Daily Archives: December 8, 2009

Shadchan Responsibility – heinous or harmless

Scenario : First date, young man takes young lady to dinner after their references have all been checked and found to be stellar. They have a lovely meal and are getting along well. It comes time to pay, and he freaks out because he left his wallet at home. The girl pays, thinking that there will be a second date, so its an investment in the future. She comes home and calls the shadchan (matchmaker) and tells her about the date and what happened. Shadchan isn’t surprised and admits that this scenario had happened before and, shrug, she thought the problem was over and in the past.

If the reference person has this kind of information surely it was incumbent on her to disclose this to the young lady. After all this kind of information really speaks to his character. She wouldn’t have had to waste an evening on him, not to mention an expensive dinner. The girl got her hopes up, was looking forward to a second date. Of course she dumped the guy immediately, but still, was bruised from this.

Was this heinous or harmless on the part of the shadchan?

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I don’t want to learn

Lifted from Hashkafa.com

I see a lot of articles about guys who are frustrated b/c they do not want to learn all day and can’t find girls interested in a guy who wants to have a job and be kovea itim (setting aside time daily to learn Torah).

What about guys who aren’t interested in being kovea itim either? I’m talking about guys who just want to go along, be Orthodox, maybe they’ll go to the shul rabbi’s shiur (lecture) once in a while, but are not interested in learning regularly. For whatever reason, it isn’t for them. They just don’t like it or find it stimulating or whatever. They’ll still go to davening and all the other stuff. They just aren’t interested in learning.

What happens to these guys? Do they have to lie about it and these are the people found in advice columns where the wife is upset her husband doesn’t learn more? Is there some kind of code word or phrase used in shidduchim to denote these kinds of people? Are they the ones who are “older singles?”

HSM: So dear readers, how would you respond to this letter?

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Yehudit and Holofernes

I recently learned that it is a tradition to eat dairy on Chanukah. And here I was thinking dairy was just for Shavuot. I have been an observant Jew all of my life, and I never heard of this before. Upon further googling, I found out that this tradition is based on a story about a beautiful widow (perhaps the daughter of Yochanan the High Priest, father of the Hasmoneans) called Yehudit (Judith) who bribed a Syrian-Greek general called Holofernes with cheese, got him drunk and chopped off his head, and saved her village. (That is totally the abridged version of the story. For a lengthier explanation click here).

This story is not part of our Tanach (abbreviation for the books of Torah, Prophets and Writings) which probably explains why I never heard of it before. Our school was very big on learning approved texts, and the story of Yehudit is from the Apocrypha (written in Greek) and its authenticity is in question. Perhaps it is an allegory, perhaps not. True or not, it is yet another example of how a brave woman put herself in harm’s way and used her feminine wiles to save her people.

Now that I have heard of this custom, I wonder how many people out there know of it. I also wonder how many of us (male and female alike) would be able to just chop off someone’s head like that. The story makes it sound like it was no big deal, that it took only two strikes of the sword, but I am so sure it was awful for her to do.

Could you have been a Yehudit? Do you make a point to eat dairy on Chanukah?

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