Daily Archives: June 21, 2011

What defines picky?

I love when my readers send me questions – I am going to answer this one briefly, and then turn it over to you, my loyal and knowledgeable blog readers.


I stumbled upon your blog and had a question for the Royal Highness QoH. How many [shidduch] dates is it normal for a guy to go on? I’m trying to determine at what point does one get the title ‘picky’.

Your humble servant,


Well Y, you give me no indication of your age, but I am going to assume you are a young man at that time in his life when school is over, and it’s time to settle down and get married, have kids, take on a mortgage and pay tuition. (Run while you can – j/k).

You are looking for a woman who will share the rest of your life with you – 50 plus years. Pickiness, I would think, needs to be present in some form or another, otherwise you’d marry the first girl that came along, whether or not she’s right for you.

Now, if the reason you are rejecting certain girls is a petty one (she’s not a size 4 or her eyes are the wrong colour), then yes, you may label yourself as “picky” but if you are dating, going out, but the magic isn’t happening yet – don’t despair. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right one. (A friend of mine dated 57 men. She married the 58th – does that make her picky?)

I will tell you this – dating is frustrating for sure, and add in the societal pressure in our communities to be married – oy – but you have to do things at your own pace so you get it right.

Look, Y, I finally found my KoD – and he was worth all the stress and the dating horror stories and the angst and the whole ball of wax. Hang in there, stay focused and good luck.

So readers, can you weigh in? What would you like to tell Y?