Tag Archives: dress


There is nothing like watching the processional of family members down the aisle, and awaiting that big moment when the bride makes her entrance. There is a reverent hush as all rise and the bride takes her first steps down that aisle, towards a life of bliss with the man of her dreams waiting for her at the other end of that aisle.

For me, when I go to a wedding, that’s what I look forward to. I couldn’t care less about the shmorg (reception) before the wedding (I hate eating standing up), I do enjoy the bedeken (when the groom comes to the bride and covers her face with the veil before the ceremony), but I love love love the actual wedding ceremony. It touches me, and I am invariably moved to tears. The dinner and dancing afterwards is fun, and it is always great to catch up with my friends, but the wedding is NEVER about the food for me.

In recent conversations with a couple of men that I know I was given to understand that they believe most of their male counterparts are interested mainly in the food (and drink) at the wedding, and do not really give a hoot about what dress the kallah (bride) is wearing, who walked down the aisle, or whether the bride and groom exchanged shy glances under the Chuppah (marriage canopy). What they care about, apparently, is what will be on their plate once the hoopla of the ceremony is over.

Are the male friends right? What do you enjoy about a wedding? What was the best wedding you ever attended and what made it so? How about your own wedding? What was the highlight?

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What does Zniut mean to you?

Tzniut, modesty – what does it mean to you? Is it just a way to dress, or is it a way of behaving that encompasses dress, speech, behaviour, thoughts, actions?


I am having trouble with the whole thing – if my elbows are covered then apparently I am conforming to the laws of tzniut, however if I am flirting with the mailman at the same time, I am definitely behaving in a totally inappropriate manner. But at least my elbows are covered.


To me, being tzanua means acting in an appropriate fashion that doesn’t bring attention to me or my behaviour. It goes so much deeper than the way we dress. We have all seen the groups of teen girls in their long Stevenson denim skirts hanging out at the mall making a lot of noise. They draw attention to themselves, even though they look outwardly modest.


I know several women and men in various communities who are total religious hypocrites. They dress to conform, they go to shul, put tefillin, shockel in the right way, are seen at the kosher restaurants, etc. But away on vacation, off comes the sheitel, all of a sudden its ok to eat fish in a treife restaurant, to go dancing in the local club in a minidress. The thinking being that no one from back home is going to see them so it is ok. Tzniut is something for when they are around other religious Jews.


It’s not ok. G-d sees us all the time. He never takes a vacation. Following His laws – isn’t that something one does for Him, not for the community at large? I am more worried about how G-d perceives me, than if my neighbour caught sight of a bare elbow when I popped an arm out the get the newspaper.


I will say that there is a difference in behaviour based on how one dresses. I know that personally when I go out in my jeans and a tee I am not as aware of my comportment as I am when I am covered head to toe. When one dresses a certain way one tells others what kind of behaviour to expect. I was wearing an ankle length jean skirt today, sleeves covering my elbows and a headscarf – I know that by dressing that way people identify me as being a religious Jewess and as such I am representing my people. In jeans and a tee no one takes a second look because everyone else out there looks the same. Point of fact, one store I visited today, the owner looked at me, and commented that people from my country are always conservatively dressed and always so polite.


Is zniut these days kehalacha or is it a product of social engineering? Does zniut have the same connotations these days as it had back in the shtetl of eastern Europe? Should the parameters change with time, evolve, or stay the way they are? How are the laws of znuit observed where you live? Do people judge you / do you judge others based on your / their mode of dress?