(from a blog I read religiously – The Psycho Ex-Wife)
Adding in a note here, left in the comments by the author of the original post – he makes an excellent point. I did post it out of context.
As the author of that blog post, it’s presentation here is out of context. It was written as a direct reply to a post by a biological mother that was equally as ludicrous and was intended as such.
I believe it’s important to make that clarification. It was designed to be deliberately snarky to all of those entitled biological mothers who believe that the world revolves around them and everything that a biological father does (with or without a step-mother in the picture) – requires checking with her first.
The opening of the blog post in which that list exists explains precisely why it was written.
15. I’m happy to love your child.
As a stepmother I love your child as if they are my own. When they are in my home, I will do all the normal things a mother would do for them; like cook them meals, teach them how to ride a bike, take them to their sporting activities, and so much more. This is normal and your child should not be punished for enjoying time with me. It doesn’t mean they love you less. Really. Not everything is about you because they “came from your body” – no matter how much you’ve been trained like a circus monkey to believe so.
14. I’m not trying to be their mother.
While I play the mother role in my home, I’m not trying to replace you, even if your child prefers to refer to me with the term “Mom.” I have my own children that I adore. I didn’t form a relationship with your ex-husband to steal your children from you. If I want more children, I’m perfectly capable of becoming pregnant.
13. We can’t save all the fun for you.
While it’s nice to do new things with your child, we can’t save all the fun for you. Your child will experience new things and cross new milestones with us. If there is something important you want to do with your child, do it! I am not a mind reader, I don’t know if you want to be the one to give your daughter her first pedicure and I’m certainly not going to call you every time I want to do something with the family. It’s unreasonable for you to expect that. Remember, the experiences are for your child first and foremost, it’s not all about you.
12. My house my rules.
While it’s great to be on the same page as far as corporal punishment, I set the rules in my house. Every child that spends time under my roof will follow my rules whether it’s your child or a friend. It’s important we teach our children to respect the rules of the homes they visit, my home is no different.
11. Don’t tell kids my rules don’t count.
If you are upset about some punishment that was handed down in our home, telling your child that the rule is stupid, or worse – allowing them to then do whatever we said they couldn’t so you can be the cool parent – not only undermines my authority, it pits the child against both of us. Don’t be surprised when they start trying the same thing when they are mad at you in the future if you do this.
10. Don’t badmouth me and then expect respect.
Speaking poorly about me to the children and then expecting me to treat you with respect is simply not going to happen. I don’t make fun of you to your children. Neither does anyone else in our household. The Golden Rule still stands – treat others the way you would like to be treated. If you treat me poorly, don’t expect the red carpet treatment from me.
9. Invitations to family events.
While I wish we could all celebrate events together, the fact is you are not part of our family and when you treat me with disrespect including screaming at me in front of the children, speaking poorly of their father in front of the children, and other such uncooperative endeavors, you will not be invited to attend our family events.
8. Please don’t spoil the kids.
Buying the kids everything they ask for so you can tell them how cheap I am only does a disservice to the children. They come to expect everything they ask for, which only causes you financial problems, and children with no concept of what it takes to actually earn things. Don’t forget, most of those gifts are paid for with your child support that comes from our home and our hard work. You get paid well. He gets paid better. We have 50/50. What we send isn’t really child support, it’s free money for you to do with what you please. And if you’re one of those moms who doesn’t work – get a job and start contributing more financially to your children’s upbringing.
7. Stop reminding your ex of all the times you made love when you want something.
It’s amusing to watch you say how happy you are to have finally gotten divorced and then see you send emails reminding your ex about all the times you made love under the Christmas tree when you want something from us. Believe it or not, he’s moved on, he isn’t still in love with you, and he’s not coming back, whether I’m still in the picture or not.
6. Stop acting like the victim.
Your ex didn’t leave you for me, you left him. It’s time to stop telling the stories about how awful he was and how much happier you are now, all while blaming me/us for everything that is wrong in your life.
5. You can have mother’s day, but don’t cancel.
I have no problem with you wanting to spend Mother’s Day with your children, but please remember two things. First, Fathers Day is reserved for my husband. He is, after all, their Father. Second, if you suddenly have something better to do on Mother’s Day, don’t think you can just drop the kids in my lap to take care of so you can go to the beach with your latest boyfriend.
4. Your financial failures are not my emergencies.
We pay child support, we also pay for 100% of the children’s expenses in our home, without help from you, even though we have 50/50 child custody. Don’t call us to pay for something because you’ve mismanaged your money by shopping too much and neglecting things like your mortgage and car payment. Yes, the kids need a roof over their head. You should think about that the next time you’re at the mall shopping for goodies for yourself.
3. Please teach your kids to knock.
If Little Johnny saw me in my undies, it’s not because I was “prancing around” in them in the living room. Chances are he decided to barge into our bedroom instead of knocking. This is likely because you’re still “co-sleeping” with him. He’s 14-years old, not 3. Such emotional incest is going to ruin all of his future relationships and it’s extremely creepy. You might want to find a warm body to sleep with at the local bar.
2. I can discuss my children and how great they are.
I know you think your kids are great, and so do I, but that doesn’t mean I can’t discuss my children and their accomplishments. If this makes you feel inferior about your children, I highly suggest therapy.
1. There’s no need to ignore me.
I don’t need to be friends with you, but we are all adults. I get along with my ex-husband just fine. He’s even invited to family events like the Superbowl party we had. He treats me with respect. He puts the kids first. He doesn’t make your ex feel like they are in a competition to win the kids’ love. If you do the same, I guarantee this relationship will go a lot easier, faster, and better for the children.