Daily Archives: December 13, 2011

Moving On

It’s always hard when other people move on with their life, and leave you in the dust. Sometimes it’s friends getting married first, having babies first, graduating first. Other times it’s a lot more painful – an ex spouse moving ahead with their life and settling down anew with someone else.

I remember the day clearly when I got the call that my ex was moving on. It was a while after our Get (a year probably), but extremely soon after our civil divorce was granted. Like, within hours.

We had both had time to grieve our marriage and I knew he was dating again – the kids kept no secrets no matter how much they were told to stay quiet. I had started to date, but I wasn’t fully invested in it. I just wasn’t ready.

He gave me the courtesy of calling me first to let me know that he would be telling the kids that night – he had them for dinnertime – that he was engaged and would be getting married. I wanted to wish him mazel tov, but the words stuck in my throat. I had an hour or two until he was going to pick the kids up from my apartment and I couldn’t say a word to them. I also couldn’t fall apart in front of them either.

The minute they left, I called up a friend to vent. I was in tears. It wasn’t about me still wanting to be with him – that ship had totally sailed. It was about the fact that how could he be ready to move on with his life, when I was still alone and, truthfully, still grieving for our 12-year marriage. And it was too soon. And who is she, will she be nice to my boys? Yes, there was also “what does she have that I didn’t?” – but even as I was thinking that, I knew it was irrational.

I am glad I heard the news from him, and not from the boys. He did the right thing by calling me first. When the KoD  and I got engaged, I did the same thing. It’s common courtesy and it should not be discounted.

The day they got married was a tough one. The boys were not at their wedding as it happened abroad. But they talked about it. It hurt. I hadn’t yet met my Mr Right and here he is all happily married and posting wedding pics on Facebook.

Looking back I wish I hadn’t wasted all those tears. Look who I found! I met my KoD a few months later and my life has been sunshine and roses ever since (well, apart from the immigration saga). But when you are not the first to move on it really does hurt. It isn’t necessarily logical, it’s visceral, it’s painful,  but it does pass.

Carded…for medicine!

My little ChatterBox has a cold, his poor little nose is all red and sore, and he keeps sneezing. We ran out of cold medicine – I had brought it with me from Canada where the selection of OTC meds is far superior to the selection here.

Firstly I couldn’t find any chewables for my 9 year old. Seriously – do they expect them to have liquid meds until they are 12? That’s ridiculous. I need to plan a trip to Montreal just to load up on Children’s Advil Cold and the adult version too.

I got to the cash register to pay, and they ask me my birth date? What? “We need to ensure you are over 18 according to FDA regulations”. LOOK AT ME, do I look like I’m under 18 looking to drink baby tylenol in order to what, get high?

Shaking my head.

Bye Bye Coffee

In an effort to combat this pesky RLS that I have, I have been cutting down on caffeine. I am down to one cherished cup of the heavenly brew at 6 am. That is it for now, and next week I cut that out.

I am cranky. I want the decaffeination to be working immediately. I want to see  an improvement, but it is early days yet. I need to be patient. Yet, I am not sleeping, I have all but cut out my favourite beverage, and I WANT RESULTS NOW!!

I have been hearing suggestions for acupuncture and acupressure and yoga and meditation. I am reading everything I can on RLS (in my oh-so-abundant (NOT) free time – and I am concerned that all the dietary changes I might make will have had no effect other than to give me CBS. (Chronic B*tch Syndrome).

By 7 pm I am dying to crawl into bed. I am yawning up a storm. I am only 38 and I am falling apart!! I took a sleeping pill the other night to help break the cycle but I didn’t like how I felt the next day so I won’t be repeating that.

This RLS is an annoyance and an aggravation that I could deal with so long as it didn’t affect my sleep. But it does. And that leads to the CBS….although I am really trying hard not to be kvetchy. (The whining about how I neeeeeeed cofffeeee noooooow doesn’t count, KoD, ok?? I am mourning the loss of a dear companion)

With sleep, I can do anything. Without it, I feel like a used dish-rag. Before anyone suggests melatonin, I have no problem falling asleep. It’s stopping the legs from moving in my sleep, or jerking, that I need to do. Those movements are so sudden they wake me up over and over again.

I have a family member that also suffers from RLS / WED and he has been a tremendous help. At least I know I am not alone. I also wonder whether the surgery I had recently has anything to do with this…

Anyhow, I just threw supper into the crockpot (Meat Chili) and must eat some lunch and get back to work. Send some sleep vibes this way, ok? and have a coffee (or seven) for me.