Think about it. When you are angry it takes up a lot of your energy. It colours everything that you do or say. Until that anger is dissipated it eats away at you. Sometimes that anger never goes away.
A few years ago, before Yom Kippur, I called up my ex. We had been separated / divorced for 18 months but time had not healed me that much. I was so fed up of being angry and looking for hidden meanings where there were none, looking for more excuses to hate him. I told him that whatever had been in the past, I forgave him for. I did not want to fight anymore, I did not want to hold on to stress and tension. I didn’t just say the words. I meant them. We had both been hurt, and I asked him for forgiveness too. I spoke from the heart. It was at that moment that I truly started to heal. Letting go of what was done and said, and taking away the power from anger and resentment – I felt as if a ten ton block had been lifted off of me.
It was a short conversation, but one I will always remember. I went into Yom Kippur that year with a lighter heart. Yes I still had much to atone for, after all, none of us are perfect, but I knew that this new single mom arrangement would be ok. I felt lighter and refreshed.
As we head into Yom Kippur tomorrow night, I want you to think about the grudges you still bear. We all have them in some way, shape or form. Perhaps it is time to try to heal the wounds, perhaps it is time to try to work out a way to let the bitterness go.
I forgive those who seek to harm me in any way and have harmed me in the past. I forgive those people whose mission in life, it seems, is to cause upset and hurt in my life and the lives of those I care about. I will pray for them over Yom Kippur that they find it in their hearts to forgive themselves and find the strength to move on with their lives in a positive manner. I ask forgiveness from those whom I have hurt albeit unintentionally.
My wish for you, dear readers, is that you have a meaningful Fast. May we all be sealed in the book of Life.
Gmar Chatimah Tovah.
In the Pink 
very well said, and so true, forgiving others doesnt only make them feel better but makes the one who forgives the other feel less of a burden on their heart, mind, and soul. Gmar Chatima Tova to you and your family.
…but it may take time…
It’s very hard to forgive, probably because we can’t really forget.
Every year I try to do the same and thus far, haven’t been too successful. It’s part of being human and it’s something to work on continuously. All I can do, at least right now, is really be honest and make real efforts to go into YK with an open mind and heart and hope to learn and move on. It took you 18 months, for some, it may take a lifetime…
I am so impressed that you called your ex, after only 18 months. That must have taken a lot of courage.
This is such a good post, and so true. When we hold a grudge, all we’re really doing is letting the negativity and toxicity affect us and our lives, and it touches so much! It is much easier said than done to let go and forgive, but yes, it is so worth it.
Gmar Chasima Tovah!
These words hit hard. I love you and thank you for helping us all see something that may have been overlooked for whatever reason.
G’mar Chatima Tova!
xo
G’mar chatimah tovah to you and the family, Hadassah.
Sometimes it isn’t solely other people we have to forgive in life, but ourselves. Stand in front of a mirror and have a conversation with yourself, and let those guilty feelings or grievances about things you’ve done or you’ve said leave your conscience. Sometimes we’re simply too hard on ourselves, often more than other people are on us.
Something to think about…
Have an easy fast, and get in some good davening. May your tefillot be heard.
Goodness me, this post is so aimed at me (of course, I’m Jewish, why on earth wouldn’t it be?!).
No that I have an ex-husband or partner to go and forgive, it’s more myself really. Hmm, I sense a post coming on.
G’mar chatima tovah and thank you!
rachel
this was truly thought provoking in a tear-jerking kind of way. thanks for a touching, lovely read.
I especially liked Pearl’s comment about being able to forgive ourselves. Our creator, in His infinite wisdom, has shown us how He is merciful to his creations and forgives US for our transgressions. If the Ribono Shel Olam can forgive, shouldn’t we?
Forgiving is easy compared to asking for forgiveness.