Tag Archives: beshert

Motzei Shabbat Musings

Shabbat gives us a wonderful opportunity for reflection. Add to that the fact that we are in the month of Elul, introspection is the way to go.

 

I make no secret of the fact that I would love to find a soulmate. I don’t believe I was destined to spend the rest of my life without a partner. When I am in Israel I will be praying at Amukah, traditionally a place that brings the segulah of finding ones beshert within 12 months. I am eternally optimistic.

 

I have had some very “interesting” dating experiences in the years since my divorce. Those of you who are regular readers will know that lately they have been doozies! Yet even with all the heartache, pain and aggravation I remain hopeful.

 

See, I have something that many people don’t have. I have faith. I have faith that my life will continue to improve the way it has done in the last few years. I have faith that G-d has His plan for me, and whatever He throws my way is in my best interest. These guys that I have dated that haven’t worked out, well, they bring me one closer to the right one. It is very tempting to sit back and say that “men suck” and that it’s just not worth the time and effort. I think at one point in the not too distant past I even said that I was going to become a lesbian, because I understand women better than men. (Don’t worry guys, that was just bluster to cover up a wounded heart.)

 

I feel complete within myself. I mean, there is always work to do to improve oneself, but I don’t feel a big gaping hole in my life. Now, Saturday night, September 6 2008, my life is great. I am happy. I have the four most wonderful children in the world, they are healthy and happy and well adjusted, and remind me daily of the wonder of the world and of the goodness of G-d. Being their mom has defined me in so many ways, however I have learned that I am more than just a mother. I am a woman, I am a daughter, sister and friend. I am surrounded by a community who show me an abundance of love, who accept me for who I am and encourage me on my way to make my mark in this world. I have friends of the heart whose love, honour, and respect I cherish and will carry in my heart forever. I do not need a man to complete me. I do not need a man to make me happy. I can do that myself. I find personal joy and happiness in so many things. I have learned that looking to someone else to validate my emotions, or even create such emotions, can only lead to disappointment.

 

As a woman I have a lot to give. My heart overflows with love. I love my kids, my family, my friends, my community, my life. I have come too far, grown too much personally, to hang it all on the thread of whether I have a man or not. I don’t need a life partner. I want one. And there is a huge difference. Having a man in my life as a husband is the icing on the cake. But the cake is delicious enough without it. However looking for the right flavour icing can be fun, so long as it has the right ingredients.

 

To those who say I am bitter – I am not. I will not be beaten by bad experiences. I will learn from them, I will take those life lessons and build on them to become a better person. And I will overcome all the negativity.

 

Don’t you know? I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!

 

Shavuah Tov Y’all!!

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Friday Night Lights

 She strikes the match,

Her concentration as intense as the flame.

As the candle wicks flare

Her heart fills with joy.

She glances at the candles

Mini fires flickering together

She feels her soul overflow

Due to the happiness within.

She draws the flames

Closer to her, with both hands,

In the way of the age old tradition.

She covers her eyes and

She begins to pray;

For the safety of her children,

For their continued success in life,

For the health of the extended family,

And for her people at large.

She includes a special prayer

For the aged and the sick

And at this most holy of times

She whispers her most fervent wish.

That in the fullness of time

When the good Lord decides it’s right

That He will send her the person

To sing Eishet Chayil Friday nights.

A partner, a lover, a beloved best friend,

Someone to help her, nurture her,

Respect her and cherish her

A true soulmate, her real bashert.

She sets no physical parameters

In this, her heartfelt prayer,

She wishes only for peace and shalom,

She hopes He will help her get there.

One day she knows

She will light the same candles and

Pray the identical prayer

Then she will open her eyes

To find him standing right there.

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