Daily Archives: March 23, 2010

Some people!!

Why is it that some people have the need to fill silences with total ridiculousness? I ran a few errands today and bumped into an acquaintance. She’s had a tough time with the males of the species – she is one of those who thinks that all men are bad. Part of me understands her – I went through that a while back but even then I was not as bitter as she is.

So she knows our living situation, and commiserated with me. Then she said “it must be so hard sitting at home wondering all the time if he is where he says he is, if he really sleeps at home, constantly worrying that he is cheating on you” – Projecting much??? I was flabbergasted!! I told her, with a smile, that we trust each other 100% and there is no doubt in either of our minds as to the other’s fidelity. She snorted, said “there are none so blind as those that will not see” and flounced off.

Now, this woman has never met my KoD, does not know him at all. If she did she’d know how ridiculous her statements sound. How dare she make these terrible generalizations just because of her negative experiences with men and marriage. How dare she try to put doubt in my mind? She didn’t succeed at all, because I rest assured in the knowledge that my KoD is totally worthy of my trust, and I am worthy of his.

I feel bad for her that she thinks all men are cheats and liars. It’s tragic that she hasn’t found that special someone that she can trust. It’s devastating that she will never be able to pull herself out of this terrible mode of thinking to allow herself to ever trust a guy again. It’s become so ingrained in her, that she doesn’t even see it.

So sad.

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Immigration Questions

Our immigration interview is coming up real soon, and I have spent the morning printing out photos, making sure I have the right documentation (criminal background checks from everywhere I have lived since the age of 16, medicals for all of us, birth certificates, marriage certificates, divorce decrees etc) and putting it all together in a file. I have been told by others that it’s important to also provide any paperwork that shows the KoD’s name with mine – for example: bank statements, bills etc, even though it isn’t asked for specifically. I have to take more passport pictures tomorrow for myself, luckily I still have two each for the boys from when we took photos for the medicals.

Over the weekend I spent some time talking with the boys about how to conduct themselves at the interview. To only speak when spoken to. To speak politely. To answer the questions posed – but not add any additional information. To tell the truth only. I could apply for the younger boys to be exempted from the interview – but I think it’s important that they are there and take part. One of the older ones told the youngest that if he is as annoying as usual they might not let him into the States. Brothers can be so nasty.

One thing I couldn’t tell them was what questions we will be asked. I have absolutely no idea what kind of things they will want to know. I know the documentation will tell them most of what they want to know. I know they are looking to see if this is a marriage of convenience. Let me think about that for a second. Living apart, managing two residences, juggling 7 kids between us, car issues, driving up and down the I-87 every other weekend for over a year, missing each other – this has hardly been convenient!!

If you have knowledge of this kind of interview – will they ask the boys any questions? What questions will they ask me and the KoD? Will they even ask the KoD anything as he doesn’t have to be there, but chooses to come? Does what we wear matter?

None of us has anything to hide – so I am not too worried, I just want to be adequately prepared and have the kids ready for anything that might happen.

Thanks in advance.

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Poll for the menfolk

Of course, it’s a poll about your ladies. Do you like them to wear make-up and get dressed up, even if it’s just to spend time with you? Does it bother you if they make no effort whatsoever and shlump around in their sweats / pjs – or do you prefer that look? Do you ever ask your lady to put make up on, or dress nicer? Do you not notice at all what she is wearing? Do you ever wish she would make more of an effort? Does she dress differently now than when you were dating? How so? Does this bother you? What are your views on the robes that many religious women wear a lot of the time?

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Mikvah Question

I have been using the mikvah for the last 16 years (whoa, am I really that old??) apart from the few years when I was divorced. I thought I knew all there was to know. The more I read the more I find out there are customs I never heard of. Yesterday we talked about the knife under the pillow. Today I ask a different question. Apparently there is a custom that from the moment a woman immerses in the mikvah, after she comes out, until she has 3 items of clothing on, she is not to say a word other than the bracha (blessing) for the immersion. Is this a known custom? On what is it based? My mikvah lady is a chatterbox, and the conversation only stops when I am dunking, and I would think she would know about this inyan (matter).


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Confrontation WWYD

Are you the kind of person who does all they can to avoid confrontation or do you deal with it when necessary?

Say, for example, you had a friend who suddenly stopped talking to you and avoided you. If they saw you in the street they’d cross the road to avoid you, if you saw them in the store they’d pretend not to see you.

How would you deal with this? Would you just chalk it up to being their loss, and move on with your life? Would you wonder what you had done wrong but just leave it alone because you didn’t really want to know if you were the cause? Would you email? Would you call her up and put her on the spot? Would you go up to him in the store and ask point blank “are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?” Do you blame yourself, that for sure you did something to them, or do you blame them that they are crazy?

(I had this situation many times after my ex and I separated and divorced. People just did not know what to say so they avoided me. I found it cowardly and hurtful. I have found that generally when people are uncomfortable with something they find a way to avoid it – even if it means hurting someone’s feelings)

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