Heinous or Harmless – Jewelry

This is an interesting one. I have several friends who have similar issues too. As you know I just recently moved all my stuff down to NY. I was happy to get reacquainted with many things, including my jewelry that I had packed away. I don’t have a lot, but have some favourite pieces.

After a day or two I realized that the earrings I was wearing had been a gift from my ex husband, years ago, on a birthday or an anniversary. Now, they have absolutely no emotional attachment to me whatsoever. They are just a pair of earrings. They certainly have no sentimental value. But I cannot help but wonder if it’s not fair to the KoD that I am wearing something that another man gave me.

Is it heinous or harmless to wear jewelry (I really want to spell it jewellery, the way I was taught. Sigh) given to you by a previous partner? What about if we extend this to a favourite leather jacket, or even a vehicle? Should an ex partner still wear a watch that he was given? Cufflinks? Tallit?

As usual, I am interested in your thoughts….


12 responses to “Heinous or Harmless – Jewelry

  1. I suggest you talk to the KoD about it, see how he feels, and wear (or don’t wear) the jewelry accordingly. I suspect the man is secure enough in your relationship not to be threatened by an inanimate object that bears no “sentimental” value to you, but if he is not, I’d respect that and put his feelings over ANY value the jewelry has to you. Perhaps, if he dislikes the idea, you two could sell the earrings and he could use the proceeds to pick you out a new pair?

  2. I had a long convo about this recently. In the end she spoke about it with her current partner who decided that until they could afford to replace the watch (her item of debate), she would continue to wear it as it was just a nice watch and no longer held any emotional response (good or bad).
    I think it is a super personal decision amongst the current couple.
    I have some jewelry from exs which I mostly don’t wear b/c I think it carries some of the ju-ju still and I don’t wanna mess with it.

  3. When trying to answer that question – i try to reverse it – how would I feel if my husband wore a watch that an ex-girlfriend had given him. I guess it all kind of depends. If the watch was engraved with some message, i probably would have a problem with it. I think the same goes with anything from the ex – does the item has some message on it, like an engraving? What is the value of the item? Could it be easily replaced? Or if it can’t, would the fact that it is so expensive also cause some kind of pain to the partner who can’t afford to buy something like it. I think this varies and would have to be discussed with your significant other. It may not even bother him at all, in fact he may not notice anything except “shiney things hanging from wife’s ears make her look pretty”. (which is what my husband would think)

  4. I think it goes too far to ask of a spouse to stop wearing things given by a previous partner.

    It seems so inquisitorial…

    Don’t go there…

  5. Agreed, Holly. I have one piece of jewellery from an ex. It was a birthday present from my first ever boyfriend in 6th grade. A mostly thinks it’s funny that I still have them since I’m notorious for losing earrings regularly. If he were bothered by them I’d have tossed them years ago, though. The attachment to them is less about who they’re from and more about when they’re from. As in- yes I remember his name but my adult self isn’t the least bit interested. Odds are good that I’d feel much the same about things like that of A’s.

    The only thing I can picture feeling differently about is a tallit. A didn’t have his own until after we were married and I have just as much, if not more, emotional attachment to it than he does. Then I’d see if he wanted to go shopping for a new one and see how he felt about not using the old one regularly.

    • It’s interesting that you should mention the tallis. Although I did purchase two new talleisim for my hubby, he has a beautiful Atarah that he received from his Ex’s grandmother. I told him to keep it and wear it.
      He still has and occasionally wears cufflinks from an ex girlfired- they are nice. These things are things. He hardly gives them a moment’s thought, but I know I am on his mind often.

  6. The jewelry is just a piece of metal(precious)/gem/etc. The sentiment is what makes it more than just a piece of jewelry. So, as you say:

    Now, they have absolutely no emotional attachment to me whatsoever. They are just a pair of earrings. They certainly have no sentimental value.

    Those earrings are now just a piece of jewelry that you use to decorate/accessorize your body/clothes.

  7. i think as long that if you like the jewelry & the KoD doesn’t have any issues with you wearing it, then you may as well enjoy it & just look at it as though you are saving the KoD money b/c now you don’t want/need him to buy that particular type of earring…

  8. lady lock and load

    Just give it to me! 😉

  9. I agree with everyone who has commented – ask the Kod. A man who is secure in his relationship won’t be bothered since he will trust that they have no emotional pull for you.

  10. If you want to continue wearing the jewelry (I also want to spell it the other way, too) then you should ask the KoD. With me it was a no brainer, I have no problem putting away anything I got from the X, my kids can have it when the time comes.

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