Do you Smother?

One of my teens is sick. He has a nasty cold and a stomach virus and is just plain miserable. He joined us at the Shabbat table and looked so sick and pathetic that it broke my heart.

He told me that I was hovering too much and I should just let him be. He’s my child and he is sick, therefore, I want to take care of him and fuss over him a little. He doesn’t want that. He wants to be left alone to wallow in his own misery.

I am leaving him to do that but I have to restrain myself from smothering. It’s hard. I want to make it all better for him. When I am sick, I need TLC but apparently not everyone does.

What’s your modus operandi when the kids are sick?


7 responses to “Do you Smother?

  1. lady lock and load

    I have fond memories of being sick and loving it when my mother took special care of me. I guess when you are kid #5 in a family with six kids you treasure some attention from mama!
    By the way, I think you are an awesome mother. Bli ayin horah, your boys have adjusted nicely and always seem happy when I see them. They seem to be doing just fine with your “smothering”. Keep it up!

  2. Sounds just like your twin. I remember the days when we were first married and he was staying with us. You can make ’em soup, but just put it down on a tray nearby and quickly walk out of the room…

  3. Reality is- if you didn’t TRY to smother, and he didn’t try to get you to back off- he’d feel “unloved”. I am also the kind of sickie that wants sympathy from afar.

  4. Yeah I agree, that you should try to show your care (& make him feel loved) but respect his wishes if he wants you to back off!

  5. As you know, we spend a lot of time dealing with Pixie related illness. I let her decide how much hands on care she wants. Some times, it is a great deal. Sometimes, she just wants to be left the hell alone, especially after a hospital stay.

  6. I think DH had this same reaction when he was sick – asking people to leave him alone, and generally being a little surly. The problem? When we got married, I realized that this also meant that no one taught him how to make yourself feel a little better when sick (i.e. drink fluids, make sure you eat, make sure you shower at some point, take your temperature, etc, etc, etc) So it’s been a problem to teach him those kinds of things – and to ask him to do some of those things when I’m sick. I know it’s not about him “being a boy” – it’s that he didn’t get that kind of care when he was old enough to remember it since he rebuked hovering.

    So, the point? Moderate, but don’t go from smother to nothing…

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