Daily Archives: January 21, 2010

Immigration Update

My KoD rocks. I am so blessed to be his wife. He has spent hours upon hours trying to get someone / anyone to pay him some attention and help us out with our immigration time line. The onus of these calls was all on him as he is the American who is sponsoring us. (Plus I am apt to get highly emotional and sometimes that gets in the way). We were told that this Haiti earthquake took priority, which I understand, and we have to be…..all together now…..PATIENT. Finally with his dialing finger about to fall off he reached someone who not only was able to help but actively wanted to. Someone helpful in government? Must be KoD’s charm.

Montreal is so popular especially with people applying to move to the USA. Yep. That’s why we are so darn delayed. Too many people going through the Montreal consulate. We have been told that it’s likely that we won’t have the visas until the end of March, possibly a little earlier. End of March is Pesach time. It’s another two months away. Another two months being away from our KoD. Another 2 months lost of decent schooling. It means spending our first wedding anniversary apart from each other and possibly my birthday, and my son’s. (It’s on the same day).

But at least we know. At least we now have some idea of the time frame we are dealing with. It has been sheer hell every day wondering will today be the day we get a letter? Will I be writing a rent cheque next month? Do I accept this wedding invitation or commit to going to that barmitzvah? At least we know now more or less what we are dealing with.

I am going to try to look at this as good news. Yes. Silver lining. Mmmhmm.

And btw KoD – you are totally awesome. Thanks for working so hard for us all. We love you. Counting the days till I see you again.

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My kids are in shidduchim!!

No, not mine. Not now, hopefully not ever. Yes, that’s right. I hope they find their other half by themselves without my involvement. They are good looking boys and very personable, so they won’t have any problems. I do everything wrong anyway so I would fail big time with the shidduch checklist.

Let’s see how I would fail as a potential Mother in Law:

First and foremost I am divorced from my children’s father. Major strike against me. I use paper plates; sometimes I use a coloured table cloth on Shabbat; I totally stack dishes at the table; I sing zemiros; I am a loud opinionated wench; I think women have an important place in orthodox Judaism – and it isn’t being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. (Wait a sec, barefoot isn’t tznius!!!). I serve gefilte fish on Shabbat; I wear a seatbelt in the car at all times; I don’t cover my hair in front of my boys; I watch movies and TV; I drink unsupervised milk; and I rock on to 80s music; I wear pajama pants at night; I let my boys use gel in their hair when they don’t have school. Oh. And I blog.

How would I measure up?

I have a tiny waist and can squeeze into a size 2 if I have to. And that’s after birthing 4 kids. (Why that should matter with having sons, I don’t know). My hair is covered, mostly with a wig, when I am outside the house. We keep kosher and Shabbat and Taharat HaMishpacha (family purity). I gave the kids a yeshiva education. I don’t lie or cheat or steal.

So many people that I know will say, I have kids in shidduchim so I cannot admit to that (whatever THAT is) in public. It will count against my kids. I can’t go to the movies with you because I have kids to marry off. I can’t breathe in public in case someone might see my chest rising and think I was being immodest and it would count against my kids in shidduchim.

Whatever happened to honest and true family values?!! Isn’t that important too when looking for a life partner?

So, dear readers, what other insane questions have you been asked or heard of when having kids or friends in the shidduch parsha?

Disclaimer: This post is semi-tongue-in-cheek. If any of my kids wanted me to arrange shidduchim for them I would. It is just meant to highlight the insanity that I believe has somehow contributed to the shidduch crisis today.

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Divorce Poll

I know that many of my readers are or have been divorced and are co-parenting to some degree with their ex-spouse. I was curious to know how you communicate with each other and how that works for you.

My ex and I communicate primarily through email. We don’t use the kids to pass messages. When it’s something urgent concerning the kids we will talk on the phone (like when Squiggy broke his leg), but we try as much as possible to do it all by email. There is less chance of disrespectful dialogue that way. We have learned to be straightforward and to the point in our emails. Extra unnecessary verbiage just doesn’t help. He is not my friend. Nor am I his. We ONLY communicate about the children. There is nothing else that needs to be talked about. We both have blackberries so we know our message gets to the other person immediately.

This email communication really cuts down on arguments and actually gives a written record which could be useful. The only problem with email is tone. Sometimes you read something into a sentence which totally isn’t there.

So how do you communicate? Does it work for you? Do you think good communication will only work if the other party is on the same page as you and willing to be civil too? What do you wish would change? Does your ex use any communication opportunity to remind you of why your marriage ended? To go on about your failings as a husband / wife / parent ad nauseam?

ETA – how long were you married? How long have you been divorced? Are you or the other party remarried? More kids? Step-kids?

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Of Lawyers and Cheesecake

Squiggy said to me the other day that we should have a reality show about us. I personally think it would be pretty boring, but then, there are those moments…..like last night.

Wednesday nights the boys spend a little time with their other parent, and I generally hang out with a girlfriend. It’s my one night a week to socialize. Last night I spent time with Lady Diddliedee. We went out for a great dinner, onion soup and sushi. Tried to find cheesecake – yeah, kosher cheesecake in Montreal at 7.30pm on a Wednesday night – apparently this provincial backwater is not set up that way. I jokingly texted the KoD to ask him to run to the Purple Pear and get us some and then meet us in Lake George.

So we got back to my house, and within minutes the boys returned full of energy and pep. I sent them all to their rooms to get ready for bed while I schmoozed with Lady Diddliedee.. Prince HockeyFan showed up in the living room, wanting to lodge a formal complaint against Prince ChatterBox.

All of a sudden we had a mock courtroom set up and much hilarity ensued. HockeyFan presented the case for the prosecution, and ChatterBox was called upon to defend his action of annoying his older brother. I was the judge and Lady D was the court reporter or interested bystander. There was much use of the word allegedly and the defendant had a very difficult time of testifying without getting a severe case of the giggles. We had no jury as it was totally a kangaroo court. I had some really good lines, but this morning I cannot remember one. But it was funny. Lady D and I were totally in fits.

Final arguments for the prosecution and the defense were heard, the defendant finally pleaded guilty and was sentenced to spend the night in his bed forthwith with no time off for good behaviour. Everyone was pleased with the outcome, the press was dealt with, and the prisoner removed to his cell. The prosecutor patted himself on the back for a job well done, and was sent to bed too. Oh the injustice of it all.

I gently told Lady D that when her adorable and cute little kids grow up her house will be just as “busy” although I may have used the word insane…

Just another day in the palace of the Queen of Hearts…..

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