A young couple gets married. They get a certain amount of money for wedding gifts, and some decent items with which to start off married life. Whose responsibility is it to pay the rent and their bills? Who should buy them their furniture and everything else they need?
In our community many of the young couples starting out are very young, and not in a financial position to support themselves at the start of their marriages. Now, in my mind, if you cannot support yourselves, don’t get married until you can, but that isn’t the way it seems to work. Parents and in-laws seem to bear the burden of supporting married children, sometimes more than 2 at a time, until such a time as the married couples can support themselves.
When I married my first husband, we had NOTHING! Neither side was wealthy and we didn’t expect anything from anyone. He was starting out in his career, I went to work, and we managed. My grandparents gave us a new washer and dryer, which was really an awesome gift but that was it. It took us a couple of years until we bought a dining room table – until then a folding table and chairs had to suffice. It took a few more years till we bought new sofas, and then a bedroom set. We bought everything ourselves. There were many times that making the rent was tough, but it didn’t occur to us to go to our parents for a hand-out.
It seems that these days, within the religious orthodox community, kids expect their parents to give them everything at the start of their marriages and to continue to help until they can financially stand on their own two feet. I don’t know how these parents are able to do that, especially after footing the bill for the typical lavish wedding. Why does a young newly married couple even need a fully furnished apartment from day one?
So here are my questions to you. When you got married what did your parents or in-laws give you? What did you expect? If they supported you, for how long did they do so, and did you feel uncomfortable accepting their help? Or did you feel it was your right? When your kids get married, what will you give them? Will you allow them to get married knowing you will have to support them, or make them wait till they can earn a decent living? What are your thoughts about the whole situation?