Tag Archives: friendship

Spending time with a friend

The following is a letter from a reader, the subject – a friend’s weight loss and the reader’s difficulty in spending time with her since the weight loss. Our reader wonders why she is having this trouble hanging out with her friend.

Dear Mama H,

Recently a close friend of mine lost a lot of weight and looks great. She’s not an overly gorgeous girl, but definitely looks better now. Plus her newfound confidence shines out of her.

I haven’t really seen her lately due to our schedules – ok, let’s be honest – I admit I have made up excuses not to see her or hang out because of her recent weight loss.

I’ve been struggling with my weight for a very long time, most of it genetic and nothing I can really do other than be as careful and healthy as I can. I eat right and I work out. I do what I can.

However this is something I know she feels amazing about, and for some reason we’ve always had a bit of a competition- but mentally, nothing that is really publicly known or acknowledged between us or anyone else.

I’m not jealous of her loss, however until I lose a little, and until I feel even better about myself and my looks, which is something I’m working on at the moment, I don’t want to really hang out with her alone or in a group.

We also have had a lot of drama over the years during our friendship. However I’m curious if me not wanting to see her in person and spend time with her due to her weight loss was something I am being weird and crazy about or if it’s just a woman thing.

Please advise.

So readers, what do you think? Does the reader’s reluctance to spend time with her friend make sense to you? Is she jealous, even though she says she isn’t? Can you identify with the way she is feeling? If her own self-image was better, would she be able to just be happy for her friend?

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To My Soul Sister

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” 

 

 I have been thinking about our conversation all day and I wanted to thank you. I know we both have crazy busy lives and don’t connect as often as we should. It doesn’t really help that I am kinda living in two places right now. I am so glad we managed to connect this morning.

We both caught up on each others oys and joys – and shared insights and thoughts. You have told me often that I inspire you to be a better person and a better mom – that’s only because I am more worn into parenthood than you are. It’s not wisdom, its having been there done that, got the scars and grey hairs to prove it.

We touched on some important topics today, and you sought my advice. In hearing myself talk and give you chizuk (strengthening and encouraging words with some spirituality on the side) – I listened to myself and took the same advice. I would not have looked at my situations in the same way had we not spoken today. I would not have been able to put the perspective on things that I now have had you not asked my opinion / advice.

 

So I wanted to thank you for getting me to the current headspace that I am in. Whatever we are dealing with (big and small) will pass. We have our health, our families, we are looked after by the Almighty (even though sometimes we cannot see it) – everything else is extra. How fortunate are we that we have each other, too? My life would be incomplete if we never would have met.

 

Sweet Sister of my Soul – thank you for the gift of your friendship, your love and your help in making me a better person. I love you.

Salvation

Three years ago today I was in a very dark place. A place where there was no light, a place where there was no possibility of sunlight ever filtering through the rigid black drapes. Three years ago today I was not me. I was a shadow of myself. I was all pain and hurt and suffering. I was composed of tears and heartbreak and emptiness. My life existed to just make me feel pain.

 

In those dark days I found myself needing more than G-d could give me, more than the kids or a spouse could give me. I needed only what I could give myself – personal salvation. But it was not mine to take. When the darkness threatened to engulf me for the very last time I somehow found the strength to fight through. I somehow kicked toward the surface with all my inner strength and dignity. The first few healing breaths hurt so much I wanted to stop breathing, but I couldn’t allow myself to stop.

 

With time breathing became easier. With time the tears did stop. With time I found happiness and joy. With time, I found contentment. With time I have been blessed to find personal fulfillment and pure happiness not based on anyone other than myself.

 

For the first time in my life I am whole. I am thrilled with who I am. I like myself. I like myself a lot. But I will always remember that person that once lived inside my body. And I will carry her lessons with me daily, to remind me how precious and fleeting life can be.

 

This is a poem that I wrote 3 years ago, at the start of my healing.

 

Pain

 

Though my body be weak

My spirit remains strong

Though my bones feel destroyed

My soul stands firm within me

Pain tries so hard to control me

I cannot, I will not, let it win

The essence of me

The truth of who I am

Is contained within

The strong chambers

Of my beating heart

And the infinite barriers

Of my everlasting soul

Pain can never win

For my inner strength

Repels every attack

In the war between

Love and Pain

The love that surrounds me

Conquers and vanquishes

Any type of negativity

I know love. I feel love.

I know truth. I feel truth.

My mission, my goal

Is to be true to my soul.

 

Thank you G-d for bringing me through that dark chapter in my life. Thank you oh L-rd for the blessing of wonderful children. I praise you oh G-d for the gift of family and friends who have always supported me through thick and thin. I thank you G-d for the life that I live – I am happy, healthy and oh so blessed with all that I have. There is so much light in my life now – how could I ever have lived without it?