Tag Archives: chattan

Don’t spend time with fiance….What??!!

I received the following letter thru email today, I answered her personally, but I wanted to see what my commenters would come up with. You guys generally are on the ball!!

“My friend told me that her kallah teacher said that you should limit your interaction with your chosson during engagement, that you shouldn’t get too close, because only after marriage do you have like a “security” that he’ll stay with you. That if you get too close beforehand then you may become ordinary to him and he might start to find faults.

But then I’m thinking that when I get married I want to already feel close to my chosson, I want to start off the marriage with me loving him, that he should be my best friend. I was observing a cousin’s wedding, where I watched my cousin interact with her chosson and it felt like they were barely talking to each other, and it made it seem like she wasn’t into it. I want at my wedding that when I look at my chosson there will be that gleam in my eye that I’m excited to marry him. Am I allowed to feel that way? I’m confused.”

So what do you say, folks? Should our kallah keep her distance from her bridegroom before the wedding or should she ignore the yentas and do what she feels right?

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The Wedding List

Been discussing some wedding traditions on twitter this morning. I started the ball rolling with a question about why a chattan (bridegroom) unties his tie and shoelaces under the Chuppah. There were some interesting answers, but the general consensus of opinion is that bride and groom should be unfettered and knot free when they tie the ultimate knot with each other.

As things do on Twitter, the conversation veered off on a tangent, to the custom of the wife buying the husband a watch as an engagement / wedding gift, originally it was a watch with a chain, to symbolize their bond.

So, those of you in the religious community know that there are aparently unwritten rules for an engaged couple when it comes to gifts for their marriage and all of that. No one sent us the memo so we didn’t do all of this, and guess what, we are still happy. Of course you have to understand this is just based on stuff I have heard, with a little poetic license thrown in.  I will list those I know about, and I would ask that you add to it. Apparently it is bad form to not fulfill these obligations.

  • No flowers are to be given to the girl by the guy until the engagement. And then she is to expect a HUGE arrangement for the Vort.
  • After the engagement there is a nice sized diamond ring expected (ok, check…)
  • With earrings, a bracelet and matching necklace to follow before the wedding. Diamonds of course. (ahem, KoD…..hint hint…just kidding I’d prefer a Harley)
  • The girl has to buy the guy a decent expensive watch and nice set of cufflinks, and a set of Shas. Her family must buy him a tallit. (ok the tallit is the one thing we did….phew)
  • He has to buy her machzorim for all the holidays, and pearls to give her in the yichud room.
  • His family is to buy the expensive sheitels for her.
  • The girl’s Daddy has to buy them a house and a car and pay for son in law to sit in kollel all day.

Anything I missed?