Tag Archives: rant

Dear Young Putz

We just crossed paths at an office building not too far from me. My husband had some business to take care of, and I was waiting for him in the lobby. There was one chair there, occupied by your ridiculously young self. I leaned against the wall for 5 minutes, while you were sprawled all over the easy chair answering your email and BBMs. You looked up, saw me leaning against the wall. Did you offer me your seat? No. Did it even occur to you that it might be the chivalrous thing to do? No.

In fact, you finally got up to talk to the receptionist, and I immediately sat down in the seat you vacated. Within a few seconds you turned around and saw that I was sitting in “your” seat. I could see the frustration on your face that you had lost your seat. I busied myself with MY blackberry.

I know I am not an old woman by any means, but I have at least 15 years on you. I was brought up that if a lady is standing, then no men are sitting. My husband would have given up his seat for any woman – young or old, it is immaterial. But then he was brought up in a time where men were gentlemen and knew what chivalry was.

It’s a shame that it didn’t bother you to see me standing for minutes on end. It’s a shame that you were not brought up with the right values. Would I have taken the seat if you offered it? Maybe, maybe not. But it would have been the correct thing for you to do to offer.

I think I will stop before I start wagging my index finger at you and call you a young whippersnapper.

Signed

A very disgruntled HSM

Licensed to what? A Rant

Sometimes I wonder what would happen to this world if we all had to pass parenting exams before they allowed us to procreate. Adoption and fostering are regulated. If you are a certifiable idiot they don’t let you have the honour of adopting a child. Heck, sometimes even if you are certifiably normal they find a reason to reject you.

Case in point, and bear in mind I am tired and hungry right now and don’t really care about being politically correct. I popped in to the local 7-11 which is apparently a cool place to hang out – kosher slurpies etc… On my way thru the parking lot I noticed a mama-wagon (a van) parked with the engine running, no one in the driver’s seat. Hmm. Peered in thru the window – not one, but TWO sleeping toddlers safely buckled in their car seats. The car was unlocked – I could have just opened the door, and driven away, because the keys were in the ignition.

What the hell, woman? I understand you need to run an errand and the kids fell asleep in the car. That happened to me many a time when the kids were little. And I get that you left the air conditioning on so that they didn’t boil to death, but come on – someone could have driven away with your babies!! In the 5 minutes it took for you to drop off or pick up your dry cleaning or buy a coffee – poof, kids, gone!! How is this ok?!! I watched thru the window of the 7-11 while I was paying for my coffee. She was gone for the 4 minutes it took me to prepare and pay for my coffee. As I exited the store she sauntered up to her car, gabbing on her phone, and nonchalantly drove off, taking for granted that her kids would still be there.

Maybe I am just an old curmudgeon these days, but I wanted to severely berate her for not caring enough…..

What are your thoughts?

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Oh for the love of Pete!!

Lady comes up to me in shul yesterday. While I was davenning. Which already ticked me off.

“Hadassah, so nice to see you. You are looking great.”

“Thank you.” I smile, and return to my siddur (prayer book)

“But I have never seen you this skinny before. It’s too much.”

I just kinda shrugged, you know, as if to say, whatever.

Then she asks, “What is your secret?”

I tell her it’s the stress diet.

“Mmhmm. You aren’t anorexic or bulimic are you?”

“No, not at all, but you know what, I do need to go throw up now that you mention it.”

Her eyes bugged out of her face…I walked off muttering under my breath “because its YOU who are making me sick with your nose up in my business”.

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Children are important!!

I just got off the phone with my girlfriend. She was livid.

She had gone to the Chassidic section of town to pick up some danishes at Cheskie’s, an awesome bakery that piles on the pounds before you even enter the store. There was a bunch of women inside yammering away in Yiddish as if they had no cares in the world. She bought what she needed and left.

As she left the store she noticed a baby carriage parked outside with a 4 month old baby sleeping peacefully in it. She checked her watch. She got into her car, made a quick phone call or two, and yes, the baby was still there unattended while its mother was nowhere in sight. 10 minutes go by until the mother (we presume she was the mother) comes out of Cheskie’s and pushes the stroller away from the store. My friend didn’t want to leave until she saw the baby was safe, but she also didn’t want to go in to the store and confront the mother.

You leave a baby alone in a stroller outside a store for ten minutes??!! I would never do it not even for a minute, a second! When my kids were little I wouldn’t even leave them in the car while I ran in to pick up a carton of milk. How can someone just leave their baby there and trust no one will kidnap him / her, or do something equally dastardly? How can she not care about the baby’s safety?

Cheskie’s does not have room for strollers inside, that’s for sure, but she could have parked the stroller and left it outside, and carried the baby inside with her. She left the baby outside, in the cold, and didn’t come out to even check on it once. What kind of mentality is this? “God will watch my child while I am in the store gossiping with the other ladies” – well, trust in God is all well and good, but it’s your job, woman, to look after the child that HE blessed you with. How can you have such a cavalier attitude to this poor sweet innocent babe?? If something had happened to your child you would have been distraught.

My friend is a sweetheart. She doesn’t like to make waves and was worried only about the baby. Me, I am sure I would have waited till the mother came out and given her a huge chunk of my mind. Not that it would have got me anywhere. Maybe it would have made me feel better. What if the police would have been called? Is that child neglect or child endangerment?

Would YOU ever leave your infant or young child outside a store for ten minutes? Ever?

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Butt yourself out of my life, woman!

Ok so I was stupid enough to go to the local kosher store in my skants. My skirt was black, almost ankle length, very kosher, but the pink sweatpants underneath couldn’t help but peek through. Had a bandanna on my head – all my hair was covered. Apparently because I am dressed so modern it’s obvious I don’t understand Yiddish. (like Duh!!)

Ok let me breathe for a second here. I bumped into a friend at the cash and we were catching up. There was this woman there who I have seen around but I don’t know who she is, just that she seems to know everyone. So I am chatting with my friend as the cashier is ringing up her stuff. We talk about Pesach, and I happened to say “there is no way I am making Pesach in two places”. If you know my life story at this point, you understand what I mean.

This yenta woman butts in to a private conversation and asks why would you need to make Pesach in two places? Lady, it ain’t none of your business – I wanted to say that but instead I just said a dismissive but polite “it’s complicated”. She doesn’t need to know my business. She wasn’t happy with my answer because she had an apparent need to know. Was in desperate need of some new gossip to spread. So she talks to the cashier in Yiddish and asks him about MY life. What’s her name she says, and what’s her story? Then HE has the chutzpah, the cashier, to tell her (in Yiddish because of course there is no way I could possibly understand what with being modern and all) that my husband lives in NY and I live here. You could see her antenna rising faster by the second. Oh yes, here’s a juicy story. She asks him again what my name is. He tells her in Yiddish that he has no clue what my new name is – it was a second marriage. Flippin’ Nora people – do I have no right to privacy? The cashier knows me – same community etc….can he not keep his mouth shut?

She starts peppering me with questions, I try to ignore her and talk to my friend, who is quite horrified herself, and eventually she asks if I am new in town. I tell her, no, I have been here for 16 years. Oh, she says, I never saw you before. Big frigging whoop – there are 90 000 Jews here in Montreal. One of them you didn’t meet, and one of them you don’t have the gossip on. Deal with it!!

She turns to the cashier again, and asks him, again in Yiddish (and she has paid for her stuff before this, she is just hanging round to socialize) if he knew me, or my family – our yichus (pedigree). By now my friend has left and on her way out she shot me a look of disbelief that I was actually keeping my temper, and the cashier is ringing up my purchases. Still motor mouth is going strong. Where do you live, where do your kids go to school, what does your husband do…..I work hard at ignoring her.

As I picked up my purchases and walked by her, I said to her in my imperfect but understandable Yiddish with a very cutting tone – when it comes to Yom Kippur and you klop al cheit (strike your chest as remorse for sins committed), remember me and how you tried so hard to stick your big nose into my business, how you had no respect for another Jew, how you made another person uncomfortable just so that you could have more rechilus and loshon hora (gossip) to go tell your friends.

I stalked off with my head held high and did not look back. I shouldn’t have said anything but it was so galling. How do people have the chutzpah to blatantly dig into someone’s life just for the heck of it? The cashier – I had respect for him. I did. No longer. I feel like he paid no heed to my feelings at all. And the whole Yiddish thing?? ARGH!!

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Slim Pickings

Just had a girlfriend bending my ear about the ridiculousness of the shidduch business. She said all the shadchanim (matchmakers) really want to know is the size of the girl – slim, average or forget-about-it. Is she pretty? Does she dress well? They don’t even bother asking about her middot, her character or personality traits. Is that not important anymore?

Are there no larger girls needing to get married? Are they to be forgotten about because they cannot squeeze into less than a 14? There are not so many girls who stay size 2 after they have kids you know!! No one asks if the boy is fat, or skinny or has pimples.

Why so much emphasis on size??

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You are so strong! – a rant

Oh give me a break. What choice do I have? Yes I live apart from my husband and seem to spend my life driving the I-87, but it isn’t indefinite. VERY SOON (you hear that Uncle Sam?!) we will have our visas and be together. Being strong ain’t got nothing to do with it. You deal with whatever the world throws at you. What am I supposed to do? Lie down and play dead because it’s so hard to deal with? Throw a tantrum because I didn’t get what I wanted when I wanted it?? Ignore everything else that’s good in my life and focus on the one thing I don’t have right now?

Being strong is for people that are fighting bigger fights – cancer, custody battles, terrible life threatening circumstances. What I am going through is not fun but anybody would manage the same issues the same. You keep on keeping on because you know there is that light at the end of the tunnel. You know there is an end in sight. Being strong – that’s when you hope there might be a light, but you aren’t quite sure. Being strong – that’s when all you have left is hope and faith and not much else. Don’t put me up on a freaking pedestal as the strong woman. I am just a flesh and blood person who is trying to do her best with each blessed day she is given. Don’t tell me when you grow up you want to be like me, because, lady, I am so far from perfect it isn’t even funny.

If there is one thing you CAN admire me for, then admire me for the love I have for my God, my boys and my husband. There is nothing on this earth that would shake that. Nothing. Love your kids and your husband the same way I do, lady, as if they are your every breath. Let them be the centre of your universe. You do that, you focus just on them, you will find that that love gives you energy and vigor to do what you need to do no matter the circumstances. That love will give you a perspective on every new day that you never had before. That each new day is a gift to be shared with those around you.

So many times I hear people, specifically women, say that they wouldn’t be able to cope with being apart from their husband for a year, and deal with all that entails. Next time someone says that to me, I shall ask them what they see as an alternative. Seriously. In the end we will be together. Am I supposed to just give up and file for divorce (God Forbid) because it’s so hard? Should I not have married him because we knew it would be tough? Think things through people. At least I see him for two weekends a month. Imagine how awful it would be if we didn’t even have that.

I know people care, I know they just want to connect with me sometimes on a less superficial level, but for some reason this being strong business just gets up my nose.

Pass the Grumpitol. I am obviously in dire need.

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Monday’s Rant

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I’m Ranting, it must be Monday!

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Note to self

Have flashcards printed and carry them with all the time. The message they need to contain, each on an individual card, is as follows.

  • No I have not yet moved, but my fist might just move of its own volition very soon
  • Indeed I am a skinny wench, jealous much? Or
  • Indeed I am a skinny wench, when was the last time you saw your feet??
  • Yes I am still married (disappointed not to have given you gossip to spread on the yenta-net. So sad too bad)
  • No I am not pregnant, just bloated. That’s what a full stomach looks like on a skinny wench (see above)
  • If we need advice on our family planning you will be the last person I call
  • I really don’t want to know what goes on in your bedroom, so why do you think I would tell you about mine?
  • Just because your husband needs help doesn’t mean everyone’s husband does. Mind you if I had to look at you in that way I would need a 24/7 sleeping pill.
  • I am so sorry that you think that way. Must be hard to be so dumb
  • Why are my nails so long? So I can scratch your eyes out
  • How do I walk in these heels? Like most people, one foot in front of the other!
  • The name is Mrs Milner. Not Mrs Whatever-your-name-is-now….

Disclaimer, I am not rude and mean by nature but sometimes stupid people really tick me off. They just open their mouths to change feet. I am usually gracious and smile politely and walk away, but sometimes I wish I wasn’t so nice.

Please feel free to add your own flashcards…

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