Sometimes you touch someone’s soul, in ways you never expected. Chaviva has been my friend for a while now, and I love her with all my heart. I was so humbled to receive this letter from her, and as requested, am putting it on my blog.
What can I say about you, Hadassah? You’ve been my yiddishe mama, guiding me through some of my most stressful and heart-breaking moments with my own family. My parents, largely unwilling to deal with my conversion and my life events as a Jewish woman, have distanced themselves from me, even saying they weren’t going to come to my wedding. You took me by the hand and calmed me, on a daily basis, being what every Jewish gal needs — a mom. You made me smile, you made me feel proud of who I am. You are always helping me to see myself as something special and something important. You are my guiding light in many ways.
To all people, you are loving, caring, kind, and you always are trying to help those around you. You use your blog to pose important life questions and then rally support (or crowdsource, in the e-term) for answers to these pressing questions on family, Judaism, life, and relationships. I’ve never seen you turn a blind eye to anything; you’ve got too big a heart for that. You’re a modest, kind, loving Jewish woman who has raised her boys well.
Not only were you riding your bike on College Rd with your tzitzit hanging down so much that they could have gotten caught in your bike wheels, you were texting as you cycled, with your earphones in too. (Let’s not even mention the lack of a safety helmet atop your head).
Now, if you want to just tootle around your street on your bike like that – go right ahead, you won’t be in too much danger. But on a busy street like College Road, not only are you taking your own life in your hands, but the lives of others too. The two cars ahead of me had to swerve to avoid hitting you as you rode in a haphazard manner. I swerved too, and you didn’t even notice me passing you as you were too busy texting and looking like you were not in control of your bike.
I hope, dear boy, that you made it home safe and sound and didn’t cause anybody to get hurt. You are someone’s child. Your parents would be devastated to have something happen to you, God Forbid. Please be careful – life is something to be treasured, not treated in a cavalier manner.
A concerned Yiddishe Mama.
As I wrote the other day, the boys are spending some time with their dad. I miss them more than I thought possible, but I am so thankful and grateful that they have this opportunity to spend a good amount of quality time with him. Ever since he and I split we have both made it a priority to encourage the relationship between each parent and the children. There has never been any trashing of the other parent in front of the kids, nor has there ever been anything negative said or even hinted at about the new spouses and step-siblings that entered the picture.
Sure, there have been fights and arguments and lawyers – we DID get divorced after all – but we kept all of that away from the children. We may have chosen to no longer be married to each other – but that divorce does not include the children. They did not ask for this. As the primary care giver for my children, it is my responsibility and my role to encourage and foster a good relationship between my kids and their dad. I cannot force it, but thankfully he is more than willing and loves his sons unconditionally.
I guess when both parents are on the same page – putting the children’s needs first – there can be a civil relationship, an entente cordiale. It is so tragic and sad to read about and hear stories of divorces where parental alienation is happening – where one parent does all s/he can to trash the relationship of the kids with the other parent. I just wish all divorced parents (maybe even all parents) could put their kids’ needs first at all times.