Daily Archives: May 6, 2010

MEN / boys – a survey question for you

Do you remember to put the toilet seat down when you have finished your business? If you do, who is responsible for banging that into your head? Your wife or your mother? If you don’t, does your wife / partner get upset with you? (it’s, uh, for market research. Yeah, that’s it….)

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Divorce – Men Hold All the Cards

I saw this post somewhere else, and thought it was a good question.

I’m FFB [frum from birth], and lately have been analyzing Judaism’s approach and views of men and women. I used to believe that male vs female was just that we have DIFFERENT roles, not that men are placed more on a pedestal. However, recently, my friend went through a divorce and there were many issues where the [soon to be ex-husband] flexed his male muscles regarding holding back a Get [religious divorce]. It took her over 2 years to get it. Why is it that a man can keep a wife chained but not the other way around? Can someone please really explain this to me??

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Take Your Serenading Elsewhere

Dear Pigeon.

I know you like my balcony. In the last few days you have made it your favourite place to roost. I really don’t mind you billing and cooing to your lady friends from there at 10 am, or even at 5 pm. But at 4 in the morning, do you think you could turn down the volume a little bit? This mama needs her beauty sleep.



One Tired Ima

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Friday Night Mikvah

I think going to mikvah on a Friday night (or a Yom Tov night) has to be the most difficult night to go. Especially if you have young children. Especially if you have older children. Whether it is right or wrong (and we have had this discussion a time or two) we don’t really want our children knowing when we are going to mikvah, when we are Niddah, when we are not. It just is not modest and not something to share with children.

On Friday night the time to dunk is usually around the time the men start to daven maariv in shul. When one has little kids, and needs to go, from what I have learned, it is incumbent on the husband to stay home from shul and watch his children while his wife performs this mitzvah. It’s easy when the children are small to tell them mommy has to go help a friend. But what do you tell them when they are teens and they notice that their father is not in shul and won’t buy the “friend” story? Or they come home from shul and they notice that mommy isn’t there?

I have heard a time or two that many women push off mikvah if it falls on Friday night. They will just go Saturday night instead. This bothers me so much. Yes it’s annoying to have to make arrangements to go on a Friday night, but the annoyance is far outweighed by the joy of being able to reunite with one’s husband – and on Shabbat too, a double mitzvah.

So, help me help other women – what works for you for Friday night mikvah? How do you manage to get it done without the children being any the wiser? What about if you are staying at friends for Shabbat, or if you have a simcha, or company staying with you? How have you managed it then? Do you think it’s fair to the husband to push off mikvah for a night, just for convenience sake?

Edited to Add (thanks MG) – what do you do when the mikvah is not within walking distance?

(inspired by IR)

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