Since Thursday night I have been battling the worst migraine of the century. Medication helped in fits and starts, and I was able to be a coherent guest, with my kids, at Friday night dinner.
I have taken Excedrin and Fiorinal and coffee and Imitrex, nothing really helped for longer than a couple of hours. I usually am able to head these migraines off at the pass. The second I feel the stabbing in my right eye – if I pop an Excedrin Migraine tablet I am usually good to go within 30 minutes. It didn’t help this time.
By last night the migraine was so bad my stomach was affected too. I couldn’t even bear for the kids to touch me or kiss me. I think that was worse pain than the headache itself. Poor little loves, all they wanted to was to help me feel better.
I allowed them to watch the British comedies on PBS on the TV in my darkened room. They had a need to be close to me. They kept the sound down low, so we managed.
I don’t know how I was able to get them up for school today, but they are usually cooperative in the mornings, and they knew this was not a morning to create trouble. BH I have awesome kids.
After they left I went back to sleep for a few hours and woke up feeling ever so much better. I am just exhausted though. These migraines drain every bit of strength from me. I hate them. I know this one was totally stress-related. It’s hard not to feel stressed when I am still in limbo.
I try to keep a positive face on things most of the time, but sometimes it does get to me. Sometimes I do want to lie on the floor and kick and scream and wail that it isn’t fair. I look at what I have and I am grateful. I have 4 awesome sons who are healthy and well and just the best kids in the world. I have a husband who I adore and loves me to distraction. I have TWO communities filled with friends – here and in NY. I have so much love and support around me. Most of the time I do feel blessed. But then I think about how different my life would be, how much better it would be, if we were living in NY with the KoD. The schools would be better, I wouldn’t feel like I was parenting on my own, those big strong arms would be there to surround me and make me feel safe, I wouldn’t have to worry about long car trips across the border. Is it really so much to ask to be able to live with my husband? It’s been almost a year, and I am almost at the end of my rope. I have been so patient. KoD has been so patient. Even the kids themselves have been patient. But it’s beyond normal now.
I could have the apartment packed up and ready to move in 48 hours. We have everything ready and waiting for us in NY. Schools are set up, the kids have where to lay their heads at night, they have friends in our new neighbourhood, and I would be able to look for work instead of not being able to work here. We would be settled. Limbo sucks.
I hope and pray that this is the week when we hear about our visas. I hope and pray that I can get out of this funk that I am currently in, and back to my usual cheerful self. I hate being a downer. (KoD, I am sorry if I am being a grump on the phone – I miss you so much. Hearing your voice always soothes me, but makes me miss you even more.)
So people, I am trying, I am trying to be optimistic. But right now it seems difficult, so just bear with me.
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