Tag Archives: single mom

Oh, you don’t work?

Holy heckers woman! Of course I work. I work my fingers to the bone day in day out. What’s that? Right, I don’t do paid work. So that invalidates everything I do? Soon I shall start being paid for my writing. But apparently that matters little around here. Writing shmiting – unless you are published in Binah or Mishpacha it doesn’t count, and I have set my sights higher than that.

Yes, I am a mom. A full time stay at home mom. Is it a choice? Well, sort of. See I was working, until, due to the terrible economy, I lost my job the week before our marriage. I didn’t seek another because we thought it would be only a couple of months until we moved. Little did I know that I would be stuck here this long. For most of my kids’ lives though, I have been a stay at home mother. It was only last autumn that I decided to get out and work a little for my own sanity, since all the kids were then in school for a full day. It just increased the amount of stuff on my plate.

I am married, but to most intents and purposes, while I am up here, I am still a single mom. Therefore all the childcare, housework, bill paying, grocery shopping etc falls squarely on my more-than-capable shoulders. Each day is a flurry of activity from the time I wake up till the time I drop into bed exhausted at night. Plus I write in my “free” time. I make the time to do it because I enjoy it. Does that make me a WAHM mom even though it isn’t paid work?

Moms do not get enough respect. Single moms get even less. We work damn hard day in day out to make sure our kids are well taken care of. Yes, if I went out to work we would have more disposable income so I could hire a cleaning lady if I wanted to or buy the shoes I lust after. But when I was working, I found the time I was home, I was so busy taking care of everything in the house, and groceries etc, that I didn’t seem to have as much time for the kids as I wanted to have. Were they neglected? Absolutely not. I worked 25 hours a week, with a 90 minute commute total each day. Then I had all the shopping to do, the groceries, the laundry, the cleaning, the cooking etc. Homework and fun time with the kids was a must, a priority – but by the time they went to bed, I was exhausted, this was no way to live. Then throw in long distance dating and organizing a wedding and a kid with a broken ankle – my plate was overloaded. Just as well I was let go.

Life is a little quieter these days, but my plate is still full. Kids still need to be fed and clothed and bathed and homeworked and nurtured and loved and disciplined and fed again. I write every day. One day I will finish my book and start on the next. I am still on the road a lot. It will only get crazier once we get the notification of when we can move. Then I have to add packing to the list – but that will be an awesome addition.

So yes, madam, I work. Shove that in yer pipe and smoke it!

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I’ve been working on the railroad

Well I have officially added a job to my already more than full time job. This full time single mommy is now employed, for money, outside of the house. Yes, I have taken the leap after thirteen years of at-home-mommyhood to real life employment. (I guess one potentially demanding boss could be no worse than 4 adorable little tyrants , and grown up bosses generally don’t throw tantrums when they don’t get their way, right?)

 

I spent a good part of the day getting myself oriented (or shall we say disoriented – so much to remember, my poor head is still spinning) and am very much looking forward to this new stage in my life.

 

Of course when I got home I had a complete and total meltdown. What was I thinking? That I could manage to work and run the house and be a good mom and have some me-time? Hardee-har-har! I had a pity party for about 30 minutes, had a good friend tell me I was just plain exhausted (jet lag still kicking my patootie) and that I should not pass go, should not collect my $200, just go straight to bed for a power nap. I was told to leave my PoisonBerry away from my room, and go lie down. Major withdrawal. But I managed. My nap energized me. I woke up, the kids got home, we cooked supper, we did homework, we ate together, laundry got done, I even cut the boys’ hair, I managed to get them all showered and pajamaed and bedded – and ended off the evening with a lovely conversation with a new friend (that’s me-time right?) . All that was missing was the back rub I so desperately needed……oh mr knight in shining armour, now is a good time for you to ring my bell.

 

So dear readers, I have a question for you, especially those of you who are working parents – how do you do it all? What are your coping mechanisms? How do you fit personal time in with all the other calls on your time? My biggest fear is that something will be overlooked, or someone’s needs will be neglected. How do I prevent myself from getting overwhelmed as I was today? Any advice – constructive please – would be welcome.

 

Thanks! Off to sleep, for tomorrow I must awake refreshed and energized for a new day at work.