Some people!!

Why is it that some people have the need to fill silences with total ridiculousness? I ran a few errands today and bumped into an acquaintance. She’s had a tough time with the males of the species – she is one of those who thinks that all men are bad. Part of me understands her – I went through that a while back but even then I was not as bitter as she is.

So she knows our living situation, and commiserated with me. Then she said “it must be so hard sitting at home wondering all the time if he is where he says he is, if he really sleeps at home, constantly worrying that he is cheating on you” – Projecting much??? I was flabbergasted!! I told her, with a smile, that we trust each other 100% and there is no doubt in either of our minds as to the other’s fidelity. She snorted, said “there are none so blind as those that will not see” and flounced off.

Now, this woman has never met my KoD, does not know him at all. If she did she’d know how ridiculous her statements sound. How dare she make these terrible generalizations just because of her negative experiences with men and marriage. How dare she try to put doubt in my mind? She didn’t succeed at all, because I rest assured in the knowledge that my KoD is totally worthy of my trust, and I am worthy of his.

I feel bad for her that she thinks all men are cheats and liars. It’s tragic that she hasn’t found that special someone that she can trust. It’s devastating that she will never be able to pull herself out of this terrible mode of thinking to allow herself to ever trust a guy again. It’s become so ingrained in her, that she doesn’t even see it.

So sad.

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17 responses to “Some people!!

  1. oh my! what a thing to say to anyone.

    She is obviously bitter and she is trying to bring you down. her remarks need a snappy come back although i’m not that snappy…

  2. YIKES. Serious projection there …

    But *YAY* for confident and strong relationships!

  3. I’d just give her a hug and tell you are sad she feels that way. She’s obviously been badly hurt and can’t see any good in men…that is something to pity and feel sorry for, not be angry about. I hope she finds some peace soon and then love might find her too.

  4. lady lock and load

    Woah, poor thing is so bitter you could use her for morror! I feel sorry for her. But also mad that she would accuse KoD, that’s not right, even if she did have a bad experience with men, still no excuse.

  5. i like LLL’s morror comparison-can you tell that she is high into pesach mode? 😉

    i feel sorry that this friend has been so burned by men & believes the way she does. thankfully there are a lot of special men around & BH some of us are fortunate enough to be married or in a relationship with those men. i feel sad for her that she is so bitter & hopefully she will meet someone special & will change her views.

    it is irksome when ppl. try to bring others down with their bitterness by trying to plant seeds of doubt in others but just enjoy your special marriage & don’t let the naysayers get you down :)!

    wishing you an awesome pesach together with the love of your life!!

  6. you’re all right and it was wrong what she said. and not to minimize the slight/insult she so thoughtlessly blurted out, but you don’t know if she felt bad about it after. or if hadassah’s confidence made her rethink her second statement later on. of course i don’t know if either of these happened but i just feel so bad for her. i’ve been pretty strongly bitter too and i’ve changed around. it’s a hard place she’s in right now and though it’s a very difficult thing to ask of others we do have to understand she’s been through trauma and had her trust completely broken. any wound needs time, effort and medicine (in this case proof that trust is justified). it is wrong of her to jump to such conclusions and generalize and say such things, but i hear pain screaming for mercy, don’t you

  7. I bear her no ill will, I actually feel really bad for her. I have tried to help her in the past but she isn’t ready to accept help. I am sure she regrets what she said – but i cannot just laugh it off. If I would have been (God Forbid) less secure in my marriage, it could have led to big trouble btw husband and wife.

  8. I work with inner city teens. I can count the number of kids that I have met with intact families on one hand. Many have never known from couples getting married and raising children together. When I mention that I have been married for 14 yrs, or that my husband is away on business, it inevitably goes to a place where it is not only a question, but it is absolutely ASSUMED that he cheats on me and me on him. As though there is no way that 2 human beings can forsake all others for over 14 yrs. They think I am an idiot that I think my husband doesn’t “hook up” with other women.

    It’s what they know. Even if she knew KoD, it probably wouldn’t matter. How very sad.

    • lady lock and load

      how sad, tikun olam. But you are dealing with inner city kids, and this is a grown adult woman who is casting suspicion on a frum person. Well, she must have had a hell of an experience and still has not recovered.

      • LLL,

        I would give the woman the benefit of the doubt and say that she wasn’t really suspecting a frum person; she was bitter and venting. Nevertheless, she needs to think long and hard about generalizing about all men. Sometimes dumping is not a good idea.

  9. lady lock and load

    If someone would tell me that about Lord Lock and Load I would be laughing my head off!

  10. Is it preferrable to trust and never be deluded (even if this is not the truth) or to mistrust and be deluded?

    A woman I know well opted for the “never be deluded even if it is not the truth” option.

    I cannot understand why she hides from reality. So I want to shake her.

    But on the other hand: she is happier this way…

    I don’t know.

    What do you think?

  11. I’m sorry. That was an incredibly cruel thing for her to say. It just makes me sad because she must be in so much pain inside. I hope that someday her faith in love and fidelity and trust are all restored and her heart heals.

  12. Some people aren’t happy unless they spread misery.

  13. Yikes. I feel sorry for her misery and that she seems to have had very bad experiences with men. I’m sorry she said that to you, and I am glad you and the KoD have complete faith in each other (as you should in a marriage.) It can be difficult to deal with jaded people. I hope that one day she can trust again, maybe then she’ll find happiness.

  14. That was a pretty heinous thing to say. I would hate for anyone to say such disgusting things about my spouse and our marriage.

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