Daily Archives: April 22, 2010

You are such a guy – part two

I just vented the following story to my eldest son and he says it makes absolute sense. He also says it’s male logic and I just have to accept it.

Yesterday I sent a picture to the KoD of some bed linens I had found in the linen closet. (You will remember we have discussed buying new linens and cannot agree on a pattern). I had bought them about 3 years ago, and used them for a while until I found something more girlie.  But all I said with the picture was – do you like this bedding? His response – “a most emphatic NO”. Then I told him that I found it in my linen closet. His response – “if free, then I like it”.

What on earth do you mean by that? If you don’t like it then you don’t like it! No? His explanation was that if I was going to spend money on it, then no absolutely not, there is no way on God’s green earth that he would want me to buy that bedding. But if we already have it, then why not. Sure I can bring it down with me and we can use it.

Does this make sense to you? Is this really a crazy male logic thing? When I like something then I like it. If I hate it, free or not, it won’t change my mind!!

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“You are such a guy!!”

A new series.

I say this so often to the KoD. He drives me crazy sometimes with his pragmatic look at the world. He is Mr Logic and I am Ms Emotion. It makes for some interesting conversations. I attribute a lot of it to him being a man, and looking at things in the male perspective, but maybe, just maybe, it’s just him?

My KoD has the most clutterless house I have ever seen. You don’t need something, out it goes. Papers are filed, they do not pile up (shocking!!), no dirty clothes on the floor, no socks under the sofa cushions, no wet towels thrown over the bed. When he takes something out of the cupboard he puts it back in the same place when he is done. (OK this is something I really like!! Wish the boys would learn to put things back). He is not OCD – but is seemingly allergic to excess stuff. Oh what a rude awakening he is in for when we move in!! Snicker.

Me, on the other hand, I have stuff. I am a woman, and as most people know, being a woman means having a lot of stuff, especially, if like me, you are a girlie girl. Make up and hair dryers, curling irons, and hair products, wigs and hats and scarves, in every shade and colour. Lotions and potions. 170 different pairs of shoes vs the 3 pair that most men have. We have clothes that fit us, and clothes that don’t but we wish that they did so we hold onto them just in case we lose those excess pounds. We have photos and mementoes that we have kept since we were in grade school. (I still have my autograph book from when I left elementary school). Birthday cards that our kids made for us in Kindergarten. The dollar store fake carnation they presented us with at their first grade French Spectacle. Most of the things we keep have feelings and memories attached to them. Ladies – you know what I am talking about!!

So we were talking the other day about packing and moving and all of that, and I happened to mention that I have a lot of the kids’ artwork to bring with me. His view – I am sure it is sweet etc but why do you need to keep it? (Well, I do have most things in quadruplicate. Same school, same teachers for all 4). Because the kids made it for me. “But why do you need to keep it? You are not going to look at it again. Ever.” – again, my answer “Because the kids made it for me. Duh!!”. “But what is the point of keeping it? They drew that when they were 3 – they can draw better now. Get rid of it.” Sigh. He is such a guy. I bet he would say to chuck out that carnation too…

It isn’t that he is not sentimental. He is. He hasn’t thrown out any of the cards I have sent him (but maybe that’s because he knows he would be in BIG trouble) and he does appreciate when the kids draw him something, or make him some lego or show him something they are working on. It just doesn’t need to stay around in a drawer for years.

KoD, I love you to pieces, but you are such a guy!!!

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Heinous or Harmless – marital possessions

This stems from an interesting discussion I had with the KoD last night. We started off talking about my numerous crystal serving platters that I unearthed during yesterday’s marathon declutterfication. Most of them I probably received as wedding presents first time around, and have never really been used or seen the light of day. We were discussing whether I needed to bring them with me when we move, or if they should be passed on to someone who will use them. (I said bring, he said pass. (OK I actually mentioned I should hold onto them because please God soon in a few years we will be making Sheva Brachot for the kids….)).

So this got us thinking. When folks get divorced, do most throw out or get rid off EVERYTHING that they shared together, do they buy all new stuff, do they keep some things and not others. What worked for you?

My point was, that generally, the wife / mother gets to stay in the marital home with the children (even if, like me, they eventually have to move). In order for the kids to have some familiarity and comfort at a tough time, I am of the opinion that the mother should more or less keep everything – at least dishes and stuff like that. The one that leaves is the one that usually has to buy everything new.

I immediately got rid of our beds and the linens and everything like that that I associated with the togetherness of being married. But that’s where I stopped. I still have the dishes we used, the candlesticks I got as a wedding present (I don’t use them any more), the challah board, the dining room set and the sofas etc. My Shabbat dishes are gorgeous, but I used them during my first marriage – is it cruel and unusual punishment to use them in my new marriage? (Do you know how much one pays for a Noritake place setting these days??!!)

Is it heinous to hold onto this stuff, especially going into a new marriage, or is it harmless, and ridiculous to expect someone to make a totally clean slate and get rid of everything they owned during their marriage?

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