Leil Limmud

What the heck is with people? ARGH!!

Next week is Shavuot, and the male folk of our community traditionally stay up all night learning Torah. My boys are all planning to be at their yeshiva learning. Well, except for the ChatterBox, he is way too young. I think it’s great – if they can do it, more power to them. A lot of men find it extremely difficult to learn all night, and forego this all night learning marathon session. I believe they know their limits and are respecting them. There are some programs for women too, and as emancipated as I am – I shall be sleeping, thank you very much. I am too old to stay awake all night by choice.

I was asked if I am “letting” the KoD stay up all night to learn. Who on earth gave any woman / man the power to allow their spouse to do something, especially something religious??!! If the KoD wants to stay up all night and learn, good luck to him, better him than me. If he doesn’t – that is his choice. Not my choice. Does he have to ask me permission to daven in the morning? To make brachot? To go to shul? Do I have to ask him if I am allowed to go to a shiur or go to the mikvah?

So, apparently, I was unaware of this, there are a bunch of women who forbid their husbands from Leil Limmud (all night learning) because they feel their husband’s place is to be home with them, able to help out with the kids in the morning, take a couple to shul with him, instead of snoring away until noon or later. They feel it is unfair for them to have to deal with a cranky and tired husband over the rest of the holiday. So they don’t allow their men to go learn. I am flabbergasted. I would never stand in the way of my husband wanting to learn Torah, or my kids – I just don’t get it. I really don’t.

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Mikvah Stories Sought

This is a message from a fellow bloggista, over at RedefiningRebbetzin.

I am working with a Modern Orthodox Rabbi from New Mexico on exposing the reality women face when observing Mikvah.  We are trying to gather more personal stories of women who have been questioned about their Jewish-ness or need to immerse, either when making an appointment or upon arrival or any other difficulties women have been presented with.  His peers have been outraged to hear the stories which have come forth so far, but there are few women who have shared their personal stories to date which makes it appear potentially less wide spread.

So I ask you to take a moment to reflect on your own experiences.  Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable about your mikvah observance? Do you have a friend who has ever shared that she had a difficult experience? It only takes one experience to make a story with sharing, as one negative experience could be the difference in someone’s observance of the mitzvah.  Please spread the word to those who may be able to share as well. We promise all stories will remain completely confidential and names will not go beyond my inbox.

We are on the verge of making some changes, and cannot do it alone.

Please send an email in the strictest of confidence to: Melissa at redefiningrebbetzin dot com. Alternately you can email me at inthepinkblog at gmail dot com.

Give Her a Get

@kvetchingeditor pointed me to this “interesting” video and I thought I would share it with you. I am interested in your thoughts….

Looking for first hand stories

I have written a few times about the sad plight of the Agunah, the chained woman. I know there is another side to this coin, that of a chained man. The ex-husband whose ex-wife refuses to accept a Get. You don’t hear many of their stories as it is mistakenly assumed that they are few and far between.

If you are a man, who is chained and wish to share you story so that others can learn important lessons about both sides of the Get please email me at InThePinkBlog at gmail dot com. All names will be held in the strictest of confidence.

Am I the only one?

Last night the phone rang at 10.30 for one of my children. Most people, and most of my kids’ friends, know that they are not to call after 10 pm. I like my kids to get as much sleep as they can, and if they are on the phone till all hours, well, sleep will suffer. I also don’t like late night phone calls – that’s when I talk to my KoD. Don’t want any interruptions or distractions. So I told my son’s friend that he was already sleeping and would see him in school tomorrow. I hope my son won’t get teased for being asleep so “early”. Apparently most of his classmates are allowed to stay up late.

Are any of you this strict with bedtimes for your teens? With house rules about late night phonecalls? What works for you?

May your strength be straight.

Sometimes being the grown up sucks. A lot. Don’t you ever want to just throw a tantrum like a toddler, and have a warm pair of arms to just hold you tight until the ugly mood has gone away? Don’t you ever get tired of “wearing the big girl panties” and want someone else to make all your problems go away?

We are going through some stuff right now, for sure. Thankfully it’s not health related nor is it relationship related. Me and the KoD, we are rock solid. He continues to be the best thing that has ever happened to us – and I fall in love with him deeper and deeper every day. No matter what is going outside of the two of us, BH we don’t allow it to affect our USness. It’s such a bracha.

Interestingly enough, when he is physically here with me, or if I am there with him, it’s as if NOTHING can hurt me too deeply. I am strong as his strength is infused in me. Almost by osmosis. But put 333 miles between us, and I am easily put adrift once again. Sure we call and email and text throughout the day. It’s never enough though. But my friends, my dear sweet friends pick up that slack. They call and email. They come around with hugs and chocolate and wine. My boys with their effervescence and simple faith are a balm on my soul. They all remind me that I am a strong woman in my own right. I have got through rough times before, and lived to tell the tale. (and how!!)

We are loved not just by our blood family. We are loved by our communities. I cannot tell you how blessed we are to have such warmth surrounding us. Our community here in Montreal and the KoD’s in New York have been so supportive and loving to both of us, to all of us. I guess when your own family is far away you need a circle of people around you to fill that void. The only time I feel alone is when I allow myself that deep wallow in self pity and that is so unnecessary.

Thank you to all of you for reminding me I am strong. Thank you for supporting us through thick and thin. Thank you all for being there for us. May we all celebrate many simchas together.