Modesty – for the entire family?

From the mailbox:

Dear HSM

I was at a Canadian indoor water park and saw a number of frum families where dads and sons were shirtless and in shorts frolicking while mom and daughters were in long sleeves, ankle length skirts, etc roasting and just wading their feet with shoes on.  Shouldn’t modesty be for the entire family?  The one family where the girls got wet, they were toddlers and fully dressed down to thick tights.

A Reader

I fully agree with you that modesty should apply to everyone in the family. This scenario is one I have come across myself a few times too. I cannot adequately explain what appears to be a double standard here – perhaps one of my learned readers can.

The Gift of Light

Yesterday we lit five candles to celebrate the fifth night of Chanukah. At our house we had an interesting assortment of people. See, the boys’ Abba was in town to visit them, with his family, and they hung out with us for a bit in the afternoon, the kids watching a movie and the grown ups chatting. After all the male folk had come back from mincha and maariv we all lit candles together. Myself and the KoD, my ex and his wife, her kids, my/our kids and the KoD’s kids. All together under one roof, with no drama.

A few years ago I would have sworn that there was no way such a thing could happen. I could not see a time where we could all get along without past history intruding. But we have all moved on, we all have put the children’s needs way ahead of our own. It’s what mature parents do. Stirring up old wounds helps no one. Was it weird? Sure it was – but the kids were happy – and that is all I want for them.

Imagine – years ago the kids would never have thought that they would be able to light Chanukah candles again with both their parents present. Last night this was our gift to them – and I am sure it is something that they will remember.

I am glad that my children don’t have to have the stress of worrying what’s going to happen when they have both parents in the same place at the same time – that they have peace of mind knowing there will be no fighting or drama or snide comments. My ex and I have both worked very hard to be able to provide this kind of atmosphere for the children. But it takes commitment and hard work from both parents (and new spouses too).

More than anything, tolerance of and civility toward the other parent is the best gift a divorced parent can give their child.

Never Shop When Rushed

The KoD and I had errands to run yesterday and as we got closer to our first place of business I glanced through my wallet to realize that I couldn’t find my credit card. I panicked. OMGosh what did I do with it?

I am organized. Very organized. It is extremely unlike me not to put my card back in my wallet after having used it. I methodically went through my handbag (purse or pocket book as some call it) and didn’t find it.

Where did I last use it? (I already had visions of cancelling the card but finding out that there had been thousands of dollars charged on it and the company refusing to reimburse…)

Then I remembered. I had run out to ShopRite on Friday – I had dropped the boys off at the library, ran to the store, and run back to get them, while rushing to get everything ready so we could light Chanukah candles in plenty of time before Shabbat. My head was in fifty five different places when I paid for my groceries, and I could not remember where I put my card.

I had been wearing a hoodie that day – perhaps, I told the KoD, just perhaps I put the card in the pocket. Then I started thinking – did I put the hoodie in the wash? Could my card have fallen out while I was putting the groceries in the car? And then the whole overthinking process started again.

We got home, I ran upstairs to my wardrobe, checked the pockets of my favourite pink hoodie, and there it was. My credit card. Unused. Alone. SAFE!! What a relief!

You can bet I will definitely be hyper-vigilant now every time I use my card! Even when I am rushing…