A twitter buddy of mine tweeted this today, and I figured that there are plenty of you in my diverse readership that could help her out.
Somebody who has kids, is divorced, and their ex is in a r’ship help me figure out how to deal with my kid already loving someone else.
What I told this friend was to be happy that the child has another person in her life to show her love and affection. That just because this beautiful little girl loves a new person, does not mean in any way, shape or form, that her love for either parent is diminished.
My kids have two parents, me and their dad. We are both remarried – they now have a step-father and a step-mother. And additional aunts and uncles and grandparents. So many more people to love them and care about them. How can that be a bad thing?
When your ex moves on before you do it is very hard. It hurts. It burns. Especially if maybe you are not ready for it and have still not dealt with the fall out from the separation. Add children into the mix and there are a lot of worries and thoughts. Will the new partner be good to my children? Will they be supportive of my relationship with my kids? These are good questions to ask, and time will tell.
The one thing I must stress, to my friend, and to all parents – the children’s needs always must come first. You have to prioritize them. It is the only way for the children to grow up without extra trauma from the divorce – if both parents put the kids first, and are on the same page when it comes to raising the children they had together. Do not EVER use the children to fight your battles with your ex for you. Do not EVER use the children as pawns to get back at your ex or punish him / her in some way. This will only end up hurting the children more than anyone else.
If you love your child, dear twitter buddy, as I know you do, you will be happy for her that she has so many people to love. When she chatters on about the new partner, just listen. It will hurt at first, but the new partner is a fact of life that you have to accept. For your own sake as well as your child’s.
If any of my readers have some more words of advice, please weigh in.