‘Roid Rage

The Doc has put me on prednisone (steroids) before the surgery. He mentioned side effects of moodiness and did say that they could make me psychotic.

My emotions feel like a metronome. One minute I am fine the next I am a big weepy mess, the kids ask me one question and I blow up – and it’s almost like I can see it happening but there is NOTHING I can do to stop myself.

It’s bad enough that I am in pain and cranky from that – regularly cranky Ima they can deal with. But this wild woman? I don’t want to be that person. I know it’s the medication, and I know I need to explain that to the boys. But that’s almost as if I am allowing myself to go off my head because, well, I can’t control it.

Bleargh – I think I am just going to hide away till I am on a lower dose.

2 responses to “‘Roid Rage

  1. As someone with a mood disorder can I recommend that you keep a mood diary (and a pain diary). This will help you to get a perspective. Also in the interim switch to decaffeinated coffee – not ideal but it will help with mood (I limit myself to one caffeinated coffee a day when I am have unstable moods). As this is drug related hopefully it will stop once you are off them. In the meantime Hatzlachah and Guet Shabbes!

  2. It’s really hard being in pain all the time. It wreaks havoc on your mood, your mind and your overall well-being. I’ve been doing it for 5 years now and I know people have been doing it for 20.

    One of the things that helps me is when I start to wig out is taking a deep breath and asking myself, is this pain talking? Does my reaction match the situation or is it over the top? If it’s the latter, it’s NOT you, it’s the pain talking and just acknowledge that: “Pain, pain, CALM THE HECK DOWN!” can help.

    I find that others can defuse things the same way. Make KOD & the boys ask the same, “Is this the pain talking or Hadassah/Ima talking?” (Trust me. Right away, you take it down a notch) Sit them down and graphically, but not scarily, help them understand how you feel and use metaphors so they can 1) get where you’re coming from as much as they can without G-d forbid experiencing it themselves but 2) help you come up with ways to cope.

    Caffeine and pain don’t mix. Caffeine does something to your pain centers that makes it worst. But I know you won’t give it up so I won’t bother. It just makes me hyper and I forget my limitations but even when I don’t, my pain level eventually rises to meet the caffeine. This is documented, not anecdotal.

    I’ve taken so many medications that have done to me exactly what you describe. Like the pain taking over, THIS REALLY, REALLY ISN’T YOU. Also, get the boys and KOD to help you track your mood when you’re taking this type of medication because things can get VERY quickly out of hand with mood side effects. Sometimes, you can’t really tell what’s going on with these meds in your system so it helps to have another POV to watch out for you and make sure, if things go crazy, you get off of it and onto something better. Because if things get out of hand, it’s, well, kinda like being possessed at it’s worse. No lie. You don’t want to channel Linda Blair from Exorcist. I have once or twice on bad meds.

    I’ve been meaning to keep a pain/mood diary like Sophia–here comes a new year’s resolution!–suggests for years. I do one mentally and I try to figure out why I feel bad when I do–usually, I’m in pain or I’ve overdone it and done too many things I shouldn’t have so I’m exhausted or in pain or both. I’d honestly like to keep in my little diary a running list of the things I did before and after these “ebola” pain moments so I can see what I did to help them again.

    I’m sure you’ve seen the modified pain chart but I’ll repost so all the spoonies and non-spoonies can see it. They should hand THIS out at the doctor’s office.

    Hang in there. Hopefully, this will ALL be over soon. 🙂 And you’ll be back to being Super Hadassah (or really SUPER SUPER SUPER Hadassah!). If you can try, enjoy being FORCED to take a step back. For overachievers, doers and writers like us, sometimes it’s the only way.

    And in case, you missed the Spoonie reference, a great way to explain living with chronic pain is the spoon theory. I hope your situation is temporary but in the meantime, you’re one of us TEMPORARILY. Try not to run out of spoons today. http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

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