I was doing great. I barely shed a tear today, leaving my KoD in Monsey after two and a half weeks together. My lower lip trembled but I didn’t give in. I was strong. I was mature – this is part of what we signed on for, and it won’t have to happen too many more times. Soon enough we will have our visas and 333 mile drives will be a thing of the past.
The radio was my undoing 3 hours later. Chicago. “Hard to Say I’m Sorry”. It came on the radio and just triggered the most humongous outpouring of tears. We hadn’t fought, so it wasn’t that. It was the first line “Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other” – and my heart was crying out that it wasn’t true. I don’t need time away from the KoD. I crave time with him. Being apart from him is the worst feeling. At that point, closer to Montreal than to Monsey I seriously considered just turning the car around at the next exit. You cannot imagine the ache I felt inside, knowing I was driving towards my boys and away from my husband. The tears just didn’t stop.
I wanted to be able to know that I kept it together the whole way home. I haven’t yet managed to do that. I should have known better than to listen to the radio. After that almost every song made me cry. Even Hotel California – oy, don’t even ask lol!!
And no, there was no envelope from the Consulate waiting for me…tomorrow is another day.
I leave you with Chicago. Hard to Say I’m Sorry
We went out to eat tonight at this new restaurant / steakhouse. Its owner is a well known caterer and previous restaurant owner. The décor was not impressive. I didn’t appreciate eating opposite a painting of the back end of a cow, nor the fake cow hides on the tables. The waiters were dressed in denim shirts and jeans – too casual for my liking. The place was packed and the noise level was deafening. We brought the average age of the diners down by 30 years. The prices were fair considering it’s a kosher restaurant.
The service was prompt but the server was way too fresh. As soon as I had sat down he materialized with the menu (as I said, prompt) but he just had to make a comment about how much he liked my shoes. (pink espadrilles which lace up around the ankle).
The food came within 10 minutes and I must say my steak was cooked to perfection and all the sides were delicious and well presented. I cleared my plate. My dinner companion was not pleased with what she ordered, unfortunately, but didn’t send it back. The waiter came to clear away our dishes, looked at my empty plate and said “it’s always the skinny ones that can pack it away”. I thought that was highly inappropriate and forward. There is a huge difference between being charming and making the diner feel skeeved out.
The food was good but I was very disappointed in the ambiance. I expected more from Ernie. But this place has been open only 5 weeks, so I guess I will have to give it time. If you go, just make sure you take the door to the right. One on the left is to a massage parlour.
Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I am living a schizophrenic type of lifestyle. My life is here in Montreal with the kids, where I have been for sixteen years. My future is in Monsey with my husband the KoD. I visit there often – with and without the kids, mainly without as we don’t want to interrupt their schedule too much.
I am slowly learning my way around my new neighbourhood in Monsey. I have made some great awesome life-long friends, reconnected with an old friend who just happens to live right round the corner. (We went to Bnei Akiva together. He went to school with my brother). I have connected with many people in the neighbourhood (ok I will learn how to spell in the American way once I move, k?) that I just know will become friends.
I am learning my way to the grocery store, Walmart, Dunkin Donuts and the schools too. I am slowly getting the feel of the place.
I feel so at home there. I guess I should look at it as how fortunate I am that I have two homes, but the truth of the matter is that neither place is completely home without all of my 5 main males.
The I-87 has been well travelled in the past few months by myself and the KoD. There are so many markers on the way – just passed the flag in the middle of the road, just passed the boat on the side of the road – little things that show us how close we are getting to each other.
It does get confusing though – I know I bought more milk – only to realize I bought it for the other place. I just cleaned too – but that was there not here….
I wake up sometimes not sure of where I am…..but the likelihood is that I am still in Montreal because that is where I am to stay until we are granted our visas. I will visit the KoD as much as I can – he will come up here too. It’s not going to be perfect, but that is our current reality. We hope and pray that the visas come through soon so I can be full time in ONE place, Monsey, with the kids and my KoD, under one roof, living happily ever after.
Posted in essay
Tagged monsey, montreal