One of the up-sides of being a single mom was the lack of having to account to anyone for anything. Well, yes, I do have kids, but they were not going to criticize how I spent my time or my money so long as they had everything they needed.
I knew what my budget was for everything, I knew my bank balance to the last penny. I knew what was going in to the bank and what ridiculously high percentage of that was going out to pay bills etc.
If I wanted to buy a pair of high heeled hot pink suede knee high boots that were on sale for a ridiculous price – if I could afford it, there was nothing stopping me. Those boots walked on home with me and had pride of place in my shoe closet.
In my first marriage I had a housekeeping budget. So long as I kept within my budget any extra was mine to do with what I liked. However, with 4 little boys there was not usually any extra. When there were other purchases that needed to be made (or that were a luxury not a necessity) it had to be discussed.
So having the financial freedom to decide how to spend my money was a breath of fresh air. I enjoyed not having to answer to anyone.
Here I am now, married to the most wonderful man in the world, and I have to readjust my thinking about spending. Again. And I am realizing that I am not handling it well. I get defensive if I am asked how much something cost, even if it’s just a little something that cost $3! I take it personally, as a criticism, when all the KoD wants to know was how much it cost. There is no hidden agenda, just open curiosity. The KoD is an awesome shopper. He knows prices like the back of his hand. He knows when we are being overcharged and he knows when he sees a bargain. Especially when it comes to grocery shopping. Food is his business and he knows it well.
Yet bring up how much something cost, and my hackles rise. It isn’t fair to him. But three years of not having to account for a penny to anyone but myself – well, I got used to that. I need to stop getting so defensive – it’s not like I am this crazy over-spender that buys and buys and has filled the house with unnecessary stuff. I am not. The KoD knows exactly how careful I am with money – so I should know that any question is simply that, a question, not a criticism.
How do I get over this? (Honestly, folks, the KoD is the most patient man in the history of the world. Sometimes I wonder how in heaven’s name he puts up with me). Logically I understand what I need to do, but emotionally – well, that’s a whole nother story…. Do any of you who were formerly single-parents but now remarried identify with my story? How did you handle this kind of situation?