Tag Archives: SAHM. WAHM

Oh, you don’t work?

Holy heckers woman! Of course I work. I work my fingers to the bone day in day out. What’s that? Right, I don’t do paid work. So that invalidates everything I do? Soon I shall start being paid for my writing. But apparently that matters little around here. Writing shmiting – unless you are published in Binah or Mishpacha it doesn’t count, and I have set my sights higher than that.

Yes, I am a mom. A full time stay at home mom. Is it a choice? Well, sort of. See I was working, until, due to the terrible economy, I lost my job the week before our marriage. I didn’t seek another because we thought it would be only a couple of months until we moved. Little did I know that I would be stuck here this long. For most of my kids’ lives though, I have been a stay at home mother. It was only last autumn that I decided to get out and work a little for my own sanity, since all the kids were then in school for a full day. It just increased the amount of stuff on my plate.

I am married, but to most intents and purposes, while I am up here, I am still a single mom. Therefore all the childcare, housework, bill paying, grocery shopping etc falls squarely on my more-than-capable shoulders. Each day is a flurry of activity from the time I wake up till the time I drop into bed exhausted at night. Plus I write in my “free” time. I make the time to do it because I enjoy it. Does that make me a WAHM mom even though it isn’t paid work?

Moms do not get enough respect. Single moms get even less. We work damn hard day in day out to make sure our kids are well taken care of. Yes, if I went out to work we would have more disposable income so I could hire a cleaning lady if I wanted to or buy the shoes I lust after. But when I was working, I found the time I was home, I was so busy taking care of everything in the house, and groceries etc, that I didn’t seem to have as much time for the kids as I wanted to have. Were they neglected? Absolutely not. I worked 25 hours a week, with a 90 minute commute total each day. Then I had all the shopping to do, the groceries, the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking etc. Homework and fun time with the kids was a must, a priority – but by the time they went to bed, I was exhausted, this was no way to live. Then throw in long distance dating and organizing a wedding and a kid with a broken ankle – my plate was overloaded. Just as well I was let go.

Life is a little quieter these days, but my plate is still full. Kids still need to be fed and clothed and bathed and homeworked and nurtured and loved and disciplined and fed again. I write every day. One day I will finish my book and start on the next. I am still on the road a lot. It will only get crazier once we get the notification of when we can move. Then I have to add packing to the list – but that will be an awesome addition.

So yes, madam, I work. Shove that in yer pipe and smoke it!

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Cleaning help – necessity or luxury?

mop_and_bucketI had been away for almost 3 weeks, came back and was sick in bed for a few days. The idea of the housework that needed to be done was depressing me, as I was sure I would never catch up. I treated myself this week to cleaning help for a few hours. By the time this awesome miracle worker had left, my house was sparkling like it never had. I could have eaten off the floors. Now, I can clean, I can clean well, I just don’t ever get the whole house clean in one shot, so I always feel as if I am playing catch up. While the lady was cleaning I wasn’t sitting on my fat behind polishing my nails and eating bonbons. No siree! I was up to my eyeballs in laundry. Seven loads of it to be precise. When I went to bed that night, it felt great knowing I was caught up, even though it was obviously temporary. That was two days ago, the house still looks good, but there is laundry to do again, and the kitchen floor could use a mopping…..the list goes on.

I felt guilty spending the money though. Money is tight and this seemed like an indulgence. But I needed to also heal from my recent sickness and if I would have pushed myself to the limit to do all that needed to be done, it would take me longer to heal. Better to spend the money on this, than on more medication. If I worked outside the home I think I would feel much better about having cleaning help, but I have many friends who are SAHMs / WAHMs who have help a couple of times a week, they say it helps their sanity.

I asked the question of some friends whether cleaning help was a necessity or a luxury. Most of the moms say it’s totally a necessity in order to help retain their sanity. One friend even said she would choose to have cleaning help over shoes! Another friend says that cleaning help is essential to a wife’s mental health. Some of the husbands agree, some think it’s a luxury they can’t afford. After all, what do their wives do all day?? Glad my KoD doesn’t have that attitude. He knows how hard I work at being a mom and a wife and does what he can to help.

So my question to you, dear reader, today, is do you have cleaning help? Why? Why not? How often? Necessity or luxury?

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