I am a crier. I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am sad. I cry when I am angry. I cry when I am outraged. Whenever I feel extreme emotion, the tears, well, they just flow.

It bothers the KoD to some extent. He still laughs when I cry during a touching moment….in a commercial! He expects the happy tears, and the sad tears when we say goodbye. It’s the angry tears that seem to just frustrate him. He gets that I am angry and usually knows why. But doesn’t understand why I am crying if I am angry. Tears are not something he associates with that emotion.

I asked him why that was. He says because he loves me, he wants to make the tears go away, to fix the problem. Tears do not help with a solution. I guess when I am angry at him the tears are also perhaps a subconscious tool – look how upset you have made me, I am crying to make you feel bad, now fix it. Except it isn’t how I think at all. I hate being angry, especially with him. I love him with all my heart. I cry also when I am angry with the kids. It’s just what I do. I guess maybe it’s like those people that giggle uncontrollably (the giggle loop) during serious situations – at funerals for example.

Do other men feel this way when their woman cries? How do you deal with it? How does it make you feel?

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4 responses to “Teardrops

  1. I think I could be like you in a way. I can get sensitive and cry, 2 weeks ago I was in a shul in Israel and they were making Havdallah, I had the psamim and passed it to my little sister and didn’t notice a lady behind me needed it. After Havdalah she talked to me in Hebrew and in a way I wished I didn’t understand her, she said it wasn’t nice what I did. Then I got upset and tears came to my eyes, because I always want to do the right thing, so it bothered me that I did something wrong.

    I also cry when I get angry, but that only happens after something bottles up inside and I burst.

  2. i too am a sensitive being & i tend to resort to tears easily. in my opinion though, none of us humans are perfect specimins & when someone marries us, they are marrying our good & not so good qualities too. we may not particularly like every single aspect of our spouse’s character traits but overall they are the one we want to be with b/c we love them so we & they are all package deals.

    when i first got married, my sensitivity most probably irked my husband more but now after nearly 20 years of marriage (ba”h) i think he realizes that it’s my nature & accepts me for who i am. i am sure the same will happen over time with you & the KoD & when you think of it, you are still in the shana rishona (first year of marriage) where you are still getting to know one another (even though i know it feels like you’ve known each other forever)…

    another thing is that maybe over time things won’t bother you as much as well. for example, when i first got married i used to get very insulted over little remarks that my MIL made which hurt my feelings. over time, though, i learned to laugh about those comments & they generally don’t bother me as much as they did in the earlier years…

    bottom line, we are all human & with that comes personality traits that may not always be appreciated by our loved ones but hopefully over time, we will be accepted for who we are b/c no one is perfect!

  3. From this description, it sounds as if the KoD is trying to “fix” a problem that his lady has, whether she wants him to or not. Maybe Hadassah simply wants him to listen to her problems. I think that is what many men do (as John Gray and others have mentioned) and I have often done that with my queen when she “complains” about something. My well-intentioned suggestions sometimes only anger her more.

    I think that we “knights in shining armor” may be doing more harm than good when we think we can solve our ladies’ problems when she may only want to be heard. It will take a lot of practice–I’ve been married 8 1/2 years and still have to learn this.

  4. Lady Lock and Load

    When the wife cries and is upset, the husband feels bad, like he is failing in some way, so he goes into fix it mode. But after he’s married a while he realizes that his wife just needs to cry and vent and be listened to.
    I try my best to make up at the end of the day if I have gotten angry at Lord Lock and Load. I will even force myself to say I’m sorry (before I really mean it) for the sake of peace. Of course I rarely get angry at Lord Lock and Load for he knows better than to arouse my WRATH!

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