Daily Archives: October 11, 2011

Update from Roni

Remember our recent Heinous or Harmless post? Roni sent me an update:

I decided not to see him again, but the hair covering issue was not the deciding factor. It was definitely an indicator that we were not on the same page hashkafically.

This man was nice, he would have been a great role model for my children in tefillah, kovea itim, and ahavat Eretz Yisrael. However, we did have some fundamental hashkafic differences, and I felt he was not ready to sacrifice some of his idealism and personal comfort to help raise my children (and future children!) in an environment in which I would be comfortable.

The responses to the post were enlightening and there are many points that I disagree with, but I am not going to answer them point by point. I would like to say that when you are a widow, there is a very fundamental difference than a divorcee. In my case, my past relationship didn’t dissolve, fall apart, or end acrimoniously. It ended with love and sacrifice, and a commitment to keep my husband’s memory alive for my children. I am completely dedicated to honoring him and the years and gifts he gave me. Covering my hair falls into that as it honors the fact that I had a wonderful marriage, have wonderful children, and have a different halachik standing than other single women.

BUT I am in NO WAY holding on to him as a person or as a husband. I am ready for a NEW relationship.