My kids have friends over for dinner quite often. One of these kids is like a son to me. He and my son have been buddies since preschool many moons ago. They are comfortable in each other’s houses and are the best of friends. My kids set and clear the table in rotation. Well, it’s not really scientific, because I keep score in my head, which isn’t exactly accurate because apparently I keep asking the same kids to clear the same table in the same house more than once a lifetime. Oh the horror!
Tonight I had 5 boys sitting at the supper table. (I should have bugged the kitchen) Anyhow, it was my eldest’s turn to help, and I asked his friend to help him clear. Part of my reasoning is that he is really one of the family, and secondly if my son’s friend is helping he (my kid) can’t / won’t whine and moan that it isn’t fair, that it’s always his turn.
My kids, wherever we go as a family, or wherever they go as individuals for meals they always offer to clear or to serve, they get up from the table and make themselves useful. Without me prompting them, I might add.
But someone I know is horrified that I ask my kids’ friends to help. Apparently I should wait on them hand and foot. I don’t do that to my own kids. My own kids have to sing for their supper as it were.
Am I wrong?
I received this letter over the weekend, and took some time to think about my answer. I will say what I think, and then ask you, dear readers, to chime in with your opinions.
I love your blog. You are just so fresh and honest and funny. I wanted to ask you a question. Is it normal for a husband to look at other women? Does the KoD look at other women? It bothers me. I do my best to make the most of my looks, and I think I am attractive, but I always notice my husband glancing at the women around us, in restaurants or at simchas. Does this mean that after two years of marriage he isn’t attracted to me anymore?
I think it is normal for anyone to look and appreciate a thing of beauty. If you go to the bakery for bread, you notice the yummy cakes and desserts. But if you are on a diet you don’t buy them. They are not ugly to you, only forbidden. They look great and you can appreciate their splendor. But you walk out of the bakery only with what you came in for.
We notice many things around us, and for some people it happens to be that they notice the opposite sex a lot more than others do. If your husband is looking at other women it doesn’t mean that he wants to be with them. From what I understand, men are by nature more visual than women. Me, I notice good looking guys and I notice good looking women. I am sure sometimes I stare when I see a particularly attractive specimen. It doesn’t mean that I want to ditch my marriage to be with that person. I don’t. I just take a few seconds to appreciate the beauty that God has created. And I move on with my day. I will be honest, I have never seen the KoD checking out another woman, unless I have pointed her out to him. But I do believe he is the exception rather than the rule.
If it makes you that uncomfortable, talk to your husband. Tell him that it bothers you and express your concern that he no longer sees you as attractive. I am sure he does not even realize he is checking out other women. Once you make him aware of his behaviour, it’s possible he will do it less, or at least be more aware of himself when he is out with you.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a licensed therapist nor even claim to know what I am talking about. Do not make any decisions based on anything I say. Professional help should always be sought when there are issues to deal with.
OK readers, now it’s your turn to chime in…..