with my children have suggested a different response.

        • wow david – you’re brave saying something like this on a forum of mainly mums! Good for you – I happen to see 100% where you’re coming from (despite being a mum!)

          • Thank you Newbie — I have the utmost respect for women (and men) who stay at home with their children, just as I have respect for people who go out into the world to provide for those children.

            What I have NO respect for is men and women who make a lifestyle decision and are unable to accept the consequences of it. I’m reasonably certain no toddler suffered any ill effects from being in a playpen while the rug was being vacuumed. Mine certainly did not.

  26. Now, on to more important things, does the pink Garmin come with a pink holder because otherwise, what’s the point? 🙂

  27. Holier than thou is right!!!!

    Hadassah you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to these people!!!! She was venting a bit, big deal!!!! MYOB!!!!

  28. Who is rich? He (or she) who is happy with their lot.

  29. sorrry. I guess it was the way you worded it. Sounds as if you were ungrateful and expected him to get you the pinki gadget anyway. I know you have a penchant for shoes, hats, clothes and all that. I just wish I could do what you are doing without thinking about it @ all. I am not into shoes, but a good cookbook or yummy groceries to go with recipes from that cookbook would be nice…I mean you no harm.

    • Tila, I know that! it’s all good.

      I love a good cookbook. my favourite is the Accidental Gourmet Weeknights – a year’s worth of recipes…

      • I am a book addict. If I didn’t have flat feet and special shoes, I could have been a shoe addict. If my head fit in a hat, I could have been a hat addict. If my butt, well, you get it. We all have our penchants for things and we’ll sacrifice for them or when we cant, in my case, I go to the New York Public Library. I hear you can now ‘rent’ designer clothes, too!

  30. Wow. I never realized that sharing one’s story meant inviting assumptions and comments about aspects of it of which people are clueless. For some of us, technology is life-sustaining. For some of you it’s a cleaning lady. If that’s not the case for you, fine. Who cares. BTW I lived in Israel for many years and guess what! My passport did not come with a stamp that says “holier than thou” in it. Hadassah, thanks for always generously sharing your life!

  31. Lately I’m reading your blog more often than others because you post the links on FB, and when I saw that this had the most comments, I had to check it out. So I read through all of them…

    About the gadgets, I actually just got a blackberry tour now, because my brother decided to get a HTC Hero, so he gave me his Black berry. I’m happy with it even though it’s a hand down, because before I had a regular phone, and now I get to BBM with SN, since he has a black berry too! But with other stuff it can make me a little jealous to only get it because the other one got something newer.

    And about speeding, I got my license in September, so I’m a new driver, and while I was dating SN, I would always get so nervous and think that he was speeding. But I never mentioned anything about it to him, cause I figure he’s driving for a much longer time than me, so he knows what he’s doing. Do you ever use cruise control when you drive on a highway?

    With the materialistic stuff, it’s really hard, everyone has different standards and therefore can’t understand the other. I don’t have a lot of clothes, so I was really excited to be able to get Sheva Brachos clothes, which I would then get to use for Shabbos clothes later on. But then my father thought I would wear the same clothes that I wore to my L’chaim and vort, and that dissapointed me, but yet he wasn’t able to understand why it would make a difference.

    Luxuries is a relative term. When a person becomes poor your supposed to give them what they are used to, even if it’s more than what seems “average”.

    Also, I was reading your other post, about “just saying” and “no offense” and it reminded me of something. I’m a sensitive person by nature and I always like to do the right thing, so that if I hear criticism I take it to heart and try to fix whatever it is, but yet it makes me feel bad. So whenever I hear the words “no offense” I already feel offended cause that means I did something wrong/bad that they want to correct. So there’s this “wheel” that makes it easier to bring up touchy/feely topics, without having to use those words. It’s from the SHALOM taskforce, and it really makes a difference in how you communicate something that’s bothering you, so that it doesn’t put the other person on the defensive.

  32. Wow, I just read through this whole comments thread. I’m sorry people judged you for an innocent vent, H. You didn’t deserve that. I won’t get into the whole thing because it’s been hashed and rehashed.

    As far as tech stuff goes, I am usually the one with the more techy gadgets. But that’s mostly because I am a tech snob and am very specific about the gadgets I want and use.

    David did get a blackberry ages before I got my iPhone, so I guess having the latest gadget seems to go in cycles at our house. He is getting the newer iPhone when his contract with the blackberry is up. I generously offered to give him my old iPhone, tried and true, but he declined… Whatever 😉

  33. I don’t understand why it was so hard to understand what the Rabbi’s wife was saying- everyone makes life choices about how to spend their money so why complain about cleaning toilets if you choose to spend your money elsewhere? If you don’t like cleaning toilets that spend less and shoes and accessories and shell out for once a week cleaner.

    No one is saying Hadassah doesn’t “deserve” whatever she has (whatever that means. Are there people who are less deserving because they have happier lives?). It’s just odd when she complains in one post and gushes about new gadgets in another.

    • Abbi – I don’t understand why it was so hard to understand what the Rabbi’s wife was saying

      It’s easy to understand what Rabbi’s wife was saying. She was judging the choices, claiming there was a double standard (even though a school demanding tips is much different than a GPS or cleaning help, etc), and claiming that Israelis (at least her, because she lives in Israel) are somehow better. Very easy to understand … and completely unacceptable in content, tone, and meaning.

    • Abbi, I think Hadassah was just kvetching. You’ve never kvetched? The cleaning toilets was really just a small part of the previous post.

    • Why complain about paying for day school tuition when you could obviously just choose public school? Why complain about breastfeeding when you could just get a wet nurse? Why complain about flat feet when you could obviously just amputate them? Why complain about shopping at Target when you could shop at Loehman’s and just stop eating to make up the difference? Why complain about your children when you could just give them up for adoption to people who would, no never, complain about them? Why complain about complaining about complaining about complaining when people won’t even understand the sarcasm?

  34. Wow. What a string of comments!

    About the gadgets: I’m the technophile in our house so dh gets my hand-me-downs. Used to be the same way with the cars until the triplets (bli ayin hara) joined us and I had to get something large enough to fit everyone. Yes, he spoils me.

    As for where the money goes, I believe that every person and family decides on their own. I’m not into shoes and clothes and would rather have a new phone or some hand-dyed yarn. I’d rather have a cleaning lady twice a week so that I only have maintenance. I’d rather buy art supplies galore for my girls. Dh would rather have some shoes or suits or a really nice TV. We aren’t going into debt or sacrificing our needs or our children’s needs to buy these things.

    • I look back and I think sometimes my mother made a choice between my art supplies and our fruits and vegetables. I never missed the fruit and vegetables. I’ll never forget those art supplies or all my cherished works of art my husband has now hung up on our walls. Seriously, though I know my mother who was on welfare while raising us four kids had to give up some things (maybe not specifically) to keep me in art supplies when I dreamed from age 3 of becoming a fashion illustrator!

      Come on, people, don’t hate on Hadassah. Grow up.

      • we all make choices. people chose to come here and be snarky or whatever they want to call it. I don’t feel hated on, i just feel that people have a better use of their time than just bashing other people for different viewpoints…

  35. wow H, you have quite the stir over and not sure that the people that jumped on the oh for shame you evil incarnate spoiled brat train even answered your initial question.

    In this house, I have the gps and dh has the newer laptop… what does that mean? I get lost a lot and type faster!!!!

    Congrads on the gps KoD, however, the pink ones are tre’ cute, even if they do the same thing as a black one.

    and KoD, way to stand up for you wife, kudos to you my man!

  36. So that’s the type of toys woman like? and i thought otherwise go figure…

  37. You know what’s funny? No one got their gatkes in a twist at Hadassah because she said “Apparently this is an unwritten male / female rule.” Most of us understood it’s a joke although I’m having fun imagining the possible comments (“That’s such a sexist thing to say!” ” And how dare he give you the cast-off!” “Well, lady, marriage is your lifestyle choice so you shouldn’t complain…”) LOL.

    As always, Aliza cracks me up! And Chanief, I’ll take your old iphone/imac/flatscreen or VGA-enabled monitor anyday.

    Ok, now, kumbaya hugs for everyone! 😀

    • Jean, please, don’t start something else….I beg you… LOL

      My tongue is firmly in cheek most of the time…. some people need to learn this.

  38. Hadassah,

    First of all, who are all these people getting on your case? get a life peeps!

    In our house, you-know-who has the newer laptop, the iphone and the tv/tivo in her studio so she wins the tech war.

    Please remember me if you get tickets in Ramapo! I can help.

    • DaveK ( 🙂 )

      I don’t plan to ever get tickets as I have promised the KoD no speeding ever ever ever again. But if the cops mess up and do ticket me, you will be my first call.

      You know who is lucky to have the newer laptop but she totally deserves it as you and i both know how hard she works…

      (woman totally owes me now….)

  39. Wow! I finally finished reading all those posts!
    Sounds like people are getting their undies in a knot due to other stresses in their lives and are venting a bit themselves!

    My hubby gets all the toys, but he shops around for them and asks me first before he splurges.

    We LOVE our GPS- it’s a new built in unit that has a back up camera, CD player, USB connection, and was able to save us hours of sitting on the highway Sunday when there was an accident and a whole lane was closed. It tells my hubby to slow down too- only he yells back at her… Telling her she has no right as he paid for her!

    • It tells my hubby to slow down too- only he yells back at her… Telling her she has no right as he paid for her!

      omg that is hysterical! I can just hear R doing that and pointing his finger at it!!

      • Lady Lock and Load

        Hey Hadassah, didn’t you once have it out with your hubby’s GPS in August when you were in Lakewood and it kept on saying to turn right on Route 9 (or something similar). You threw your shoe at it didn’t you? That is why KoD needed a new one, right? Ah, you don’t remember because you had some good stuff at the chasunah 😉

    • I regularly tell my GPS “SHUDDAP!” Really should stop tho, the toddlers started telling the GPS that too. At least it’s just the GPS and not me or hubby

  40. Hi! I never posted here before, but it seems like the place to be….

    (1) blogs are public – but it isn’t like your chance to criticize your class enemy, it’s **entertainment**. so you need to take that idea (materialism but getting tuition discounts) and depersonalize it before starting the comment thread

    (2) tips for GOOD Rebbes – and traditionally never for Chanukah by the way – are out of an understanding that they are working in an underpaid profession and can always use a few extra dollars. And the good Rebbes never look differently at the families based on how much they happen to tip (or not) – that’s part of having good midos.

    Never mind that nowadays sometimes it’s the female teachers who are the only breadwinners, and my heart goes out to everyone who has a Rebbe they feel they have to tiptoe around to be on their good side – my friend sort of has that but because she’s got challenging kids.

    And Hi to Hadassah. What’s your schedule like, and your cleaning expectations? I’m thinking of dropping my cleaning help, getting the kids more involved, but they might not be old enough yet…..

    • Shifra – welcome!!

      as for cleaning expectations – my 7 year old is old enough to tidy his room, make his bed and take out the garbage. the next one up is 11 and more capable – he likes to wash dishes. the oldest two – 14 and 13 – clean bathrooms, mop floors etc.

      this being said, it isn’t always to my high standards and I may have to re-do it myself while they are at school BUT it gives them a chance to learn to do something and be proud of their accomplishments. even a 3 year old can “sweep” the floor.

      I ask for their help minimally during the school week, but erev shabbat everyone has to help!!

      Toilets need to be cleaned every day IMHO – esp with 4 boychikles… I like a clean house but I am not crazy about it. so long as the kitchen and bathrooms are wiped down daily, I can live with that.

      the upside to cleaning help – when she is finished the house sparkles from top to bottom EVERYWHERE, the down side – it takes perhaps 10 minutes for the work to start to be undone. when you do it all yourself, the work is never totally finished.

      Hope I helped!

  41. I think I married to the ONLY man on this planet who has absolutely NO interest in gadgets– I think he is missing that boy needs a gadget gene– in fact when I met him 12 years ago– to give you some perspective- I had to ARGUE with him to get a CORDLESS phone for his apartment–Of course I’m all about the gadgets and like you I’d LOVE LOVE a pink GPS.. just saying

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