Monthly Archives: July 2010

Open letter to music producers:

Please please please do not add the sound of police sirens to your singers’ musical tracks. It is truly no fun driving along keeping to the speed limit, and obeying the driving laws, and suddenly hearing sirens, feeling your heart speed up, knowing that you could not possibly be the intended target of the cops, looking in the rearview mirrors and seeing nothing, only to figure out that the sound is coming from the radio.

I truly don’t know how much more of it I can take.

Signed,

Me, with more grey hairs than I had this morning.

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Heinous or Harmless – Is there no trust anymore?

I am not naïve by any stretch of the imagination. However, reading through some posts on the forums I visit, I do wonder! So many of the women / men on there snoop on their spouses. They check their emails and their cell phones for texts without the spouse’s knowledge. Most of them have had no indication whatsoever that their spouse may be cheating and defend this practice as being able to nip a problem in the bud. Whatever happened to trust? I am not saying to have blind faith – but if your spouse has not exhibited any type of distrustful behaviour, in my opinion, it’s extremely wrong to snoop on them.

Heinous or Harmless? Tell me your thoughts.

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Quinoa Salad with Multicoloured Peppers

Ruby V left me this recipe on a comment on the blog, I adapted it a little, but here is the recipe she posted – and it was yummy and totally Gluten Free.

What you need:

2 cups quinoa, rinsed,
4 cups water
peppers (I usually do one orange, one red, one green or yellow)
one to one and a half onions, chopped fine
2 small bunches parsley, chopped
currants, about a half cup, or more to taste (I left these out)

half cup olive oil
half cup lemon juice
agave or other gluten free sweetener to taste

What to do:

Put quinoa in pot with water, cover, and boil for 5 min, turn off and leave covered for 15 minutes.

Chop peppers and onions, and parsley.

When quinoa is done (ring separated from kernel) add veggies, mix

Make dressing, add sweetener to taste, salt and pepper. Add to salad, mix well.

Add currants and mix.

Chill in fridge.

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Hadassah’s Apple / Cranberry Cobbler

I adapted this recipe from one given to me by my friend Suzannah.

What you need:

1 cup of  flour

1 cup  of oatmeal

2/3 cup of firmly packed light brown sugar

1 heaping tsp ground cinnamon

½ cup melted margarine / butter

1 large can apple pie filling

2 small cans whole berry cranberry sauce (or one large one if you can find)

(you can substitute any flavour pie filling for both canned fruits)

What to do:

Preheat oven to 350.

Melt the margarine.

Combine flour, oatmeal, sugar, margarine, cinnamon in a bowl and mix till well blended.

Open both cans, pour into greased 8 in baking dish (use a deep one).

Top fruit with oatmeal mixture making sure it covers it evenly.

Bake 45 min uncovered or until the top is well browned.

I have been told that this freezes well, but we have never had enough left over to freeze.

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WWYD – Trust

A friend of mine has a bunch of kids, ranging in ages from 10 to 16, old enough that they can be home alone by themselves for a little bit.

The parents went out, and when they returned they realized that the children had figured out Mommy’s computer password and had gone online – something that they know they are not to do without parental supervision.

The parents are obviously upset, and Dad decided that he was going to totally disconnect the internet from the house. Mom wonders if this is overkill or a suitable punishment. The kids knew the rules, and broke them and they need to be punished. Taking away the internet reduces the parents’ ability to work from home in the future and doesn’t teach the children online responsibility, IMHO.

Dad wants Mom to sit with the kids when they are online – something that busy moms cannot do. Unless she is willing to sit with them as they surf, there will be no internet in the house.

If you were these parents what would you do? Do you think Dad over reacted by cancelling the internet? What would be an appropriate punishment for the kids?

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It’s a pain in the butt!

What is?  Sciatica. I have been really suffering for the last two weeks. I didn’t lift anything or move suddenly. I woke up in pain and it hasn’t left. I went to the doctor, and he gave me some anti-inflammatory meds and some muscle relaxants. I am not sure if they are helping as the muscle relaxants put me into a fog of fatigue and sleepiness. The pain that shoots down my leg is horrible – it’s like electric shocks from my butt to my toes. Over and over and over.

Many people have suggested chiropractors and osteopaths and relexologists – but I am not even sure if I believe in them – paying out of pocket for something you aren’t convinced will help you seems an exercise in futility if you ask me.

So for the meantime I am resting up as much as I can, the KoD is spoiling me rotten and not letting me lift a finger. I had a list a mile long of things I wanted to accomplish this week with the boys not being here. I guess it will have to wait.

Sigh. Where’s my heating pad?

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Wednesday’s Wacky Signs

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Relationships

A girlfriend of mine has been looking for her beshert (true love) for a long time. Finally a few weeks ago she went on a date with a great guy, and things are going well for them. They see each other often and as time passes she seems more and more sure that he is the one.

This friend is religious, and very much believes in not touching any men that she is not married to. She is extremely attracted to her “boyfriend” and knows that he feels the same way about her. His religious background is different, he didn’t grow up religious and has had girlfriends before and been physical with them. So he knows what he is missing, and is finding it difficult to refrain from touching her. (edited to clarify – he is currently religious and intends to stay that way)

She really wants this to work, but finds the yearning for his touch is clouding her judgment and taking over the time she spends with him. She knows not to be alone with him, however she wonders how she can truly get to know him without spending time with him. But when they spend time together she is hyper aware of him, tenses up even, and knows if she didn’t stop him, they would indeed have a physical relationship. She doesn’t want to be the one that is always saying STOP, or don’t touch me – that could totally lead to resentment on his part.

This is one of the reasons that religious people get married so quick – so that these temptations are not around for long, and the physical side can be consummated according to the law of Moses. But she wants to be sure about him before jumping into marriage.

What advice could you give her to help her through this time without compromising her principles?

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Blending in….

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be you reading my blog. Do I present a well balanced picture of my life? I don’t think I do. I put my positive spin on everything – even the crappy personal times sound downright silver lining-ish.

I don’t want you all to think that blending our family has been plain sailing just because I never blog about our challenges and only seem to blog about the good times. We have charted many choppy waters and have plenty of stormy seas ahead, I’m sure. However, neither of us are planning on sending up flares anytime soon. I don’t blog about the specifics of the squalls and tempests because there are minor children involved and this is a very sensitive area. Navigating the sea of step parenthood and blended families is extremely tough and sensitive and oh-so-complicated.

I will say that having a positive attitude helps a ton, and that when there is mutual respect between kids and a parent / step-parent it helps the adjustment to go much more smoothly. I will also add that all the kids need to see that this new partnership between biological parent and step parent is a solid one, and that the couple need to present a united front. The worse thing is for a child to be able to play one parent off the other.

Blending families is certainly not for the faint of heart. There is much compromise involved – for all parties concerned, kids included. When there are other biological parents involved in the children’s upbringing it adds extra dimensions – rules in each house are bound to be different, mommy does things this way, daddy does things that way. We have house rules that apply to everyone, even if things are done differently in their other home. Sometimes these rules are tough to enforce, but we try to do so fairly.

I love the fact that my boys adore the KoD. They love and respect him and want to please him. This is a HUGE deal – so many step children resent the advent of a step parent, and feel they have to compete (sometimes negatively) in order to get attention. My boys, well, they tease us about making googly eyes at each other. It makes them so happy to see their Ima happy.

But still, they have had my undivided attention for years, and now, they have to share it. For me, I cannot unilaterally decide on a course of action in a specific circumstance (as I have been used to doing as a single mom) – I need to consider the KoD’s opinions and thoughts and feelings too. This is where communication is key. Sometimes I forget that the KoD cannot read my mind. We are soul-mates – so I occasionally assume he knows what I am thinking then get frustrated with him that he doesn’t. I’m working on it and I must say the KoD is the most patient man I have ever met.

Way back when they first met him, the boys made sure that KoD knew his place. They told him he would always be #5 on my list, that they would always come first. They said it more or less in jest, but there was a huge nugget of claim-staking there too. So long as each and every one of them feels that they are top of my list and not being neglected, I know I am doing something right.

It’s also important for the couple to make time for themselves as a married couple. When you become an instant family it is so easy for the couplehood to get lost in the shuffle of biological kids and step kids and visitation. Even if it is just a trip together without kids to the local grocery store to buy another 10 quarts of milk – alone time is a precious commodity but so important.

We are still finding our way, and I am sure it will take a while until all the big waves have settled into tiny imperceptible ripples – but we are all committed to making it work.

If any of you come from a blended family, or have one of your own – any tips you have to make this transition smoother for all concerned would be much appreciated.

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HEINOUS OR HARMLESS – HAIRCUT

I came across this scenario on a message board that I frequent and was wondering what my readers would have to say about it. Personally I think this is heinous, but I don’t know what I would do to make the mother understand how much her behaviour bothered me. What do you think?

My mother, who I have always had a difficult relationship with though it’s been at least better in recent years, came over to visit this afternoon, said she was taking my 2 year old daughter grocery shopping with her, but actually took her for a haircut.

She did not ask me today if she could. She did ask me at least a dozen times over the past few months though and each time I said emphatically NO!

I hate the haircut, but that’s the least of it. I am furious with this violation of trust. I told my mother straight out I was angry, she just grinned from ear to ear and said over and over to nobody in particular how fantastic my little girl looks now. I am so filled with rage. Yes, it’s just hair. Yes, it will grow back. I know that.

I wanted to be the one to take my precious little girl for her first haircut and now that has been stolen from me. Okay, even that is not the end of the world. We will have other firsts and special times. But the bottom line is my mother has proven herself to be someone whom I simply cannot trust at all and who simply does not give a hoot about my feelings. The smug look on her face when she walked out of here today absolutely turned my stomach. I don’t know what more to say to her, or what to do. She doesn’t care. Now here it is a couple hours before Shabbat and all I can do is sit here shaking with rage and hurt. She was planning to come over and visit tomorrow. I feel like latching the door and not letting her in.

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