Daily Archives: November 11, 2010

Message from the Laundry Drudge

Dear Young Inhabitants of My House

I will be going on strike for the foreseeable future unless you agree to the following terms. (Alternatively, I could just start shrinking stuff and washing your whites with my reds – Pink is the new black after all. <Insert evil laugh here>)

  1. Pockets must be emptied – any money I find will be MINE.
  2. Socks must be turned the right way – any unwashed socks I find still scrunched into a ball will be stuffed under your pillowcases.
  3. Shirt sleeves must be unrolled or they will be snipped off.
  4. Any stains that need seeing to must be pointed out before washing. Any complaints filed afterward will get the stain treated with straight bleach instead of SHOUT.
  5. If you need your shirt / trousers freshly washed, dried and pressed at a time when the drudge is not working, you know where the machine is, take care of it yourself.
  6. 5 minutes before your bus is due to show up is not the time to realize you have no trousers to wear because they are all in the laundry hamper / on the floor / crumpled up in a corner never to be found again. If this is the case – do not blame the laundry drudge.
  7. If buttons have fallen off it is your responsibility to hold on to them and sew them back on. If you bring me bribes like coffee and / or chocolate I may do it for you.
  8. Wet towels will not be picked up, nor will errant stinky socks or underwear kicked under the bed.
  9. You need something washed, put it IN the hamper.

Signed

The woman who puts the freshness back in your clothes.

Happy Meet-a-versary!!

Today, well, this evening actually, marks two years since I first set eyes on my KoD. Two years since my world changed so completely. Two years since I realized that I could indeed have a real chance at happily ever after.

On our Wedding Day

I share with you, again, the story of How the King of Diamonds won the Queen of Hearts.

Way back in the mists of time, QoH was clicking through the Frumster profiles looking to find a King, one who would treat her right and be a good role model for her little princes. She also needed to find someone who would be able to put up with her shoe obsession and be prepared to build her a closet like Big built for Carrie in the SATC movie (one moment……drooooool…….and those Manohlo Blahniks were to die for!!)

QoH’s close advisor Z had drilled it into her head that approaching possible Kings herself was too forward and totally out of the question for someone of her status in life. So she did the next best thing. When she liked a potential suitor she clicked on his profile. He would be able to see she clicked and saw, and if interested he would write her.

So for days no one really grabbed QoH’s fancy. After a while all the guys looked the same, they all said the same thing. She grew demoralized and sad. Where was her knight in shining armour? She was this close to giving up on her quest for true love.

One day, a profile grabbed her attention. Firstly, the picture of said knight was very pleasing to the eye (understatement of the century, but I am trying to tell a story here without being too gushy). Pleasing enough that QoH actually clicked to see the profile.

What she read there pleased her – sincere, honest, etc. but toward the end of the profile he had written something that opened a tiny little window in her heart. He wrote that he would accept a future spouse’s kids as his own. QoH had written something very very similar in her own profile. So it was music to her ears.

But with Z’s message ringing in her ears, she had to sit on her hands and wait for the King to contact her. So she impishly kept clicking on his profile, to keep her profile high up on his list of who looked at his, so he would see hers first every time he logged in.

Eventually, once QoH had decided to indefinitely suspend her membership, but before actually implementing her decision KoD emailed her, asking if she wished to correspond. She pumped her manicured hand in the air and smoothly answered back – sure! But she gave him her private email address, as she knew she was suspending her membership.

Later that day her InBox reflected a message from a certain King. He said that he had noticed that she had suspended her profile, did she still wish to correspond. She had a feeling he was worried that she met someone else, but she replied she was just sick and tired of the meat market, and wanted a break from being on Frumster.

That night the emails went flying back and forth, confidences being shared, a basis for a relationship was being formed. KoD finally took a risk and shared that he had owned a Harley and was a Harley fanatic. Most Frumster girls would have run the other way. Not this Queen. No way. You know that famous line “you had me at hello”? KoD and QoH’s line is “you had me at Harley”. He sent her a picture of his Harley and she drooled right back…..OMG YOU HAVE A HARLEY?? QoH had the biggest dream for a long long time to ride a Harley, and here was a religious guy who actually knew how to handle one. It showed he had a little bit of a wild side – QoH has one too. (Less said about it the better, one would think at this point.)

For the next few days the emails flew fast and furious, and she finally trusted him enough with her phone number. QoH felt her heart beating so fast when she heard his voice on the phone. Such a handsome voice, so smooth and endearing. The conversations that they had from that point on lasted for 5 hours or more. There was no need to sleep – they were just busy getting acquainted and sharing stories, making each other laugh. The time flew by.

They decided that as lovely as the emails and the phonecalls were, they wanted to meet in person. KoD was more than willing to drive up to meet her in her hometown, but QoH was worried that he would drive all that way and it wouldn’t be as great as they expected. So they finally agreed to meet halfway between their two homes. So they both got into their steel chariots and drove to Lake George.

QoH parked her car first outside the Inn where they were meeting for dinner and conversation. She had to wait a long 10 minutes until KoD showed up on his noble steed. It gave her time to change out of her flat shoes into killer pumps. (people, it IS all about the shoes).

He pulled up beside her, and they both emerged from their vehicles into the frigid subzero air. G-d chose that moment to smite them with ridiculously huge grins, and zapped them both with love and warm fuzzies right in the heart. QoH knew at that moment that KoD was the one for her, but she didn’t share that with him until a week or two later. Z always says you got to play hard to get. It’s the only way that works. Z has now been elevated to Prime Ministerial status in the court of the Queen of Hearts.

KoD on the other hand also knew from that moment that she was the one for him, but was not as shy about sharing these feelings with her. He understood her reticence and her need for time, and was respectful about allowing her her space.

They decided to get out of the cold, and they went inside the Inn and sat in front of the fire to warm up and get better acquainted. KoD brought dinner with him – sushi, one of her favourite dishes. He also surprised her with a box of the most delicious chocolates and a handwritten card. Nobody writes handwritten cards anymore. His thoughtfulness touched her. They ate and they talked and the time passed so quickly. After a while they decided to go for a walk. They walked and talked for a while, each falling deeper and deeper in love with the other.

Soon it was 10pm and time for them to return to their respective homes. Parting that night was really such sweet sorrow – knowing they had found their soulmate, but having to leave at the same time.

Within days plans were made for them to see each other again, and since then they have been together as much as time and distance and court business allows.

They have both spent time in each others courts getting to know the way the other rules, the way their subjects feel about them and treat them. They had their advisers talk to each other and share information, to ensure that they really had common interests at heart.

After a decent interval of time, KoD decided that he needed to let QoH know that his intention was to marry her. He understood the importance of the little princes in QoHs life and decided to enlist their help in winning her hand in marriage.

Unbeknownst to their mother the Queen, KoD consulted with the princes on this matter. He sought their consent and their permission to ask their mother to join with him in holy matrimony. Apparently they were of the impression that KoD chose to joke with them, but then he showed them the fine piece of jewellery that he intended to present to her as a token of his love and affection. The princes were overcome with emotion and heartily pumped the air in the age old sign of acceptance.

That night at dinner in the Great Hall of QoH’s palace, the scene was set. QoH was sat in her throne at the head of the table, the princes sitting to both sides. Within a flash KoD was next to his Queen on bended knee, spouting words of deep and abiding love. KoD asked the Queen if she would be his forevermore, renouncing all others. The queen nodded her consent, and all the court broke out into loud hurrahs and cheers.

The King and Queen have set a wedding date, and their courts are busy with plans for a wedding that celebrates their true love, and the awe they feel at the blessing of finding each other.

Originally blogged December 10th 2008