Tag Archives: tznius

Heinous or Harmless?

Read: Fury at Hasidic dress codes.

Do you think store owners have the right to go above and beyond the standard “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service”? Or is it totally their call – if they don’t want business from people wearing clothes that do not adhere to their own modesty standards, should that be their choice?


Modest Dressing – 2

Ok, this really is not going to be a daily feature, but I had to get dressed up again today to go to a bris in Far Rockaway, so I figured I would share with you.

All dressed for the bris

I love this outfit – it’s fun and flirty, yet modest. The black skirt is a staple – I only have about half a bazillion in my closet, but this is my favourite. The zipper goes the entire length of the skirt – can zip it all the way, or leave it open a few inches if you are so inclined. It is knee length and lycra and totally washable.

Skirt detailing

The white long sleeve tee is just your basic white shell that you can pick up anywhere. The purple top is cut on the bias – I am not sure how well the photo shows it. I love the flower detailing at the top. It’s loose and comfy and not constricting. However, because it is slightly A-line I do notice some women looking to see if there is a preggo belly protruding underneath. I wore stockings again today – the bris was in a shul, and I refuse to go barelegged to shul, even though I don’t care about being bare legged outside of it. It’s a respect thing.

detailing on the top

I was worried about how the other women would be dressed. Shouldn’t have been. However, note to self, the next time I attend a function in Far Rockaway at shul, wear a humongous hat to match my suit. Seems to be the way to dress out there.

So here is my costing (it’s approximate).


White Shell: Ruthie’s of Monsey (they really need to get online) about $20
Purple Top : Ruthie’s, on sale, $30
Black Skirt: Winners in Montreal, on sale, $19.99
Black Ballet Flats: Walmart, $14.99

Total under $100 once more.

I think my next modest dressing post will be what I wear on a dress down day….

I want you to note though, that I am not big into accessories. I have three pairs of earrings – gold hoops, diamond hoops and small pearl earrings. I wear the gold hoops during the week and the other two are Shabbat earrings. I almost always wear my necklace with the Hebrew letter HAY (for Hadassah) on it. My great uncle o.b.m made it for me by hand for my batmitzvah, and I have worn it daily ever since. I do change it when I get dressed for a wedding-  then I wear pearls.

If you own / run a clothing company and wish to sponsor a future edition of Modest Dressing, please email me at InThePinkBlog at gmail dot com. Thanks

Modest Dressing

Taking a page out of Chaviva’s book who took it out of her friend’s book….I figured I would do a fashion piece, see what you people think of the feature and decide if it will be a regular occurrence or not.

Modestly Dressed

So, today we have a school interview, and I need to make sure all the bits and pieces that need to be covered are indeed covered. I am wearing the panty hose and closed toe shoes and have a wig on my head and minimal makeup. Basically – not trying to be “in your face” – going for a demure look…. Not quite sure I get there.

So let’s start:

Sheitel: Kiki

Sunglasses: Rabbis Harley and Davidson

Shell (slinky black teeshirt that cannot be worn on its own as it is too tight) – I bought it some place in Flatbush, 2 years ago, to go under a simcha dress that had a low neckline.

Suit: I bought it online at Junees.com and I love it. You can dress it up, dress it down…

The detailing on the jacket

detailing on the skirt

Shoes: Walmart’s finest, 3 years ago.

I love these shoes

This outfit (other than the wig) cost less than $100 to put together. The suit was $69, shell $15 and the shoes $9.99.

I love this outfit and would love to have something similar in a different colour, but have not been able to find one…

If you own / run a clothing company and wish to sponsor a future edition of Modest Dressing, please email me at InThePinkBlog at gmail dot com. Thanks

TeeNeck – a product review.

The people at Kosher Casual sent me this product to review. They call it a  “TeeNeck”. To me it looks like a dickie, defined by Merriam Webster as “a small fabric insert worn to fill in the neckline”. That is exactly what the TeeNeck is supposed to do.

Its purpose is to make an immodest top wearable by modest dressers. If your shirt has a low neckline, the Teeneck will fill it in, without the added weight of an extra shirt. In this heat we need keep as cool as we can, while still respecting the laws of tzniut.

So the other day, I decided that I needed to wear it with my casual button down floral shirt, that is slightly low on the neckline. It was a white shirt, and I had a white TeeNeck. The TeeNeck itself is extremely soft and when you are wearing it, you really cannot feel it.

wearing the TeeNeck under my shirt

It covered all it needed to cover without making me over heat. It didn’t move around at all, which was what worried me initially – I was concerned that on an energetic day it might wriggle its way up, or get bunched up, or somehow turn itself around (there is no sleeves or anything really anchoring it in place). It didn’t. I do wonder how larger women would find it – it is a one size fits all clothing item.

While it did tzniusify my outfit to my satisfaction, it did not completely cover my collarbone, which is important to some modest-dressing women. Either I have high collarbones, or the folks at Kosher Casual need to raise the neckline a drop.

Go to their website and see what else they have on offer – they have really great stuff for the modest dresser, and their prices are reasonable. They even have men’s and boy’s pants too! They have clothing that is modest yet trendy – perfect for the teenager and her mother!

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Posted for a reader.

You are a baal/at teshuvah (returnee to Judaism), and the rest of your immediate family are secular. You are the only religious Jew they know, and they see you as different and a little strange. Your little niece loves to spend time with you and your family at your house. She is 10.

How do you teach her about modesty and how to dress when she comes to visit you? How do you explain to her to bring clothing that covers her up at all times, without hurting her feelings? That it isn’t appropriate for her to be running around the house in short shorts and tank tops, especially when you are trying to raise your children to dress modestly?

Speaking to her parents apparently does no good as they have not been around religious people much and really think this whole religious idea about dressing modest is cultish and strange.

Your niece loves to visit, she enjoys the vibe in your home, and loves the ritual of Judaism that she sees. It is quite possible that due to her visits a spark could be ignited within her and she could follow your path towards observance.

Is this worth addressing, or will the child, as she grows older, learn that at her aunt and uncle’s house we dress differently, and she will do that in her own time?


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What is wrong with people?

Why do they have to stare? Truth is – you do feel different if it’s a member of your own sex staring at you, rather than the opposite sex. I was on the bus coming home from a fruitless shopping trip (I walked for 2 hours there, and around, and I caved and took the bus home. So sue me). I was dressed in my funkified way – ok fine, let me take a pic….the picture doesn’t show the pigtails so well, but they are there. I am actually wearing leggings as well as a skirt, pink Betty Boop socks and good sneakers. Everything that is supposed to be covered is covered.

This Jewish woman comes on the bus, and by the way she is dressed she looks outwardly more religious than I am. I caught her looking at me, and I chose not to notice. I looked up perhaps 40 seconds later and she is still staring at me. Why? Obviously because I am cute, right, and totally dressed tzanuah, and she is so impressed by the way I combine my modesty with my sense of flair…. Yeah. Right. Somehow, that just doesn’t ring true.

I stared back at her to make her look away. She didn’t. I raised my eyebrow at her, shook my head, and just ignored her. Staring is so darn rude. I wanted to be rude back and stick my tongue out at her. But I was brought up better than that! What does she think, that she is better than me? I really wanted to ask her why she was staring….but chickened out.

What would you have done / said?

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Helping not modest?

From the YWN coffee room…..a lady asks the following question :

Walking down the street today, I encountered a young father shlepping up the steps a double stroller along side of him a young child who he was also trying to help up. Is it tznuis for me to help him up with the carriage?

(Wonderful sentence structure…sigh)

There were a good many people who replied telling her it’s a mitzvah to help a fellow Jew. There were also those replies that told her indeed it isn’t tzanuah, in fact one went so far as to say that issues of negiah (inappropriate touching) or Niddah arise.

I don’t know, folks. Someone needs help, you help. You don’t stop to have a halachic internal argument about the pros and cons of helping someone who obviously needs it. It was suggested on that site that if they carry the stroller together it isn’t proper, especially if she is a Niddah. Let’s go further – what if someone saw her helping a man who isn’t her husband with a stroller and a kid that wasn’t hers. Maybe, just maybe, they might think something inappropriate about her or him. So therefore don’t bother helping anyone of the opposite sex, you know, just so that other people won’t perhaps think wrongly of you. Again, is that how people want to live their life – based on what others think of them? Should we not be living our lives to serve God not man?

As a mom who struggled with double strollers any help was appreciated, male or female. How have we got to this point that we have to be so hyper aware of breathing in case we might do it wrong??!!

ETA: apparently fanatical stupidity goes back a long way. with thanks to Rabbi Josh Yuter who provided me with the following source:

39. B. Sotah 21aWhat is a foolish pietist like? — E.g., a woman is drowning in the river, and he says: ‘It is improper for me to look upon her and rescue her’ 39. תלמוד בבלי מסכת סוטה דף כא עמוד ב היכי דמי חסיד שוטה? כגון דקא טבעה איתתא בנהרא, ואמר: לאו אורח ארעא לאיסתכולי בה ואצולה
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Minhag HaMakom – Modest Dress and Hair Covering

Literally “the custom of the place”. I think this is the Jewish equivalent of “when in Rome do as the Romans do”.

Can we apply this to dressing modestly and hair covering? If you are married and don’t cover your hair, and perhaps dress more modern that your chareidi (ultra religious) cousins – if you go to a chareidi  event like a barmitzvah or wedding – will you make an extra effort to blend in by dressing appropriately? If you know that 95% of the women there are wearing hats or wigs, will you cover you hair too out of respect? Do you think this is asking too much?

When I go to the boys’ yeshiva I always dress more covered up than I usually do. I make sure I have sleeves to my wrists, my skirt is way past my knees and I don’t go in bare legged. Even though I might dress differently outside, when I visit the school I am respectful of their sensibilities. Some people say this is hypocritical. I say it is common courtesy. What do you say?

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Tznius Question

Why is it that it seems more tzanuah (modest) to wear thin tights / pantyhose under a skirt, than to wear jeans or sweat pants under the same skirt? I would be so much warmer wearing my jeans underneath and they don’t cling quite as much as panty hose does. Up here on the frozen tundra we need to stay warm.

I know, it’s probably the whole begged ish (men’s clothing) thing with the trousers, which personally I do not completely agree with especially as these days women’s trousers are made specifically for them which in my opinion totally negates the begged ish argument. I won’t wear pants by themselves out of the house due to tznius (modesty) issues, but why can I not wear them under my skirt to walk to the local store?

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Oh Hush Your Mouth!

I know that having a blog under my own name is a double edged sword. I know that including my email address on my blog is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse. It gives people the ability to moralize at me at will. My twitter page leads to my blog, so if someone wants to find me after seeing a tweet, they can.

I tweeted this morning – “I wish there was a way to get all my make up [on] in 30 seconds….I so cannot be bothered this morning BUT i look like drek warmed over.”

Cue email. Apparently this person has been following my life thru twitter and the blog. She (he?) seems to think that when I am not in the same city as my KoD it is wrong for me to wear make up and make myself look pretty. It’s acceptable for me to get ausgepitzed (tarted up) when he is around because he will benefit. Furthermore, the fact that I want to look nice when he isn’t around apparently is a reflection on my terrible morals – that I want other men to look at me. I guess I should be thankful I didn’t mention the stiletto heeled boots and short skirt I was planning to wear.

So let me get this straight. When our husbands are out of town we have to look awful. We only wear make up and nice clothing for our husbands. We don’t do it for ourselves. We don’t do it so that we can have good self esteem and feel positive about who we are. No. We belong to our husbands and have to bend to their will. Every breath we take is sanctioned by them. Wait, am I even allowed to breathe when KoD isn’t around, or do I have to ask him first? Hang on a sec, where the heck did I put my burka?!

Do me a lemon!!

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